Rooties

It’s that time of year again, boys and girls! Its time to hand out the 2010 Rooties awards, acknowledging the best and worst of Kentucky politics in this quite foul year of our lord.

You’ve seen Parts 1 (People) and 2 (Sights/Sounds), now comes Part 3 of this epic Rooties saga, where we look at 2010′s best and worst moments and achievements. It’s so chock full of crazy and funny that we’re only going to give you half of it today, and saving the final installment for tomorrow morning.

Hey ho lets go:

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MOST HILARIOUS POLITICAL SPIN

Rand Paul’s “primary pledge”- Rand Paul repeatedly said that you should vote for him because he pledged not to take money from senators who voted for the bank bailout. Until he decided to take their money himself. You see, that pledge was only an unspoken “primary pledge“. Snort.

Jack Conway explains Aqua Buddha- “I”m not questioning his faith, I’m questioning his actions”. Suuuure you are.

Kim Geveden on Mongiardo’s collapse in the polls- Upon the news that a new SUSA poll showed Mongiardo’s 17 point lead had vanished and the race was now tied, Kimball offered up this gem:

“While I am sure the Conway camp will go into full spin cycle trying desperately to suggest they have momentum, the fact is, over the last 30 days, Jack Conway’s campaign has stalled”

Nate Hodson on Grayson’s collapse in the polls- “The automated interviewing technology they use is problematic and inaccurate compared to traditional polls conducted by live professional interviewers. Our own polling shows the race a dead heat. We are out-raising them and out-working them.” It sounded so plausible!

Rand cancels MTP due to “exhaustion”- “Exhaustion” meaning Mitch McConnell told him to STFU until he could learn how to stop sounding like a lunatic on national TV.

Doug Martin resigns from investigative committee-The Southside Screamer is a man of great personal ethics, and he would never involve himself in something where he was not politically independent. Cough.

Bromanager’s unhinged email calls Gray names- Don’t you love it at the end of campaigns when a candidate realizes he’s about to lose and totally flips out like a kid throwing a temper tantrum? Newberry ended the campaign with the dignity and class that we’ll always remember him for.

Newberry’s faux outrage against KAWC rate increase-Newberry is shocked, SHOCKED that there is gambling going on here!

Jesse Benton on Rand changing 20 policy positions- “The bottom line is, Rand’s positions have not changed. His gives the same speeches and holds the same platform now that he did in the primary”. Good thing for them that a lot of Kentuckians are cool with “Rand’s Law”.

Kim Geveden calls Conway a “serial minibar abuser”-  In response to Conway hitting Lt. Dan on creme brule:

Geveden said Conway’s ad is “hypocrisy of silver spoon proportions…Conway is a serial mini-bar abuser—wasting taxpayer dollars on overpriced drinks when all he has to do is walk down the hallway and get a Coke from the vending machine”

That will never stop being funny. Thank you for being you, Kimball.

MOST HUMILIATING REPRESENTATION OF KY

Ark Encounter press conference- Will there be dinosaurs on the Ark? Yes. Yes, there will be dinosaurs on the Ark. And a generation of national mocking for Kentucky.

UK-Duke primary nonsense- The campaigns of Dan Mongiardo and Trey Grayson decided to gravely insult the intelligence of Kentuckians by proclaiming in campaign ads and releases that their opponent went to Duke. While people around the country laughed at this idiocy, at least they both suffered humiliating losses.

Julian Carroll flips out- Seriously, why is this man not in a home yet?

Mica Sims- It wouldn’t be as bad if Lexington’s local Pizzabagger only spouted idiotic and racist conspiracy theories here at home, with fools like Andy Barr touting her endorsement. But 2010 brought another year of national publications quoting her racist and idiotic garbage, giving the world another chance to laugh at those morons in Kentucky.

Jim Newberry denies Haiti- After the horrific Haitian earthquake, America stepped up to the plate by sending money, volunteers and rescue workers. Every city with a rescue task force trained by FEMA sent theirs… except for Lexington, as Jim Newberry denied their request. Classy move, Jim.

Jim Bunning- As Senator Bunning was single-handedly ruining the lives of millions of people by blocking unemployment benefits, he took a moment from his speech to remind people that he too was suffering. He was missing a UK basketball game. Grandpa Simpson then proceeded to yell at reporters and flip one the bird. You’ll be missed, Jim. By people that enjoy a good laugh at the expense of Kentucky, not by us.

Williams/Farmer logo basketball- Yes, we get it. Your running mate used to throw the bouncy ball into the basket. But you’re not running for sophomore class president, so could you at least try to insult us a little less obviously? Thanks.

Rachel Maddow appearance doesn’t kill Rand’s candidacy- What happens to a political candidate when he repeatedly trashes the Civil Rights Act and refuses to say he would have voted for it for 18 minutes on national TV? Does he drop 20 points? Does he drop out of the race? In Kentucky, he doesn’t fall in the polls and wins easily. I’d say that this speaks volumes about Kentucky and how much further we need to come as a people, but then I remember that Ben Chandler told us that racism doesn’t exist anymore.

BEST MOMENT

CentrePointe snowball fight- It’s like Winter Kickball, and Dudley Webb says get off my private gated lawn community you snooping kids!

Rachel Maddow skewers Rand Paul- This is what happens when you try to bullshit a genius and she doesn’t let you off the hook for 18 minutes. Captivating television.

Don’t Ask Don’t Tell repealed- America joins the rest of the civilized world.

KFTC wins battle vs. King Coal- Great news on the Clark County coal plant, but perhaps also a sign of the coming apocalypse?

John Yarmuth’s victory speech- Not only did Congressman Awesome easily beat nutjob Todd Lally, he gave every Democrat in the state and the country a righteous lecture in how to grow a damned spine.

Jim Gray beats Jim Newberry- This made all of the other horrible news from election night quite bearable, as at least Lexington was getting the fresh start it deserved. And schadenfreude always tastes sweet.

BEST SCHADENFREUDE MOMENT

Crème brule karma for Lt. Dan- Mongiardo spokesperson Kim Geveden went up to every person at Fancy Farm in 2009 and handed them a plastic silver spoon, saying “city folk eat their caviar with a silver spoon, but real Kentuckians eat their BBQ with a fork!”. When Lt. Dan caught heat for spending state money on extravagant travel and food (including this fancy FRENCH dessert), I enjoyed every last second of it.

Mayor Newberry booed at Spotlight Lexington opener- Poor guy. It least that wasn’t as bad as getting blown out by Jim Gray a few weeks later.

Rick Pitino- I almost felt sorry for him this year. But after about 15 seconds I changed my mind.

Bar None dies/Pizzabagger sued by everyone- Don’t you love it when hypocritical, race-baiting, gay-baiting and genuinely horrible human beings like Mica Sims preach to everyone about spending within our limits and fiscal conservatism, yet don’t bother paying any of their bills (as grifters seldom do) and get sued by everyone in the city of Lexington? I know you do.

