JOHN KEMPER. The Tea Party hopeful was bankrupt and running for state auditor in order to get a handout from the government. “I’m living under the thumb of the federal government for five years,” he said, as if his bankruptcy qualified him for the job of auditor. And then there was his campaign ad:
And his facebook voter outreach:
THE REPUBLICAN PRESIDENTIAL PRIMARY CANDIDATES. They all tied with each other. Bachmann fell apart, Perry never realized he was a pawn in the establishment’s game, Pawlenty quit before the party started, Newt is out of his mind, Santorum is Rick Santorum and Mitt Romney speaks French. We wish them the best of luck in 2012.
WILLIAMS/FARMER: Man. That was a campaign? They didn’t even have a campaign manager for most of it. Between the televisions, the hotel stays, the gambling and the divorces, this was a total train wreck. Worse than all that, the down-ticket Republicans abandoned the top of their ticket because it was the only way they’d have a hope of winning. Epic.
RE-ELECT BESHEAR: C’mon. That was no campaign either. Celebrating it as a triumphant victory is like Terrence Jones thumping his chest and posing after repeatedly dunking over overmatched Transylvania in an exhibition game. Like his 2007 race, Beshear’s only job was to say little and promise less. Did he win? Yes. Did he take advantage of the opportunity? No.
ANDY BARR. Garlandy’s campaign year didn’t really start until 2012, but his campaign got underway with about the dumbest possible move as Andy came out in support of ending Medicare. Look for that in heavy rotation in 2012.
PHIL HARMON & MIKE MOFFET
BILL JOHNSON. The Secretary of State candidate called Trey Grayson his model even though Grayson had allowed the exact type of illegal voter fraud that has stolen hundreds of thousands of elections each year for the past ten centuries of this state’s existence. He also performed badly in the debates and spent his evenings trolling Barefoot&Progressive rather than, you know, running his campaign.
WINNER:
BOB FARMER. In a year in which the Democrats won every single state wide race except one, the obvious winner of the WORST CAMPAIGN ROOTIE is the one Democrat who managed to lose. The entire party steered clear of this guy and he went down in flames. But he never lost his sense of humor.
BEST CAMPAIGN:
RUNNER UP:
Let’s keep this brief. The runner up is ALLISON LUNDERGAN GRIMES. She performed well, won going away and may be a rising star in the party (if you want to totally overlook the overwhelming amount of cash she received from the coal industry). On top of all that, her primary night victory party was totally hilarious as every single mucketymuck in Commonwealth politics made sure to be at her party, some going so far as to ditch Beshear’s party early or, even better, skip it altogether. That was some serious politicking and some good drama.
WINNER:
Why, JAMIE COMER, of course. In a year where the Democrats won every single race but one, the BEST CAMPAIGN ROOTIE obviously goes to the Republican who beat the odds. While we’re mad at him for firing Richie’s girlfriend and that dude from Survivor, we sadly cannot hold that against him in the voting as it occurred in 2012 and these are the 2011 ROOTIES.
PHONIEST EXPLOITER OF RELIGION
RUNNERS UP:
LARRY FORGY. He probably doesn’t qualify as a runner up because its unclear if his anti-semitic rants against the Beshear/Abramson campaign were actually phony. Listening to him, it’s very possible he sincerely believes evil Jews control everything and must be stopped. But we’ll give him the benefit of the doubt (since we don’t have a Rootie yet for “scariest exploiter”… aka, “The Forgy.”)
STEVE BESHEAR. Dude literally gave $43 Million in tax breaks to the Dinosaur pArk.
KEN HAM. What a year! So much to highlight (tax breaks, self-coccooning fish as dinosaur food, repeatedly attacking Joe Sonka, etc), but let’s just pick one… Balaam’s talking donkey!
WINNER:
DAVID WILLIAMS. What a dick.
“Governor Beshear had a Hindu dot on his forehead, he had climbed down into a pit, he was sitting without his shoes, with his legs crossed in a worshipful situation with some sort of flower or something in his hand with his head bowed while Hindu priests did chants and prayers with incense.”
Best KY Activist
RUNNERS UP:
OCCUPY LEXINGTON. Lexington’s occupation is the third oldest in the nation. Their occupation of Chase’s plaza is the longest continuous uninterrupted occupation in the nation. They have powered through rain, sleet and snow. They rock.
