Rally ‘Round The Drag, Boys!

Obama’s River City Denouement; Hillary’s Jedi Mind Tricks; John McCain Drinks Bud Light; & The Retard Brigade Gets Out The Vote

As has already been noted by Joe, presidential candidate Barack Hussein Obama (Sen., D-IL), at last week’s Louisville rally (being his final Kentucky appearance since writing the state off as another West Virginia and opting instead to campaign hard in favored-to-win Oregon) regarded his Democratic rival Hillary Rodham Clinton (SEN., D-NY) with rhetoric as minimal as it was deeply respectful, and chose instead to talk at length about his Linux-powered, cybernetic, Republican adversary, John McCain (SEN. X, 10010).

The speech, like all of Obama’s speeches, was good. I expected that part. The unexpected part, though, happened later.

After the rally, when 8,000 had dwindled into barely 80, I stayed behind to pull myself together. Campaign coverage, even for a neophyte like me, takes its toll; the mental and physical effects were not unlike those of a rock concert: Prolonged exposure to ear-splitting decibel-levels and pure, unfettered excitement of your fellow humans, muscle fatigue form trying to shoot one damn blurry picture after another, dehydration, and (not to mention getting Vulcan nerve-pinched by a secret service guard…) has a tendency to shoot your nerves straight to hell. The adrenal/endorphin rush of two hours ago had since morphed into a brain-raping migraine. Sitting in the now-empty red bleachers where just moments before thousands of people were whipped into Beatlemaniacal conniption fits, I watched a platoon of custodians while they worked, sweeping up campaign residue with long push-brooms, hauling away trash cans overflowing with empty Dasani bottles, pushing carts of cleaning equipment to and fro. Many of them, however, were just standing around, chatting. I wanted to ask these people what they were chatting about, ask them who they were voting for, but was too exhausted to do anything but sit and stare into space like a vegetable.

I sat on my ass for a while longer until I noticed two people, a man and a woman, whom I initially mistook as members of the press before realizing that they were physically handicapped. They were shuffling in the middle of the vacant hall, and the former of the pair was precariously balancing his weight against the fulcrum of a steel wrist-mounted cane, attempting to bend over and retrieve something he had dropped. With great difficulty he managed to grab the object – an Obama placard, reading Change We Can Stand For – and set about attaching the sign to the cage-basket of his companion’s two-handed walker. After some adjustments, the woman appeared satisfied, and smiled.

Conventional wisdom, which has been so wrong in this campaign that the only purpose it now serves is as a yardstick for inaccuracy, posits that in just over forty-eight hours Hillary Clinton will win Kentucky’s Democratic primary because Kentucky is full of retards.

To further state the obvious, her conventionally wise victory will draw upon the Bluegrass state’s rich electoral deposits of simple-minded, blue-collar, under-educated, white “folks” – mental cripples, in other words, a demographic that she has so graciously claimed as her own and the very same one that her über-liberal, Ivy-educated, elitist, Muslim opponent, Barack Obama, apparently cannot enlist into his own mathematically superior ranks.

[ An aside: I happened to talk with a youngish, hipster Lexingtonian a few days ago whom was going to write in Dennis Kucinich (an admirable, albeit politically unsavvy, notion) because, in his words: 1. “I’ll write in whoever the fuck I wanna write in.”; 2. “I just don’t give a shit anymore.”; and 3. “Duh duh dur dah dur.” Full of retards, indeed. ]

Although the sun now sets on Kentucky, anyone who possesses the remotest grasp of grammar school arithmetic knows that the only thing Mrs. Clinton can do to win her party’s nomination is to locate a copy of the forbidden book, the Necronomicon, recite a few passages from it on the floor of the DNC convention in Denver, & either summon a daemon to rip Mr. Obama limb from limb or banish him from our dimension altogether.

Fortunately, the last known copy of this book was buried with the late Richard Nixon, whose coffin (I am led to believe) remains unmolested… though it should be noted that the longevity of her “electability” has lasted surprisingly long. I’m not suggesting that she owns a copy of the grimoire; supernatural political power is inherent to her adopted name, and its magic has finally run its course – HillRod’s high “negativity ratings”, her hamster-in-wheel fundraising efforts, the utter failure of her campaign to win more than a few strong hands while playing every card in (and out of) the deck, and, perhaps her biggest mistake of all, to play by the same impotent, atavistic rule book that the media has been using since day one of the primary season have combined to form a toxic odor that now reeks from the very cogs of her campaign machinery.