BEST/BIGGEST LIE

Jim Newberry- Mr. Mayor tried his best to keep Crit Luallen out of Bluegrass Airport’s business. And long after Crit exposed the criminal behavior within, he tired to tell voters that he’s always been at war with Eurasia.

“That’s just simply not true. I did not oppose your request to have the auditor come. In fact, I sent you letter on Dec. 4 that is a matter of record, copied to Council, that I had no objection to have the auditor or any other third party come in for assessment.”

Dan Mongiardo- After coming out firmly against the health care reform bill and facing criticism from Jack Conway, Lt. Dan decided to just back onto the other side of the fence and pretend he didn’t:

“Over the past week, Jack Conway has repeatedly lied about Daniel’s support for healthcare reform. Today we are asking you to stand with us to tell Jack Conway to stop lying about Dr. Dan’s position on healthcare”

Rand Paul- Rand Paul spoke at an open carry rally with a militia that carried assault rifles with his campaign stickers on them, advocated violent civil war, and called for the execution of liberal journalists. When asked by the Courier Journal why he would associate with such people, he said:

“I didn’t actually see anyone with assault rifles… there might have been, I just didn’t see any.”

Ahem:

 

 

Rand Paul- There are too many examples of “Rand’s Law” to properly fit into this small space. But suffice it to say, Rand Paul has never supported a $2000 Medicare deductible, never spoken out against the Civil Rights Act, never spoken out against the Americans with Disabilities Act, never supported a national sales tax, and never supported a lot of other things. And if you dare to suggest otherwise, you are a liar, and most likely a statist who want to steal his Liberty.

Doug Martin- The Southside Screamer didn’t curse. He simply had “a direct conversation“. Though Mel Gibson seems to have refudiated him.

“Sonka is not telling the truth. His description of our conversation is grossly exaggerated and offensive… We had a direct conversation. But it’s not possible to reconstruct any conversation with # of cuss words Sonka says. Offensive.”

Steve Beshear- On Ark Encounter’s “feasibility study”:

“We certainly have looked at the numbers”

Mitch McConnell- Our honorable senator expressed shock and outrage over a RNC email that had the nerve to “stoke fear and negative feelings towards President Barack Obama and other Democrats”.

Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell of Kentucky says he doesn’t understand why anyone thought such an appeal would help the GOP… “I don’t like it and I don’t know anybody who does.”

Mitch McConnell- “We’ll work with the (Obama) administration when they agree with the people, and confront them when they don’t.” Uh huh.

BEST CONSPIRACY THEORY

The NAFTA superhighway- A video surfaced of Rand Paul warning America that the globalists are making a giant highway stretching from Mexico to Canada, which will make it easier for brown people to steal our golden Ameros.

Lexington Police murder/prostitution ring- Christopher Hignite and Skip Horine used their candidacies for council and mayor to expose a web of lies involving murder, hookers and strippers that stretches from the police department to the 12th floor of city hall. Unless you don’t trust people wearing giant bunny costumes.

Bilderberg Group/NWO plotting to destroy the Pauls and Alex Jones- Alex has seen their enemy wall, which means that these three WMLP’s are the only ones left that can save humanity from genocide and enslavement.

Government microchip implants- Rand, Ron and Rep. Walter Blevins Jr. are protecting us from involuntary government microchip implants, which will likely raise all kind of hell with Satan once the Rapture comes.

National Democrats infiltrated the Paul campaign- David Adams likes conspiracy theories.

Rachel Maddow Facebook stalked David Adams- As I said, David Adams likes conspiracy theories.

Obama plotting to make Boy scouts illegal- One more time: David Adams really likes conspiracy theories.

Beshear plotting to “bust up” the Tea Party- There’s no amount of tinfoil that will keep you safe from us, Teabaggers.

The Curbstomper was a Democratic plant- Tim Profitt’s year and a half long effort to infiltrate Rand’s campaign, become his county coordinator, and then stomp on the head of a woman worked to perfection. Alex Jones saw through their devious plot, though.

Washington is trying to make your daughter a lesbian- And Rand Paul is on to their fiendish homosexual agenda to recruit your children into The Gay.

Lexington police framed Ryan Quarles- Can’t a dude play parking lot slalom a few sips shy of the legal limit without becoming a political prisoner anymore?

Leprechaun at CentrePointe- OK, so I was wrong. Fortunately. But I still have my eye on Dudley.

The Secret Manila Folder to destroy Rand Paul- Liberty Christ says that mysterious media people with mysterious folders full of mysterious information are out to destroy him. How dare I suggest he has a martyr complex.

BEST BLOGGER INDUCED WHINING/FIT OF RAGE

Jim Newberry- The very thought of me being on a debate panel sent the Mayor onto his fainting couch, as he complained all the way up to the Dean at UK to have me removed. That didn’t stop him from pretending to be a fearless advocate of free speech, though.

John Collins- Jack Conway’s communications director decided to curse me out threaten to take me off of the press list (which they did, for the 2nd time during the campaign), because I dared to have a bag of equipment on a press riser at the Clinton event, just like all other media did. Funny how I faced more petty BS from the Conway campaign than the campaigns of Mongiardo, Newberry, and Paul combined.

Shaye Rabold- At Jim Newberry’s State of the Merged Government Address, his Chief of Staff Shaye Rabold decided to passive aggressively tweet at me even though she was sitting next to me. Fair enough, but then she got event staff to hand me a note calling me a liar for publishing information that morning on the costs of the address. Information that directly quoted that same person handing me the note. Lord.

Doug Martin- The “direct conversation” heard around Lexington. After making an ass of himself in front of his colleagues in the 5th floor conference room, Doug stormed out of the room to go back to his computer and read what I was tweeting about him (he’s a vain man). The rest (and 15 F-bombs) is history.

ACHIEVEMENT IN STALINIST PURGING

Newberry’s backdated memo- The LFUCG Law Dept. went in full damage control once it became obvious that Newberry’s re-election campaign was being run out of the 12th floor.

Rand Paul scrubs his events calendar- After the primary, Mitch McConnell not only told Rand Paul to shut his mouth and stay in hiding, he told him to scrap the campaign’s events calendar so the press couldn’t find him. Rand dutifully complied.

Rand Paul scrubs Medicare ad- Jack Conway was a big “liar” and Rand Paul “never” supported Medicare deductibles, until Rand got caught lying and quietly changed that to “distorts” and “doesn’t”. Rand got caught, like he did many times, but apparently voters don’t mind liars anymore.

Paul campaign tries to purge me from 2 press conferences- Freedom of the press is an affront to Liberty!

Rand Paul scrubs his Bailout Pledge references- Rand Paul thought that Kentucky should not elect someone who would stoop so low as to take money from Senators who voted for the bank bailout. Until Rand decided to do so himself, at which point all of the rage against Trey Grayson and the Bailout Senators mysteriously vanished from his website.

BEST FAKE POLL

Some Dude Named Bill Johnson beating Rand Paul- Based on Johnson’s internals, this election was his to win. A shame he dropped out.