BEN SELF/PROGRESSLEX. This was one of the biggest stories of the year in Lexington, as taxpayer funded Commerce Lexington’s taxpayer funded “Strategic Plan” for Lexington was revealed to be a poorly reworked copy and paste job, parading as actual strategies for improving Lexington, foremost amongst them, giving Commerce Lexington more taxpayer funding and more power over our city.
WINNER:
THE SIT-IN AT BESHEAR’S OFFICE/Kentuckians for the Commonwealth. First they went to the Governor’s office and demanded an audience. Then they waited him out. Then they got him to promise to come look at the water he is letting coal companies poison. Then they took a picture of the Governor looking at that poisoned water.
Steve Beshear didn’t give a damn about the poisoned people of Eastern Kentucky, but this band of merry activists revealed the Governor’s brashness, so in the end, they’re the winners and Steve’s just a sorry loser.
BEST BLOG/BLOGGER
RUNNERS UP:
ROB MORRIS / Lowell’s | Civil Mechanics. He didn’t blog often, but when he did, he proved yet again that he should really write more. His work on CentrePointe, in particular, remained excellent as he never drank the Webb-Aid and continued to point out the comprehensive insanity of the possibly inept developers’ plans.
YELLOW DOG / Blue in the Bluegrass. Day after day, Yellow Dog churns out great content with a tone and style that makes B&P blush. S/he has no time for bullshit.
WINNER:
MATT JONES / KentuckySportsRadio. Wait, what? Matt Jones? He writes a blog about Kentucky ba-ba-ba-basketball, how’s he winning the BEST BLOGGER ROOTIE for political blogs in Kentucky?
It’s simple really. In addition to running one of the most widely read sites in the state, Matt hosts a radio show and has a TV show. He is the King of All Kentucky Media. His writing is often sprinkled with left-leaning propaganda, inculcating the minds of UK basketball fans and sowing the seeds of communist revolt. His radio show is — seriously — the best local political talk radio show in the state. He goes up against Sue Wylie (and puts her nonsense to shame), comes on for the two hours preceding Rush Limbaugh and broadcasts in Lexington on the same station as the performance artist Leland Conway. His two hours are quite possibly the only place on the AM dial in Lexington where you will hear anyone speak well of the President and point out the inanity of the Republican Party.
Even though most of his grown-ass fans can’t stand it when he gets political on his site or on his shows, Matt still does it and the beauty of that — what makes him the best political blogger in the state — is the army of 8 to 18 year olds, from Paducah to Pikeville, who are tuning in for MKG analysis and getting it with a side of lefty politics. That changes minds.
Also, Matt will probably be the governor one day. Or at least the end of Hal Rogers. Mark it down.
This one’s a doozy. We’ve been putting it off but then last night we walked down the steps of the Carnegie Center with Congressman Ben Chandler after the Gatewood memorial and, of course, that was not the time, but today is as good as any. Let’s get ‘er done.
***MOST REPREHENSIBLE BEN CHANDLER VOTE OF 2011***
Before we get to the bad ones, it is worth noting (and only fair) that 2011 was not an entirely dark year for our dear 6th District Congressman, little “d”, Ben Chandler. The few bright spots include his championing of public broadcasting, his no-brainer stance on not Andy Barring Medicare, his stance for Obama’s Jobs Act, maybe a couple of health care votes, his vote with the Dems on HR3 and abortion and the fact that, year-end, he gave up on Grover Norquist (or, at least claimed he did) and finally inched toward expiring the Bush Tax Cuts (while admirable, a bit too late).
My mother always said, if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all. That was nice. Now let’s get to what Ben Chandler did that was, to put it politely, not nice. (To put it accurately, reprehensible.)
RUNNERS UP:
Ben Chandler votes with Republicans to dismantle the EPA. Chandler vote lined up with 1st District Rep. Ed Whitfield, who explained the intention of his and Chandler’s vote thusly: “We must stop this out-of-control EPA and that’s precisely what this bill is designed to do.”
When hundreds of Republicans signed on to a letter to the EPA and President Obama written by one of their rank-and-file attacking the EPA’s enforcement of the Clean Water Act, what did Ben Chandler do? Yup… Ben signed on, too. Here’s a taste of the letter:
“The President and his unelected bureaucrats are once again attempting to change the rules as the game is being played to ram their radical agenda down the throats of the American people…. By the Corps and EPA’ own admission, their ‘Guidance’ will substantively change federal policy and significantly increase the scope of the federal government’s reach to regulate waters.”
