the funny

Wind farms threaten Kentucky, earth

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June 28, 2011
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Much like King Coal and the Kentucky public servants that they buy, The Onion is never wrong:


In The Know: Coal Lobby Warns Wind Farms May Blow Earth Off Orbit

Kids could drink that water and get wind in their brains!

Huckabee and O’Reilly defend the Greatest Educational Cartoons Ever

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May 23, 2011
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As we mentioned two weeks ago, Mike Huckabee has just launched a new “educational” company that seeks to teach children through cartoons that Ronald Reagan single-handedly saved America from the blacks, the Disco, the terrorists, the Russians, and maybe in a future chapter the alien invasion. As you can see in the videos, they certainly meet their goal of being “historically accurate and unbiased education”.

And Bill O’Reilly certainly agrees that these wonderful videos will help protect the children of America from secular fascists who hate America:

As Huckabee explains, 91% of liberal parents said that they would show these videos to their children. I suppose it’s never too early to teach the kiddies how to spot propaganda.

Coal Cares! (UPDATE)

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May 10, 2011
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This is some brilliant stuff, right here. It looks like “Faces of Coal” now has a “partner in crime”:

Yes, Mr. Peabody’s Coal Train is giving back to its community. Free inhalers for kids living next to their plants, isn’t that lovely!

Why Free Inhalers? Because COAL CARES.

Coal Cares™ is a brand-new initiative from Peabody Energy, the world’s largest private-sector coal company, to reach out to American youngsters with asthma and to help them keep their heads high in the face of those who would treat them with less than full dignity. For kids who have no choice but to use an inhaler, Coal Cares™ lets them inhale with pride.

Puff-Puff™ inhalers are available free to any family living within 200 miles of a coal plant, and each inhaler comes with a $10 coupon towards the cost of the asthma medication itself.

And they even have games for kids (in the Kidz Koal Korner)!

They also try to overcome the stigma of inhalers, providing hip new inhalers with Justin Bieber and Dora the Explorer on them:

In the policy section we learn that “clean” energy like solar power can burn a family to death, and windmills are really loud and annoying (and kill birds):

Go read the whole site, I highly recommend this stirring defense of the coal industry. I mean, why do we need the EPA getting all up in King Coal’s business when companies like Peabody are giving out inhalers to children out of the good of their hearts? Problem solved, the free market worked! People most certainly need to GET OFF THEIR BACK, right Steve?

* yes, the people who made this site are geniuses, with the emphasis most likely on “yes”

UPDATE: Here is the press release from “Mr. Peabody”:

Peabody Energy (NYSE: BTU) Announces “Coal Cares™” Initiative, New Nationwide Campaign Against Stigma of Childhood Asthma

ST. LOUIS, May 10, 2011 / PRNewswire via COMTEX/ –
Peabody Energy today announced the creation of an innovative new public health initiative designed to combat the stigma of asthma among American children ages 0-18. With Coal Cares™ (www.coalcares.org), Peabody will offer free, custom-branded inhaler actuators to children living within 200 miles of a coal plant, along with coupons worth $10 towards the purchase of the asthma medication itself.

“Too many young Americans face daily schoolyard taunting and bullying because of a condition over which they have no control,” said Gregory H. Boyce, Chairman and Chief Executive Officer of Peabody Energy. “By re-branding the inhaler as a cool, individualized, must-have accessory, Coal Cares™ will empower children to tell bullies: ‘suck it up.’” Children can choose from a variety of youth-themed inhaler cases, from tween faves like “the Bieber” and “My Little Pony,” to the “Emo” and “Diamond” inhalers for older, style-conscious youth. There’s even “My First Inhaler,” for tots.

Coal Cares™ launches today in commemoration of Asthma Awareness Month, the
Environmental Protection Agency’s effort to call attention to rising asthma rates, especially among children. Coal Cares™ and its Puff-Puff™ line of inhalers is the first, and most ambitious, market-friendly public health initiative of this scope of any privately-owned American company, and testifies to the energy industry’s commitment to the well-being of all citizens, including the youngest.

“Our actions are guided by a singular mission: to be a leading worldwide producer and supplier of balanced energy solutions, which power economic prosperity and well-being,” said Boyce. “Coal Cares™ brings this mission to life, empowering children everywhere to take control of their destinies, beginning with their own lungs.”

“Coal Cares™ is emblematic of the return to self-reliance that healthy entrepreneurship demands,” said James Miasmus, Vice President of Government Affairs at Peabody USA. “Costly ‘scrubbing’ technology, on the other hand, is an untested and heavy-handed intrusion into our still-vulnerable economy. At Peabody, we’re thinking globally but acting locally, and locating preventive action at the point of consumption, where it belongs.”