R2K Lexington Mayoral poll- Teresa Isaac is considered a God among Republicans in Lexington, dontcha know? Shocking that R2K collapsed in a fraud scandal after this, isn’t it?

Lexington realtors poll- Oddly enough, once Newberry’s people got word that the new Herald Leader poll showed Gray beating him shortly before election day, his buddies at the Lexington-Bluegrass Area Realtors rushed out a ridiculous poll showing him up 16 points. Their numbers in the Council at-Large race were even worse, as they had Chuck Ellinger stomping vice mayor to-be Linda Gorton.

Ben Chandler’s internals- He was supposedly up 20 a month before the election, and up 15 days before he wound up winning by 600 votes. Don’t think so.

Trey Grayson is tied!- In the face of poll after poll showing Rand Paul up anywhere from 12 to 18 points in the last month of the primary campaign, Grayson pollster Jan van Lohuizen sent out a string of ridiculous fake polls showing the race in a virtual tie. Rand won 59% of the vote, and the wolf ate Trey.

BEST COMEBACK

Runners up:

Sylvia Lovely- Thought she was done after KLC exploded in scandal? Think again! She’s now back on the PR circuit, saying that her real mistake was not defending herself rigorously enough, because she didn’t do anything wrong. We’re not taxpayers, we’re citizens!

Rand Paul returns to Alex Jones- You just can’t keep great minds like this apart.

CentrePointe- Dudley Webb isn’t giving up on his Magic Invisible Unicorn Tower, and neither should you, Lexington!

Winner:

Daniel Solzman- Jesus. Elvis. Jordan. Solzy. Our yearlong drought from Daniel Solzman finally ended, and we were given magic:

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That’s it for Part IIIa!

We’ll finish the second half of 2010′s best and worst moments achievements tomorrow!

And be sure to check out Parts 1 and 2 if you haven’t already.

Oh it’s that time of year again, boys and girls! Its time to hand out the 2010 Rooties awards, acknowledging the best and worst of Kentucky politics in this quite foul year of our lord.

Yesterday we looked at the best and worst people in Kentucky politics, the first of our three-part Rooties. Today is Part II, where we tip our hat to this year’s sights, sounds and sayings that were either inspired by genius, or inspired nausea and ridicule.

Commence the mean!

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WORST POLITICAL ADVERTISEMENT

Jim Newberry presents Marian Sims- Hard to watch this one without crying. Deny her your essence, though.

Jack Conway presents Rand Paul’s Greatest Hits- Possibly among of the worst ads ever made by a major statewide candidate in American political history. Comedy isn’t for everyone. (TRAGIC that the campaign deleted it from the YouTube Machine. If you remember it, you know I’m right.)

Newberry’s Triangle Lasers- They’re shaped like a triangle, you see? And Newb had something to do with it. And it shoots out lasers. Job lasers. From space. Vote for me.

Curbstomper for Rand Paul- Ed Lane picked the absolute perfect day to place this full page ad in the Herald Leader touting the Curbstomper’s endorsement of Rand Paul. Timing is everything.

Williams/Farmer debut- Nothing kicks off a campaign like making people laugh at you. Or vomit on you.

Pat Boone for Andy Barr- A washed up homophobic has-been would like you to vote for “INSERT NAME HERE“

Jack Conway’s Aqua Buddha- It’s never good when you release an ad that makes your volunteers quit. Why this was released by Conway’s campaign and not by an outside group (with more humor) will be an eternal mystery.

Dan Mongiardo on DailyKos- Not the smartest idea to give thousands of dollars to Kos for an ad right before you come out against health care reform. He might as well have given me the money.

Rand Paul Moneybomb Ad- They are STEALING OUR LIBERTY. Not dramatic enough, try again.

Trey Grayson UK/Duke ad- Trey Grayson actually spent money to tell voters that his opponent went to Duke. Insulting your voters’ intelligence is free, Trey.

Rand’s slidewhistle- Our Liberty has a fever, and the only thing that can cure it is MORE SLIDEWHISTLE. (this ad has been deleted too, unfortunately)

Andy Barr fights Godzilla- No, your internet isn’t lagging, this is the worst vocal dubbing EVER. This ad will never stop being funny.

BEST MUSICAL PERFORMANCE

“We Want America Back”- The insane Restore America Rally in Frankfort not only featured some fine wingnuttery, but this beautiful ode to fighting the Godless homosexuals who want to pray on our children (full original version here):

“Behemoth is a Dinosaur”- Ken Ham would like to teach your children that sauropods were “chief in the way of God”. With Steve Beshear’s help, of course.

Rand Paul microchip implant song- Amiee Allen headlined a Rand Paul rally, where she sang about how he will protect America from the Bilderberg Group and government implanted microchips. Rand’s kids are fine guitar players, though.

Nena Bartlett- When Rand Paul’s assistant campaign manager isn’t frolicking on the Capital lawn wearing nothing but her Gadsden flag, she’s showing off her wonderful chops on songs about the bailouts:

Christopher Hignite- The Lexington council at-large candidate not only uncovers the murder and prostitution ring of the Lexington police force, he can carry a tune:

Republican Senate candidate John Stephenson- This jolly candidate sent to run for office on a mission from God would unexpectedly break out into song during debates. Excellent chops on this fan of the fetus.

“We Stand with you, Arizona”- At the Kentucky Freedom Festival of Teabaggers Against Brown People, the duo Rivoli Revue let out this passionate defense of our white women against the marauding hordes of Mexicans. (bonus footage of cops dancing on their segways to it):

BEST QUOTE

Kathy Stein- to Jim Gray, as told by him at a Fayette County Democratic Dinner with Newberry in attendance:

“I knew you and Ernesto were out of the closet, but Newberry too? When did he announce he was a Democrat?”

Mitch McConnell- explaining why he forced Rand Paul to cancel his Meet the Press appearance that Sunday and go into hiding, following his Maddow debacle:

“I think (Rand’s) said quite enough…”

Ruth Bader Ginsburg- in response to Bunning’s prediction of death last year:

“I am pleased to report that, contrary to Sen. Bunning’s prediction, I am alive and in good health”

Gunner- Lt. Dan’s own dog turned on him with an aggressive negative ad campaign:

“Pro-life? He cut my BALLS off”

John Yarmuth- On Jack Conway and his campaign:

“But one of the problems Jack had was that he never — well, he tried to kind of guess where most Kentuckians were on the issues. And voters usually can see through that. He didn’t stand up for particular values and say, ‘This is my position, even if it’s unpopular.’ He may have believed in every position he took, but he never convinced voters.”

Al Cross- in response to Rand Paul’s campaign saying he’s never changed a position:

“He must have an unusual definition of “change” and/or “position.””

Rand Paul- Uh huh.

“I’ve never said or written anything un-Christian in my life”

Phil Moffett- Down with the government oppression of traffic lights!