The horror! Clean water? Like, gag me with a spoon.
Right around the one-year anniversary of the BP® Gulf Oil Spill™, Ben Chandler joined the Republican majority in voting to open the gulfstream waters to more oil drilling.
The House Republicans added an amendment into the Defense spending bill reaffirming Congressional support for the Defense of Marriage Act which doesn’t protect heterosexual unions from divorce or affairs but does protect them from queers getting hitched. Defender of marriage and homophobe Ben Chandler voted with the Republicans.
In July, the House Republicans tried again to destroy the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau and 10 Democrats voted alongside them. One man who won’t protect you from America-hating credit-predators?Ben Chandler! (To be fair, this vote is a show of consistency since Ben voted against the CFPB originally in 2010 whilst voting against reforming Wall Street.)
In September, Ben Chandler voted with Ed Whitfield on Whitfield’s TRAIN Act to gut the EPA and block mercury regulations. Because kids should be free to play with and consume mercury.
In March, Ben Chandler joined every single member of the Republican controlled House of Representatives in a vote to strip the EPA of funding for its work to regulate toxic coal ash. The Sierra Club explained the impact of Chandler’s vote:
The Energy Information Agency calculates that coal power plants in Kentucky generate 8.6 million tons of coal waste each year, that is accumulating in 44 coal ash impoundments and continually release toxic mercury, selenium, arsenic and hexavalent chromium into our water and food chain. Seven of these coal ash sites have been designated as “high hazard” by EPA, which means that a break in the impoundment would result in significant environmental damage, illnesses or deaths.
In December, the House passed the Regulatory Flexibility Act. No Republicans voted against it, and Ben Chandler voted for it. John Conyers wrote of the Republican/Chandler bill:
My conservative colleagues argue that this legislation is necessary because too much regulation is responsible for our nation’s current economic difficulties. They must be suffering from some collective form of amnesia.It was not too much regulation of Wall Street that led to the near collapse of the worldwide marketplace. It was not too much regulation that caused the BP oil spill. And, it was not too much regulation that allowed mortgage brokers, servicers, bankers and others to engage in predatory lending and falsify foreclosure documents in court proceedings.
Last January, Ben Chandler tried to quietly slip this vote by you, joining all the Republicans to vote for the “Repeal and Replace” bill which would have ordered four GOP-controlled House committees to go through the Health Care Bill, systematically ripping out its guts. Requiring insurance companies to cover prostate and breast exams? Gone. Requiring them to cover people with pre-exisitng conditions? Gone. Gone, gone, gone.
Mere hours before Barack Obama’s 2011 State of the Union, Ben Chandler voted with the unanimous House Republican majorityto hand unilateral financial power over non-Defense spending to one single member of the House — Mr. Paul Ryan.
How do you pick a winner when those are the runners up? What could be worse? What could be more reprehensible? What was Ben Chandler’s most reprehensible vote of 2011?
And the winner is…….
Ben Chandler voted to strip funding for aid to HIV-stricken women and poor starving children around the world!
Let them eat cake? Screw cake.
Yes, my fellow 6th District Kentuckians, that’s precisely what Ben Chandler voted for back on July 21st, 2011, when the House Foreign Affairs Committee voted to block US foreign aid to organizations that provide medicine and food to sick and dying women and children.
One single Democrat on the committee voted with the Republicans.
RUNNERS UP: –RAND PAUL goes on The Daily Show and actually argues that the air has gotten so much cleaner over the past 30 years that the government regulations that stopped corporations from dumping crap into the environment are no longer needed.
–Comrade RAND PAUL, who mocked Trey Grayson for suggesting a multi-year approach to balancing the budget might be feasible — “those who would propose a ten year plan to balance the budget,” Paul said in 2010, “might want to remember the Soviet agricultural five-year plans.” — enters the United States Senate and proposes a five year balanced budget.
–STEVE BESHEAR‘s absurd “Earth Day” address. So dumb it almost satirized itself. Almost.
–GEOFFERSON DAVIScasually announces the Iraq War was a mistake. This from a man who railed against opponents of the war, Democrats and the media in general, saying to anyone who might question the wisdom (or facts) of the war, and I quote: “Your comments, frankly, are despicable, dishonorable, uninformed, unhistorical, anti-intellectual and, frankly, un-American.”