“Coal Cares™ isn’t just the name of a campaign,” said Kevin Briesslau, Vice President of Communications at Peabody Coal. “It’s a philosophy, a way of doing business in harmony with the community we are a part of. After all, coal is the fastest-growing fuel in the world. We’re part of America’s heritage, and we’re here to stay.”

To learn more about Peabody’s Coal Cares™ initiative, visit: www.coalcares.org.

Peabody Energy (NYSE: BTU) is the world’s largest private-sector coal company and a global leader in clean coal solutions. With 2010 sales of 246 million tons and nearly $7 billion in revenues, Peabody fuels 10 percent of U.S. power and 2 percent of worldwide electricity.

CONTACT:

Vic Ganey

Phone (314) 472-5539

Once more, bravo!

Congressman Awesome (for a Yankee)

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March 17, 2011
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"Are you a lizard-person that has tasted human flesh?"

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February 28, 2011
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Oh Louie CK, how we love thee.

Pre-gaming the Rand Paul/David Letterman interview

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February 24, 2011
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As you should know by now (as well as your DVR/Tivo), Rand Paul is the guest on Late Show with David Letterman tonight.

While some folks are expecting a figurative bloodbath, I’m betting against it. While Letterman has savaged the likes of Rush Limbaugh and Bill O’Reilly in person, most of his ire seems to be focused Iraq, media blowhards, and political figures who aren’t especially bright or skilled with the English language (Bush, Palin).

Here’s what I expect. Letterman will bring up George W. Bush and Iraq as a means of finding some kind of common ground to rail against. There will be some Tea Party talk, mainly along the lines of “who in the hell are these odd people”. But I certainly wouldn’t rule out Letterman asking him what’s up with his statements on the Civil Rights Act infringing on private businesses’ rights, what he thinks about Sarah Palin, and “who the hell is Aqua Buddha”? But I doubt that he’ll latch onto those and press him on it (as entertaining as that could be).

Regardless, it should be entertaining, if at times nauseating. But I seriously doubt we’ll get a Limbaugh/O’Reilly replay.

Tuesday Afternoon Round-Up

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February 2, 2011
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  • Bill Goodman’s solemn opinion on Beshear’s Wildcats-interrupting speech last night: Optimistic (Ket.org)
  • Sure, this may not be the greatest thing for Mayor Gray out of the gate, but it’s still a pretty lame “scandal.” (Kentucky.com)
  • In national news, the White Stripes are calling it quits. This is le sad. (Some blog called Pitchfork)
  • People are harping on a proposed grocery sales tax in Kentucky just because David Williams and Bob Leeper apparently proposed it, but bills similar to this have been somewhat successful in other states in limiting the consumption of such lovely delights as Doughnut Pizza and Pop Tart Sushi. Let’s not get the vapors just yet. What is important is that they limit the tax to those things that people don’t need, like Chocolate Covered Bacon With Sprinkles. (Hillbilly Report and ThisIsWhyYou’reFat)

Ark Encounters!

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January 20, 2011
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Ken Ham doesn’t just market dinosaurs to children.

Oh, no. By the looks of ArkEncounters.com, he might be doing some “adult marketing” with dinosaurs, too.

My goodness. Those better not be two dudes.

(h/t Gay Skeletor)

Larry David thanks you

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December 22, 2010
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Larry is glad that we’re borrowing money from China so he can keep more millions:

THERE is a God! It passed! The Bush tax cuts have been extended two years for the upper bracketeers, of which I am a proud member, thank you very much. I’m the last person in the world I’d want to be beside, but I am beside myself! This is a life changer, I tell you. A life changer!

To begin with, I was planning a trip to Cabo with my kids for Christmas vacation. We were going to fly coach, but now with the money I’m saving in taxes, I’m going to splurge and bump myself up to first class. First class! Somebody told me they serve warm nuts up there, and call you “mister.” I might not get off the plane!

The most poignant video ever made

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December 6, 2010
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Pardon the interruption from Flintstones and Ben Chandler news, but I think it is my duty to share this video from a Norwegian television show. This video could only mean one of two things:

  1. The people of Norway are sick and depraved. The world must be wary of them.
  2. The people of Norway are Sacha Baron Cohen-esque geniuses when it comes to mocking American culture.

(Warning: you will either laugh at this or curse my very existence for sharing this with you)

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