“Food for thought. Traffic signals may be the most demonstrable government interference into out lives, put in place “for our safety” of course. But what would happen if we quit using them? Watch this video for a real-life example of how freedom works and how a government regulation distorts a market”

Jack Conway- from multiple debates:

“I’m always amused to get a lecture on constitutional law from a self-certified ophthalmologist”

Rand Paul- Making excuses for being such a flip flopping liar (see also, “Rand’s Law”):

“Boy, can’t a politician have an answer that’s open to two different interpretations?”

Ron Paul- He expressed his deep shame for his Islamophobic Liberty-hating son, Rand Paul:

“This is all about hate and Islamaphobia. We now have an epidemic of “sunshine patriots” on both the right and the left who are all for freedom, as long as there’s no controversy and nobody is offended. Political demagoguery rules when truth and liberty are ignored.”

BEST IMAGE

New CentrePointe with pedway- It’s not scaled back, it’s “refined“. Lexington is poised to become the Pedway Capitol of the South, and the excitement is palpable.

Newberry field director sleeping on the job- This was Lisa Tanner’s competition from the Jim Newberry campaign, hard at work at the Shriners Festival. Does that Gray blowout make any more sense?

Sheep in CentrePointe- Hmm… I’m having a really hard time coming up with a smart ass metaphor here…

Doug Martin and Ronald McDonald- I won’t tell you which is which. But shortly after this pic, one was told to F off.

WORST QUOTE

Jim Newberry- The man who cheered the destruction of The Block Where Nothing Happened, explaining music downtown during the WEG:

“(Lexington) has never experienced 17 straight days of performances downtown.”

Matthew Vanderpool- Explaining how gay candidates who aren’t ashamed of their sexuality behave:

“if I prance around my district saying ‘gay this’ or ‘gay that,’ it will destroy me”

Ben Chandler- on racism in Kentucky:

“We’ve moved past all that, and we’re in a better place now,”

Rand Paul- explaining why honesty isn’t the best policy:

“My dad freely will say that, that he would eliminate at least half of the departments, but he is just more forthright.”

Rand Paul- Leave Tony Hayward alone!!! Accidents happen!

“What I don’t like from the president’s administration is this sort of, ‘I’ll put my boot heel on the throat of BP’, I think that sounds really un-American in his criticism of business… And I think it’s part of this sort of blame-game society in the sense that it’s always got to be somebody’s fault instead of the fact that maybe sometimes accidents happen…. We had a mining accident that was very tragic. Then we come in and it’s always someone’s fault. Maybe sometimes accidents happen.”

Dan Mongiardo- Lt. Dan explains how Obama is not welcome in this here holler:

“With some of the positions he has taken, especially on coal, no. He certainly can’t come into eastern or western Kentucky and help. Nor would I want him to.”

Rand Paul- explaining how capitalism works, otherwise known as the free hand of the dead miner market: 

Winner:

Mitch McConnell- On why we can’t let the Bush tax rates expire for the wealthiest Americans:

“We can’t let the people who’ve been hit hardest by this recession and who we need to create the jobs that will get us out of it foot the bill for the Democrats’ two-year adventure in expanded government”

MOST DISTURBING IMAGE

Dragon Excavation Kit- This is what intellectual child abuse looks like. From the gift shop of Steve Beshear’s new Flintstone Truther business partner:

David Adams stalking Jack Conway- We all understand trackers out following their opponent at campaign events, but when your campaign manager is caught like this? Creeptastic.

Violent Teabagger/Birther signs-When Teabaggers rally in Frankfort to speak out about impeaching Obama, crack babies and Mexicans, it is important that we treat them with respect, as they are a very serious and thoughtful political group, you see.

Paulbot condom pic-There are some things that cannot be unseen, like this hideous creation by one of Rand Paul’s internet fanboys:

WORST RAND PAUL SONG

Runners up:

The Rand Paul Rap- Make it stop.

“We’ve Got to Stop the Mosque at Ground Zero”- OK, so this isn’t about Rand. But Rand is against the old Burlington Coat Factory with a prayer room and this song is really fucking terrible, so here:

Winner:

“The Rand Paul Song”- I said make it stop!

GRUMPIEST JIM BUNNING QUOTE

On James Dobson flipping his endorsement to Paul- Not-subtle jab at McConnell:

“He said leadership in the Republican Party misled him,” Bunning said. “Now who do you think that is?”

On Rand’s gaffes-Meet my backhand:

“Rand can succeed me in spite of himself”

On George Steinbrenner’s death- Class.

“Because he was smart enough to die in 2010, there is zero tax liability on the estate tax”

On missing the UK game while blocking unemployment benefits- Explaining to those who will have to worry about their next meal that he too is suffering.

“I want to assure the people that have watched this thing ’til a quarter of 12, and I have missed the Kentucky-South Carolina game that had started at 9 o’clock, and it’s the only redeeming chance we had to beat South Carolina since they’re the only team that has beaten Kentucky this year.”

To ABC News, after his unemployment insurance charade- Memories… light the corners of my mind… Misty water-colored memories… of the way we were:

“Excuse me! This is a Senators only elevator!” (followed by flipping the bird)

BEST FASHION

Lt. Dan’s uneven eyebrow wax- Not since Left Eye Lopes has a person put such optical diversity in style.

Jeff Fugate’s cult members- The fundie pastor’s rally turned Frankfort into Juniper Creek East.

Rand Paul’s private militia security- These obese men in play soldier dress up are the last line of defense between ourselves and Obama’s Mexican Death Squads.

Grizzly Robin Hood- Gun-toting Teabaggers may be insane, but they know fashion.

Rand Paul rocks the suit w/ shorts- From the front page of the Washington Post:

Trey Grayson’s shirt- I don’t know what the hell this is about:

David Williams Mom Jeans- Ain’t no shame in his game.

The Beard Eater and his hat- His story says tragic beard-eating-at-gun-point victim, but his look says sexy beast ready to get it on!

Jay McChord as Mr. Wildcat- Unfortunately, LFUCG councilman Jay McChord has no one to cheer for this coming year.

Basil Childress and Confederate Retro- Rand Paul’s white supremacist neo-confederate ally and his date not only celebrate Treason in Defense of Slavery, they know how to look the part:

Nina Bartlett- If ever there was a year for a senate candidate’s assistant campaign manager to strip down nekid on the Capitol lawn wearing nothing but a Gadsden flag, it was 2010.

BEST REMIX

The Dr. Dan Song- Don’t you miss Lt. Dan? Yeah, me neither.

Todd Lally’s Soylent Green- “Corporations are PEEEEOPLE!“

Last Dance with Mayor Newberry- Parting is such sweet sorrow.

Glenn Beck sings Born in the USA- Bruce Springsteen is a filthy communist who hates America. Schankula works his magic:

Aqua Buddha cartoon- Tawain is a magical place.

Newberry’s Triangle Laser Vision of Death and Jobs- TRIANGLE! LASERS! JOBS! VISION! Schankula’s masterpiece:

BEST NEW CATCH PHRASE

Liberty Christ- Rand Paul, the son of Father Liberty, was sent to rescue us from government oppression and teach us all the true meaning of Liberty. He was martyred by the liberal media, collectivists, and ACORN workers, but rose again on November 2nd to teach us all that unfettered greed is the most important gift of humanity.