–KEN HAM and the Ark Park Compromisers tell LEO Weekly’s Meador that, perhaps, there won’t be any dinosaurs on the park after all. But they’re torn… because the T-Rex is where the scrilla’s at. If this were true, Ham et al. would easily win this category, but it’s not true. There will be dinosaurs because, as they said, that’s where the money’s at. Apparently, Ken Ham and friends are liars.
–ED WHITFIELD calls for an end to government regulation hours after attending a ribbon-cutting ceremony for a government-funded and government-regulated water treatment plant in his own district.
–RAND PAUL calls for jailing people who attend radical political speeches. Really. The supposed libertarian said, “But if someone is attending speeches from someone who is promoting the violent overthrow of our government, that’s really an offense that we should be going after — they should be deported or put in prison.”
–The winner is obviously someone who knows how to win… at basketball or in elementary school, where he graduated at the top of his class. Ladies and Germs, Elementary School Valedictorian and player of baskets and balls, RICHIE FARMER:
***MOST EMBARRASSING REPRESENTATION OF KENTUCKY***
RUNNERS UP:
–POLITICOmistakesSTEVE BESHEAR‘s victory for some sort of model Democrats in other state’s should follow.
–A tiny fraction of A TINY PIKE COUNTY CHURCH vote to disallow interracial couples. The entire country takes notice and pretends the story is representative of the state of Kentucky even though, clearly, the tiny church was immediately shunned by most of Pike County and most of the state and soon buckled under the pressure.
–THE ANNUAL FARM MACHINERY SHOW in Louisville hits a snag when attendees learn a new law will preclude them from spending their evenings inside strip clubs looking at nipples.
–LOUISVILLE COPS & I.C.E. arrest a Louisville citizen and detain him for four days on suspicion of being not from this country, despite all evidence to the contrary.
–MISS KENTUCKY, contestant in the Go-Bots of beauty contests, the Miss USA Pageant:
–THE BLUEGRASS FAIR’s “Casey Anthony” Dunk Tank. It made national headlines and got shut down in a day.
WINNER:
–STEVE BESHEAR’S CREATIONIST DINOSAUR BOAT. Duh. What did you think would win? The Governor of the Commonwealth gave $43 Million to Ken Ham to retell the tall but incredibly true tale of a literally 600 year old man literally building a giant boat in literally 7 days and literally collecting two of every kind of animal in the entire freaking world which literally includes dinosaurs in a depressed Kentucky county. Good times. Weep no more, my lady triceratops.
Jeez. Where to start? Okay, here… Frank Simon’s hate fest:
Next… Alex Jones culture jams The View:
Rev. Lee Watts, chaplain of the Kentucky State Assembly, sends the coolest e-mails. Smite or Bless? Our G-d is an awesome G-d who uses a crazy keyboard because of his giant omnipotent fingers.
Why Free Inhalers? Because COAL CARES.
Coal Cares™ is a brand-new initiative from Peabody Energy, the world’s largest private-sector coal company, to reach out to American youngsters with asthma and to help them keep their heads high in the face of those who would treat them with less than full dignity. For kids who have no choice but to use an inhaler, Coal Cares™ lets them inhale with pride.
Puff-Puff™ inhalers are available free to any family living within 200 miles of a coal plant, and each inhaler comes with a $10 coupon towards the cost of the asthma medication itself.
Ken Ham and the Dinosaur pArk abandon their promise to build a ride-less theme park by introducting possibly the worst idea for an amusement park ride in the 6,000 year history of the world — The 10 Plagues Ride:
Jim Newberry’s new media empire can’t be linked to by current technology, but they did have enough money to hire Ashton Kutcher to pitch their new brand of unviewable news:
Bill Goodman asks David Williams if he’s a “bully” and Williams responds by bullying Goodies:
“The large sauropods could have eaten compressed hay, other dried plant material, seeds and grains, and the like. Carnivorous dinosaurs—if any were meat-eaters before the Flood—could have eaten dried meat, reconstituted dried meat, or slaughtered animals. Giant tortoises would have been ideal to use as food in this regard. They were large and needed little food to be maintained themselves. There are also exotic sources of meat, such as fish that wrap themselves in dry cocoons.”
Mmmmm. Self-cocooning fish.