John Edwards can smell it. The vast majority of delegates can smell it. Yet the good people of this state cannot because Smell-o-vision didn’t quite pan out, plus Hillary’s makeup artist worked on Pan’s Labyrinth, which gives her a one-two-punch of human semblance insofar as is needed to milk the last drops of life from her quixotic bid for national supremacy.

To Mrs. Clinton’s credit, her superhuman tenacity, her unwavering disregard for ethical constraint, and her ability to sling the shit as good as if not better than any man could (or would dare to) tempered Mr. Obama into the very candidate I bore witness to a week ago – nerves of steel, unfettered eloquence, and a honed sense of awareness and, therefore, control that will give McCain a serious run for his wife’s beer-distributorship fortunes. She has, in the vein of a Jedi master, subjected the junior Illinois padawan to intense training. Were it not for her, Obama might be running as yet another unvetted John Kerry.

So take a bow, sweet donkey. Thy work be done.

Senate primary premortem

The last SUSA poll of the Democratic Senate primary will be out today, and barring some unforeseen comeback by Fischer, it should confirm that Bruce Lunsford pretty much has this thing in the bag, as both SUSA and the LHL did last week with polls showing Lunsford up 18 and 20 points.

A few things I want to say right now:

I went canvassing across my neighborhood yesterday for Eric Thomason, who is running for 3rd Dist. Council here in Lexington (and who you should all vote for if you live here). There were signs in about 75% of the yards, most of them for the local Council race (and Thomason. woot.). But for the Senate race, it was 100% Fischer. Zero Lunsford signs. I have literally not seen one in Lexington. (if you have seen one, send me a picture… seriously)

Now, I live in one of the most liberal neighborhoods in Lexington, if not the most. And progressives/liberals certainly deserve to have a progressive candidate to vote for. Lunsford is certainly not a progressive, and I doubt that any have forgotten what he did in 2003. Greg Fischer says liberal sounding generalities, but I honestly don’t know what he is. If he somehow won the nomination, I certainly wouldn’t be surprised if he spun those generalities far to the right.

So what’s up with this yard sign phenomenon, considering Fischer is so far behind in the polls?
Well, part of it is that Fischer volunteers have actually tried to earn votes. Yard signs don’t magically appear, they are the result of people pounding the pavement. And it’s clear that Bruce Lunsford either (1) didn’t make much of an effort to win what he knew would be an easy primary, or (2) just doesn’t have any passionate supporters willing to volunteer for him. Most likely a mixture of both. In the absence of any effort by Lunsford, and presented with his past and the liberal generalities of Fischer, they stick out the Fischer sign.

So I will say this: active Fischer supporters deserved a lot better from their candidate and his team, as they ran a poor campaign from the top, while those at the bottom worked their butt off. I’ve said this endlessly, but I’ll just summarize the big two mistakes- (1) Fischer’s refusal (or inability) to spend his millions from the start of his campaign to raise his name ID, (2) Fischer going Vencor on Lunsford, which made enemies and drew the public ire of great progressive Democrats like John Yarmuth and Crit Luallen, as well as almost all liberal KY blogs who care about Ditching Mitch.

And then there are a host of other mistakes- such as those intentionally misleading flyers going out in the black neighborhoods of Louisville, suggesting that Obama has somehow endorsed the Fischer campaign. As I said a long long time ago, the Fischer campaign should have hitched its star to the underdog outsider candidacy of Barack Obama early on and picked up whatever coattails it could from the activist base of progressive Democrats. Fischer didn’t, instead trying this cowardly tactic in the flyers (in addition to the Vencor crap, and his intelligence insulting tactic of then saying Lunsford was relying on a negative campaign). And having your campaign manager say this crap to a reporter from a newspaper that endorsed you and has not been critical of you- “We know that the papers are not interested in covering the U.S. Senate race,” … And I hope you quote that.” That’s just a continuation of the follies that have come from the top of this campaign.

So, in short, his supporters and volunteers deserved a lot better.

Anyway, I’m sure I’ll have more to say in the next 48 hours.