“A direct conversation”-To Lexington Councilman Doug Martin, dropping 15 angry F-bombs on a citizen at work in front of all of your colleagues is not unstable or bizarre behavior. Rather, it is “a direct conversation“.

“No Sharks!”-Dan Mongiardo wants tourists to know that they can come to Kentucky and fish without the fear of being eaten by a shark. Spread the word!

WMLP Bingo- Ever wish that you could make listening to a whiny woman-hating racist white person more entertaining? White Male Liberty Patriot Bingo is just the game for you!

Rand’s Law-If you’ve ever listened to Rand Paul whine about something and became confused, this is most likely the Law that you don’t understand: “just because Rand Paul repeatedly and passionately advocates for something doesn’t mean that he actually supports it.” And if you accuse him of supporting something that he has repeatedly advocated for, you are part of the liberal gotcha media that is out to get him and steal his Liberty. Once you realize this, he makes more sense. He’s very existential.

Flintstone Truther- Ken Ham and Steve Beshear will not stop until the children of Kentucky know the truth: that humans rode on saddled dinosaurs a few thousand years ago. The dastardly secularists don’t want you to know, but the Truth is out there.

BEST PHOTOSHOP

Runners up:

Unbridled Faith- Thanks, Steve!

David Williams goes Teabagger- David assures you that he’s completely insane, too! Really!

Curbstompers for Rand Paul- Liberty.

Newberry meets his idol- Like looking into a mirror.

Steve Beshear retrofits a unicorn- He rides them, too.

Winner:

Steve Beshear rides a T-Rex- Dino Derbies in Williamstown? Sounds like a job creator!

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That’s it for the second of our three installments of this year’s Rooties! Congrats to all of the winners and losers!
If you didn’t see Part I yesterday (Best and Worst People), check it out here.

Tomorrow morning will be Part III, where we look at the moments and achievements that defined 2010 in Kentucky. Unfortunately, many of them have probably scarred your memory for life, and no matter how much you try to drink them away, they’ll haunt you until your death….. so be sure to tune in for that!

The categories will be: Most Humiliating Representation of Kentucky, Biggest/Best Lie, Best Moment, Best Achievement in Stalinist Purging, Best Schadenfreude Moment, Best Blogger Induced Fit of Rage/Whining, Best Conspiracy Theory, Best Fake Poll, Best Achievement in Coal Shilling, Best Debate Moment, Best Jack Conway Petition, Most Hilarious Political Spin, Best Sockpuppetry, Best Strategery, Best Comeback, Most Surreal Moment, Most Awkward Moment, and Best Abandonment of Principle by Rand Paul.

Tune in tomorrow!

Oh it’s that time of year again, boys and girls! Its time to hand out the 2010 Rooties awards, acknowledging the best and worst of Kentucky politics in this quite foul year of our lord.

We’re changing things up a bit this year in our 4th edition of the Rooties. Once I realized that I had written 70 pages worth of awards for this year, I realized (1) I’m putting way too much time into this, and (2) I should split this up into three parts so people can actually make it to the end of them. So this is the first of three installments of the Rooties (People), the latter two I’ll break out Tuesday (Sights,Sounds and Sayings) and Wednesday (Moments/Achievements) morning.

Alright, so here’s the best and worst people that Kentucky politics had to offer in 2010. Let the mean begin!

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BEST KY DEMOCRAT

Kathy Stein- Watching Kathy do her thing in the middle of all of those wretched people in the State Senate is like watching The Bride take on the Crazy 88’s, only with less blood squirting and more crazy. There’s absolutely no one else in Frankfort with her spine and honesty.

Crit Luallen- Please stop making us beg you to run for office and just do it, mkay?

John Yarmuth- This was the year that Republicans were supposed to take back all of those seats that they lost in 2006 and 2008. In many/most cases they did, as spineless Blue Dogs were put to sleep by Teabagging hordes all over the country. But not Congressman Awesome. Yarmuth didn’t look at polls to tell him how to vote. He voted for what he knew was right, and rather than apologizing and trying to hide from it, he stood up and took on all comers, defending his vote and advocating for good policy. That’s what leadership is.

That’s what Yarmuth explained in his victory speech, and that’s what made conservative Democrats’ blood boil, as they couldn’t wait to anonymously snipe at him to reporters afterward. It’s their loss, and will continue to be their loss, while Congressman Awesome will just keep on winning.

MOST FASCINATING KENTUCKIAN

Christopher Hignite- It’s not everyday that a political candidate puts 100 pictures of naked strippers at a pool party on his campaign page. Or accuses candidates in debates of covering up murders. Or confronts candidates wearing a giant bunny costume. But Higgy knows that you don’t expose murder and prostitution on a grand scale scale within the highest reaches of government by adhering to what is conventional. Hignite did not succeed in this year’s Lexington council race, but I’m sure that we (or Ellinger) have not heard the last of him.

Baph777 (aka, Paul Edward Hieronymus, Jr.)- Baph burst onto the political scene in Kentucky this year with a shot against the bow of Rand Paul via YouTube. He announced that he was running as a write in candidate for US Senate, explaining that his political pedigree is far superior to Paul’s. The campaign was progressing smoothly until he got into a serious flame war in our comments section with “L”, who was viciously hating on him. Baph challenged him to a fistfight in the Fayette Mall food court, which to our knowledge is a first for a senate candidate in American political history. Unfortunately, Baph bailed on the fight in order to make sure that his mother did not drive back home without him, which was a blow to his credibility that the campaign was never able to fully recover from. We haven’t heard the last from him either, I think.

Mommy Lady- That Mommy Lady blogger burst into the Bluegrass Blogtopia this year with a mission to expose Rand Paul as the abortion-loving fake conservative that he is. She also passionately advocated for the campaign of Some Dude Named Bill Johnson, whose withdrawal from the Senate race was as tragic as her farewell post was eloquent.

Danny Mayer- It’s about time that someone in Lexington had the courage to expose the fact that I am a capitalist stooge of the establishment and my support of Don Pratt is insufficient. The North of Center editor was just that man, and should be commended for revealing my fake liberalism and offensive support of UK basketball over Mumia.

Gurley Martin-Republican Senate candidate Gurley Martin has an American birth certificate, unlike the Kenyan “mullah” in the White House. The lynching he attended was not of a black man. And he has never ever ever raped a woman. What kind of world do we live in when that alone is not enough to win an election? Gurley for Senate 2014!

BIGGEST HYPOCRITE

Rand Paul- There was a time when taking money from people who voted for or supported the bank bailout, DC lobbyists, and the Aspen Institute was bad. And there was a time when associating with people who question others’ religion was OK, as was using your opponent’s college hijinks against him. Then this summer happened, and that wasn’t the case anymore. Also of note: all government spending is on the table to cut, except the one that pays his salary. And my personal favorite: end the tyranny of the big federal government being all up in your business… unless you are raped by your uncle and have an abortion, in which case you should be prosecuted for a federal crime.