Winner #2:Ken Ham, Answers in Genesis and The Steve Beshear Ark Park!
Ham, et al., begin to backtrack on their promise to bring the Dinosaur Gospel to a state-funded theme park near year… but that’s all just a show because Ken Ham is never going to stop shaking his real money maker, the dinosaurs he calls “Missionary Lizards.”
Winner #3: Jeffrey D. Bornhoeft, Ken Ham & The Creation Museum!
LEBANON — An Ohio man — who killed his ex-wife’s new husband but was found not guilty by reason of insanity in 2000 — has received permission to leave the state to visit the Creation Museum in Petersburg, Ky.It will mark the first time in 11 years that Jeffrey D. Bornhoeft will be allowed to leave Ohio for a trip his father said he is taking because he has become involved with a church since the shooting death.
The Webbs have already secured Spanish money for CentrePointe and they’re going to start building before the summer is over. This wacky one came out pre-Gang and, like CentrePointe itself, never really materialized. At least… not that we can see but perhaps the building is going up at this very moment and none of us can see it. That’s possible, too. Holograms and mirrors.
CentrePointe has always been part of a casino package and when it became clear Beshear was going to win again and was going to push casino gambling again, the Webbs dumped their genius designer and reverted back to the cement behemoth idea originally planned in 2007/8 to complement the then-promise of coming casino millions.
Fringe 3rd district congressional candidate Marylin Parker saysPresident Obama is behind the Giffords assassination attempt… and DADT is responsible for birds dying:
Rand Paul’s buddy, Alex Jones, reveals the truth behind government surveillance — the light bulbs are spying on you:
Joe announces a fundraiser for B&P but really it’s just a ploy to secure a job out of town.
“Abramson didn’t become mayor of the most liberal city in the state by accident,” said Luke Marchant, Williams’ campaign manager. “He funneled taxpayer money to the pro-abortion group Planned Parenthood.”
Steve Beshear is going to leave the Governor’s mansion half way through his term to a) challenge Mitch McConnell and b) to install Jerry Abramson as his replacement.
The state Republican Party dispatches Larry Forgy to drum up anti-semitism in the Governor’s race because the Jews control everything:
David Williams reveals Beshear’s secret plan to “infect” the people of Kentucky with… Jerry Abramson:
“Steve Beshear’s mission is to infect all of state government and all of Kentucky with Jerry Abramson’s liberal tendencies, record of mismanagement, and failures on job creation. Every voter should take a hard look at Abramson’s record and wonder if they want that sort of leadership in their community.”
WINNER:
Bill Johnson concocts bizarre story that Kentucky’s elections are being stolen by a non-existent organization and an army of homeless veterans.
In previous years, this was just “Most Blatant Lie.” But in 2011 we realized the art to these lies thanks to the true artist in our midst, Mr. Mitch McConnell, and so now not only is this category for the “BEST LIE” it’s also named after the best liar of them all. Let’s get to it…
RUNNERS UP:
This one’s a runner up like Al Gore was a runner up. Jim Newberry‘s new media empire spent the year with this ridiculous claim and yet, no one can actually navigate to their website. It’s physically impossible.
“I didn’t say that… It doesn’t even make sense.”
–Steve Beshear, after calling KY GOP Senators “fat guys” on tape. (Steve previously got a Runner Up for this in the “Worst Quote” category.)
The state, the nation and the world will continue to be dependent upon the industry while we also fully harness solar, wind, hydro and other energy sources for our energy needs.
–Steve Beshear, obviously lying about his interest and the state’s progress in “fully harnessing” alternative energy sources.
The Governor also reminded the President that the EPA’s continued and unexplainedshifting of regulations regarding coal mining jeopardizes thousands of Kentucky jobs and causes detrimental ripple effects in other state job sectors – especially manufacturing.
–Steve Beshear and his press people put out a ludicrous press release that lied from start to finish about a conversation Beshear supposedly had with President Obama in a 90-second interaction on an airport tarmac in which Beshear, according to him, berated the President of the United States about politics, infrastructure, the EPA and everything else. In 90 seconds. Totally ridiculous.
We also need to understand that poverty is not a state of permanence. When you look at people in the bottom 5th of the economic ladder — those at the bottom — only 5 percent are there after 16 years. People move up, the American dream does exist…The rich are getting richer, but the poor are getting richer even faster.