Rand Paul has a ways to go to reach the heights of hypocrisy that Mitch McConnell has met, but he has real potential to compete with him in a few years. Major upside on this kid.

Hal Rogers- It’s takes a special kind of man to rant against big spending commie government, yet also be the #1 Pork King in Congress. And call health care reform “socialistic”, while simultaneously requesting money from it behind the scenes. We’re so glad that the not-hypocritical-at-all Teabaggers have ushered him into the House Appropriations Chairmanship.

Brett Guthrie- The man who’s helping the Teabaggers take their country back also spends more on franking privilege (commie self-promotion mailers) then the entire Kentucky congressional delegation combined.

Goeff(erson) Davis- The Gadsden flag waving crusader against earmarks and stimulus spending managed to flaunt to his constituents how they benefited from the stimulus and the earmarks that he delivered for his campaign contributors.

Mitch McConnell- When you are a person in politics with zero ideology or principles, only slavish devotion to your own personal power, this gives you the ability to take hypocrisy to new heights. McConnell bemoaned earmarks and the size of the $1.1 trillion omnibus bill. The same bill that he personally requested $276 million worth of earmarks in. The same bill that he personally requested to be $1.1 trillion. Also, it was revealed that in 2006 while he was calling Democrats al-Qaeda appeasing cut-and-runners for wanting to start withdrawing from Iraq, he was secretly requesting that Bush do the same exact thing. Mitch isn’t the biggest hypocrite in Kentucky politics, he’s the biggest hypocrite in American politics.

BEST KY JOURNALIST

John Cheves- His victory streak ends at 3, but through no fault of his own. Cheves spent another year making the lives of Hal Rogers, Geoff Davis and Steve Beshear miserable, which means that he spent another year doing God’s work.

Ryan Alessi- Ryan was a pusherman for political addicts like us this year, cranking out great material 5 nights a week with his new cn|2 venture. But if you want to ask him why the Orioles suck, you have to submit your question in writing first.

Jonathan Meador- Kentucky has many faults, but one thing it has going for it is that there’s a city where a young writer as talented as Meador gets paid to put out great work every single week for its residents to read. And who calls up Frank Simon to chat about the Jefferson Bible. Be thankful, Louisville.

Al Cross- He is the Dean. And there’s no other journalist’s opinion in the state that I value more when it comes to our messed up politics. And this meant quite a bit to me.

Stephenie Steitzer- She doesn’t only ask the tough questions to people’s face, she will straight up sprint after Rand Paul if he tries to scamper away and hide from her without taking questions. And though I’ve vented recently, I include her because I have faith that she will use the word “dinosaur” eventually.

Linda Blackford- When the likes of Sylvia Lovely, Jim Newberry and Ken Ham are whining about your reporting, you know that you’re doing something right. 2010 saw Bill Hamilton fired from KLC, one of the last chapters of the sordid tale that Blackford’s series put into motion. And then she went and did the revolutionary act of writing the word “dinosaur”. The Rootie was as good as hers after that.

WORST KY DEMOCRAT (“The Gooch”)

Steve Beshear- Governor Beshear has a bold vision for the future of Kentucky. The few mountains we have left that aren’t blown up will store nuclear waste. And we’ll be the Mecca for common folk who want to ride a dinosaur like their ancestors did. And though everyone else in America (outside of South Carolina) will make KY the butt of their jokes, they say that any publicity is good publicity. Well, one of those unicorns in the Bible said that, I think.

Julian Carroll- The supporting actor of The Bluegrass Conspiracy made a special kind of ass out of himself this year on CNN, insanely berating a citizen on camera. Whereas competent political parties would put Julian in a home, the Senate Democrats are about to make him their new leader. That’s just how Kentucky Democrats roll.

Jack Conway- This year Jack Conway bravely spoke out against the Burlington Coat Factory prayer room, the brutal “oppression” of King Coal by the EPA, and letting the Bush tax cuts for millionaires and billionaires continue. And he started using “Kentucky values” in sentences as much as Giuliani used “9/11”. His personal beliefs might be similar to mine, but I judge people based on their actions, and I’m not bowing anymore to this false idol, that you call Jack Conway.

Keith Hall- Corrupt shill of the coal industry Keith Hall explained that the unprecedented flooding in Pikeville was not the result of new mountaintop removal mining in the worst areas, but “urban sprawl”. The urban jungle of Pikeville.

Ben Chandler*- The Central Kentucky Jellyfish not only made another vote for the Stupak Amendment and against Wall Street reform this year, he also joined Republicans to block the EPA from regulating greenhouse gases. And Ben took the extra special step of declaring that racism in Kentucky is over, and then voted against the DREAM Act. But thank God he beat Andy Barr, because then we’d really be screwed, right?

*Mr. Schankula protests that Ben Chandler is actually a Republican, thus not eligible for this award.

BEST WHITE MALE LIBERTY PATRIOT / PAULBOT

Alex Jones- While Rand Paul had to avoid the 9/11 Truther’s radio show while he was trying to pretend he wasn’t crazy in order to win an election, Alex Jones continued to fight the Bilderberg Group and the Illuminati media in support of Rand Paul. After Rand’s glorious victory in November he made his triumphant return to the Alex Jones Show, thanking Alex for the support of him and all of his listeners. With luck, Senator Paul and Alex Jones will prevent further oppression of America by Black Hitler and his cabal of international bankers who are plotting to kill 90% of the world’s population very soon.

Ohio Valley Freedom Fighters- Rand Paul called this militia his “own personal security force” at the same rally that the OVFF advocated for violent civil war and the execution of liberal journalists. And no form of voter outreach can match their “I’m a Rand Fan” stickers on their AK-47’s.

Basil Childress- Father Liberty’s 501(c)4 Campaign for Liberty did great work to help Rand Paul to victory in Kentucky. Coordinating their effort in Fayette County was Basil Childress, who is also the president of a neo-confederate white supremacist group. The Pauls and the South are rising!

William Johnson- This crusader against race-mixing and advocate for deporting all non-whites gave Rand Paul a nice big campaign donation so he could fight for his Liberty in Washington. Rand fortunately stood by him, as he resisted pressure by the liberal media to return his money (and the money of two other white supremacists), striking a blow against tyranny in the process.

Don Black- The owner of Stormfront.org, the largest white supremacist website in America, did his part to fundraise for Rand Paul, and his readers reveled in Paul’s great primary victory.

John Birch Society- This group of dedicated patriots hasn’t played a prominent role in American politics since the Civil Rights Act was passed. They made their renaissance this year along with anti-civil rights crusader Rand Paul. The Birchers knew that Rand was their man.

Randall Terry- The man who’s dedicated his life to making sure that it’s socially acceptable to assassinate doctors said that Rand Paul is the WMLP that Washington, DC needs.

Doug Wilson- This great thinker defended Rand Paul’s opposition to the Civil Rights Act. He busted the myth that blacks had it bad back then, just like he did with the myth that slaves didn’t live a life of luxury in the South at the hands of their kind and benevolent owners.

David Duke- America’s favorite white supremacist cheered on Rand Paul as he twice overcame the Jew Media to win.

Jim Newberry- Mayor Newberry not only stoked fear of the scary brown people in his ads, but he had the courage to come out as an open Rand Paul supporter, cheering him on at this last campaign rally in Lexington.

Weird racist vendor man- This dude made sure that every Teabagger in Kentucky had the proper apparel and bumper stickers to wear in support of Rand Paul in his fight against our Black Muslin president and his Mexican paramilitary force. Wear your “Yup, I’m a racist” T-shirt with pride, WMLP’s!

Winner:

Tim Profitt (The Curbstomper)- This WMLP went above all others to support Rand Paul. Not because he maxed out to him or superbly coordinated the campaign in Bourbon County, but because he SAVED HIS LIFE. If Profitt hadn’t stomped on Lauren Valle’s head as she laid defenseless with another man holding her down and Rand Paul 30 feet away, Rand would be DEAD today. While the liberal media and corrupt police force would have loved to let Valle carry out her assassination plot, Profitt was brave enough to stand up to her, despite his bad back. After she finally gives Profitt the apology he deserves, maybe America will finally give him the thanks he deserves, too. He not only saved the life of Liberty Christ, he might have saved America from Black Hitler.

BATSHIT CRAZIEST (“The Ham”)

Frank Simon-While Kentucky’s biggest homophobe had a relatively quiet year, he did finally receive the recognition that he has long deserved, as the SPLC officially named the American Family Association a hate group. To celebrate the news that day, Simon decided to send out an email demanding that charges against the Curbstomper be dropped, and criminal charges be filed against the defenseless woman that got her head stomped on. In addition to promoting videos that show Obama is doing exactly what Hitler did, he sent out his normal insane questionnaires to candidates ranting about children being taught various methods of sodomy and Muslims taking over America. Every Republican in the state besides Trey Grayson happily filled it out and mailed it back in, because who wouldn’t want an endorsement from someone with the respect and stature as hate group president Frank Simon?

Todd Lally-If there has ever been a person more afraid of being hit on by a gay man than 3rd district congressional candidate Todd Lally, I have yet to meet him. Lally took his fear of gay soldiers and their “gay behavior” to impressive heights, claiming that he’s against repealing DADT because “I’m not going to sit there and trample on any troops’ rights that are straight”. Todd Lally practically screams “I have a right to not be tempted by you freaks! What with your nicely groomed hair, chisels abs, alluring Axe body spray, and… wait, what was I talking about? Oh, the queers, right. Keep those freaks away from me!”. Lally also explained that discrimination against women doesn’t exist because his wife is successful, and he doesn’t believe in global warming because he built a survival bunker for Y2K and doesn’t want to get burned again. And corporations are people, they’re people!

Pastor Jeff Fugate- Some cult leaders are insular and reclusive, choosing to hide their followers from the outside world. Fortunately for Kentucky, Jeff Fugate is not that kind of cult leader! He brought all of his followers to Frankfort to throw a big rally to “Restore America“. Restore it to what? A place where Christianity is mandatory, gays are purged, condoms are outlawed, and women don’t show their ankles. Fugate spoke in front of a huge banner showing a beautiful hillside with grass and trees, telling the crowd that you should not believe the lies of the liberal secular media, because this is what mountaintop removal really looks like. But Fugate doesn’t just talk the talk. His church runs a “college” requiring females to major in “Christian Womanhood” where they are taught childcare, cooking, sewing and family rolls (sic). Yes, we need to restore America to a simpler time, when women didn’t show any skin and they certainly didn’t learn none of that fancy math.

BIGGEST WATB

Runners up:

Dan Mongiardo- Rather than suck it up and throw his weight behind Jack Conway after losing, Lt. Dan played WATB. He took months to endorse Conway, instead spending that time to publicly shake him down for money to retire his campaign debt.

Jim Newberry- While his Bromanager’s whiny and unhinged email in the last days of the campaign certainly reeked of WATB, Newberry did not stop once the election was over. His concession speech, post-election interviews and farewell address were nothing but whining about Jim Gray, his money, and how nobody truly appreciated Newberry’s genius. Yet despite all of his whining, it is of no consequence.

Logan Askew- The LFUCG Law Commissioner decided to bring his family in as props when he went before the special investigation committee for questioning, explaining that his daughter seeing his name in the paper was a great tragedy that she might never recover from.Tiny violins.

Winner:

Rand Paul- Good God this man just whines and whines and whines and whines and whines and whines and whines. If you quote him in context he will whine. If you ask him a hard question he will whine. If you point out that he’s completely flipped his position he will whine. If you ask him to kneel down before your God, that you call Aqua Buddha, he will whine. And maybe that last one is warranted, but does it have to be that high-pitched whine that lasts for 4 minutes?

BEST KY BLOG/BLOGGER

Marion County Line- Like his dad, Jim Higdon is a crime fighter. Instead of wrestling shoplifters to the ground, he single handedly shut down a hillbilly heroin shack with nothing but his laptop. He was also a must read this year with his coverage of the Senate race, skewering both Conway and Paul when it was warranted (i.e., about every single day).

David Schankula- Sure, there’s his running series on the con by the Kentucky American Water Company and Republican Ben Chandler. But his Newberry Green Triangle Laser Vision of Destruction remix is the most profound piece of art this city’s seen in years. Also, this serves as payback for that Model Citizen malarkey.

Blue Bluegrass- It’s fair to assume that Bob Layton did not get a Christmas card from Renee True or the Curbstomper this year. I’m sure he’s devastated.

Rob Morris- He deserves this for his epic work on the CentrePointe scam, but getting called a communist by Darby Turner was the cherry on top.

Blue in the Bluegrass- Yellow Dog remains the Keymaster and Gatekeeper of our Order of the Shrill here in Bluegrass Blogtopia. And he’s the only person meaner to Ben Chandler than us, which is saying something.

The Hillbilly- Even violent state senators can’t stop Jim Pence and his camera from chasing down Rand Paul and his ilk.

Page One Kentucky- There’s a reason that 2.7 million people come to the Castle Gayskull every day. For all of those Jake Payne haters out there, remember that “a free society will abide unofficial, public gossip – even when that means allowing hate-filled gays to excoriate people because of how stupid, bigoted and corrupt they are”. Besides, Andy Wolfson has to steal his work from someone.

MOST INCOMPETENT POLITICO

Nate Hodson/Grayson staff- It might not be fair to put all of the blame directly on Nate Hodson’s shoulders, but it’s shocking how much ammunition was available to use against Rand Paul in the primary that was either not used or used very poorly. Conway was able to use some of this with success in the primary (non-violent crimes shouldn’t be against the law, etc…), but this and Rand’s buddy Alex Jones could have at least made it a competitive race when presented to Kentucky Republicans.

Mark Riddle- It’s not just that he went 0-4 this fall. In Lexington, his candidate had an approval rating in the 60′s and the unanimous support of the good old boys system, yet Jim Newberry was blown out. Why? Partly because of his disdain for the importance of a ground game, as he put a political novice in charge of it, matched up against Lisa Tanner on Gray’s side, the best field person in the state. The same Lisa Tanner that he should have hired way back in 2009, yet refused to do. To him, it was all about TV ads. Ads like the Aqua Buddha, which probably sunk Conway’s decent chances of making it a race. Another reason his ads couldn’t help? Because he sat on his ass after Rand Paul imploded on Rachel Maddow. Conway should have had a site set up by the next morning, taking in millions of dollars from around the country. Instead, Riddle scoffed at the idea and decided to make about 10 worthless petitions with no ask for money. He complained about what a disadvantage the campaign was at in terms of the amount of ads on the air, but if they acted quickly in May they would have been at an advantage.

Maybe 2010 will serve as an ego check for Mark Riddle and make him realize that it’s OK to listen to other people, as he doesn’t know everything. If not, good riddance.

BIGGEST KYDB (“The Dudley”)

Warren Rogers- The KAWC shill Rogers made the people of Lexington proud this year by calling out the Bolsheviks of Local First, and then mocking muslims visiting our city for the WEG games. That’s Mayor Gray to you, Warren.

Ed Lane- If any of you reading this have ever met LFUCG Councilman Ed Lane, there’s no need for me to even explain. It just oozes out of his pores.

DJ SANiTY- Demitri Kesoglides (aka DJ SANiTY) isn’t a Kentuckian, per se, but he captured the imagination of the state this June after DJing Rand Paul’s New York WMLP party. He taught us here in the comments about fist-pumping, good hygiene, and good eating habits, but left us all too soon. Haters gonna hate.

Leland Conway- It takes a special kind of pride in your own stupidity to think that driving your SUV’s around New Circle Road on Earth Day is a great way to stick it to The Man and Al Gore.

James Culpepper (CentrePointe)- Dudley Webb brought in his prize architect to sell Lexington once more on the new “refined” CentrePointe (complete with pedway!) to renew his permit. Culpepper proceeded to unleash the longest and most unbearable string of buzzwords and platitudes that Lexington has ever heard, perhaps the entire state. Can’t wait till next year.

Andy Wolfson- Taking other people’s research/work and presenting it as your own is NOT cool.

Mayfield Mosquebaggers- The good people of Mayfield, Kentucky rose up and saved Christianity by denying a permit for a fiendish terrorist training camp run by “those people”. Oh, I mean it was over two parking spaces in a strip mall. Yeah, that’s why.

BIGGEST EGO TRIPPER

Jake Payne-Outside of Beshear, Williams, McConnell and Paul, Gay Skeletor is the most powerful man in Kentucky politics. And he’s already received like 20 texts this morning from state legislators saying the same thing. And there’s this, of course. Just like last year, Jake will be pissed that his ego didn’t win a little Huxtable trophy.

Rand Paul- Actually, this award only goes to the pre-Maddow Rand, who thought he was the most brilliant intellectual in America and incapable of losing any argument. The post-Maddow Rand was afraid to talk to anyone outside of Fox News, literally ran away from reporters on multiple occasions, and did whatever Mitch McConnell told him to do. Kind of sad, really. I hope he gains some of his confidence back.

David Adams- I’m sure in David’s heart of hearts he thinks that he’s truly the candidate on the Moffett/Harmon ticket, that Rand would have won by 20 if he wasn’t fired, and that Rachel Maddow really is trying to personally Facebook stalk him. It’s a shame, because Adams really doesn’t need to try that hard. And he doesn’t have to make up stories like this to prove that he’s important. If he can ever overcome being the most self-absorbed and self-promoting man in Kentucky, it would serve him and his candidates well.

PERSON OF THE YEAR

Jim Gray- It takes guts to run for office. Especially when you’re an underdog, giving up a job you like, and face the serious threat of being demonized by bigoted lunatics. But he did, and he won, and all of his critics might now get a lesson on how you run a city.

And make no mistake, his victory was a BFD. And will give a lot of people hope.

John Yarmuth- (see “Best KY Democrat”, above)

The 2 people who applaud Gurley Martin at :50 in this video- That is nothing if not good citizenship.

Jim Gray’s campaign staff and volunteers- Incumbents with 60+% approval ratings, unanimous support of the good old boy system, and relatively even campaign spending are not supposed to be blown out by openly gay candidates in Kentucky. That stuff just doesn’t happen. But it did this year in Lexington, as Jim Gray proved all of the experts wrong and pummeled Jim Newberry like Dudley’s bulldozers pummeled the heart of my city two and a half years ago.

How did it happen? It happened because Jim Gray surrounded himself with young, intelligent, committed and dedicated staffers, who worked their asses off and ran circles around their competition (Jamie Emmons, Lisa Tanner, Walker Mattox, and everybody else, take a bow). It happened because of an army of inspired volunteers who would walk through a door for Gray (take a bow Lori Houlihan and everybody who knocked on doors and made phone calls).

Without the work and sacrifice of these people, Lexington would be looking at four more years of stagnation and devotion to the good old boy system. Because of their work, Lexington now has a chance to achieve something much greater, and I believe we will.

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That’s it for the first of the three installment of this year’s Rooties! Congrats to all of the winners and losers!

Tuesday morning will be Part II: Sights, Sounds and Sayings. This will include Best Musical Performance, Worst Political Ad, Best Image, Most Disturbing Image, Best Remix, Best Fashion, Best Photoshop, Best Catchphrase, Worst Rand Paul Song, Best Quote, Worst Quote, and Grumpiest Jim Bunning Quote.

Wednesday morning will be Part III: Moments, Achievement and Failures. This will include Most Humiliating Representation of Kentucky, Biggest/Best Lie, Best Moment, Best Achievement in Stalinist Purging, Best Schadenfreude Moment, Best Blogger Induced Fit of Rage/Whining, Best Conspiracy Theory, Best Fake Poll, Best Achievement in Coal Shilling, Best Debate Moment, Best Jack Conway Petition, Most Hilarious Political Spin, Best Sockpuppetry, Best Strategery, Best Comeback, Most Surreal Moment, Most Awkward Moment, and Best Abandonment of Principles by Rand Paul.

Tune in tomorrow!

I know I said they’d be ready a couple of weeks ago, but there was just too much of the crazy this year to document on time.

Before New Year’s Eve, I swear…

Yes indeed. Probably in about two weeks.

Here are last year’s. In addition to our old favorites, the new categories for this year’s will include Worst and Best Political advertisement, Most Fascinating Kentuckian (ala Baba Waba… this will be my favorite), Best temper tantrum, Best fake poll, Best Rand Paul abandonment of principle, and… probably more.

Suggestions welcome…

It looks like this year’s edition will be out Tuesday morning, stay tuned.

Here are last years awards.