–Mitch McConnell tells the President that he’s willing to let the American government default, unless Democrats agree to cut Medicare too, thus taking away the Democrats’ electoral advantage next year. The same day, he puts out a video and press release asserting that Americans don’t want to cut Medicare (which is true). So, Mitch — who voted to slash Medicare in the 90s and 00s — tries to tell Americans that he wants to cut Medicare while telling them he doesn’t want to cut Medicare… and… yes, Mitch is a liar.
“Well, I think we’ve gotten to the point where we ought to put aside our talking points.”
–Mitch McConnell, lying on ABC’s This Week back in June. (See here.)
“Finally just let me say for those who participate in the trial. How would you like to be the judge on a case like this? How would you like to be the prosecutor? How would you like to be a juror? Before this ill advised decision to try these foreign terrorists in Bowling Green, I think I’m fairly safe in saying there’s probably not a foreign terrorist in the world who could have found Bowling Green, KY on a map. They know where it is now.”
–Mitch McConnelltells Ryan Alessi that not only is Sarah Palin qualified to be President, but that George W. Bush is a liar. Has the man no shame?
The Constitution must be amended to keep the government in check. We’ve tried persuasion. We’ve tried negotiations. We’re tried elections. Nothing has worked.
“My point was that, ironically, it is probably the best time, and some would argue the only time, to do really hard things, because really hard things done on a partisan basis cannot be accomplished and produces a wipeout in the next election,” McConnell said. “This is actually the perfect time.”
Strangely enough, we name the award after Mitch and that old coot can’t even win his own prize in its first year.
So who does win?
KING COAL!
It’s no surprise the coal industry lies. The sky is also blue and in Kentucky so is the grass. These are just inalienable truths. So how did the Coal Industry manage to win the award? By being extra offensive. In 2011, they continued to poison people, they continued to control our politicians (poor sad old Beshear and Chandler), and on top of all that, Massey Coal changed its name as if that might change its murderous past and, faced with a study linking mountaintop removal to birth defects, the Coal Industry fired back… blaiming the birth defects on the inbred hillbillies who mine their coal.
If you’re willing to go that far out on a limb, you get “The Mitch” and Mitch just gets to live with himself.
Todd P’Pool: Obama is Destroying America… with dripping blood text!
Todd P’Pool: Jesus Christ!
Todd P’Pool: CSI fantasy role-playing!
Tim Pawlenty and his wife stare at each other like aliens are about to crawl out of their heads!
Tim Pawlenty: Let’s run for president for three months and blow an assload of money pretending I’m an action hero!
Rick Perry: Totally not gay.
David Adams/Phil Moffett: David Williams is a Walrus and Steve Beshear is Jesus a carpenter.
David Williams: Totally not Darth Vader
Bobbie Holsclaw: No one actually watched this.
Andy Barr: Creepy. We are blessed… with those eyes.
David Williams: This woman was just walking down the street and totally randomly ran into this camera crew and had this completely off-the-cuff conversation about David Williams that is not at all rehearsed or written for her.
David Williams: The very white anti-busing ad! With Third Eye Blind.
WINNER:
Steve Beshear‘s gonna blow up the mountains and you can suck it!
BEST POLITICAL ADVERTISEMENT
RUNNERS UP: John Lackey’s cow
Willie for Gatewood
Here’s what Gov. Beshear and Ben Chandler are all about with their anti-EPA rhetoric and votes:
Herman Cain‘s ode to Mike Gravel’s rock-in-pond ad:
Moffett/Adams release video of Rand Paul dumping on David Williams:
Ed Whitfield is killing unborn human beings.
WINNERS:
Alison Lundergan Grimes‘ Grandmothers. It just needs puppies. And rainbows.
Well folks, it’s that time of year. Time for the B&P round up of everything that was awesome and everything that was G-dawful in the state of Kentucky in the year that was.
Suffice to say, it’s good we’ve put this one behind us.
But! Before we try to just forget it, let’s walk down a hellish memory lane and revisit the highs and lows (spoiler alert: there are a lot of lows).
Because there are so many awards — and because we procrastinated again — we’ll be doing this in parts. We’ll get to MOMENTS & ACHIEVEMENTS (featuring 2011′s Best Moment!) and PEOPLE (who was Kentucky’s person of the year?) in the next couple days. First…
THE 2011 ROOTIES for SIGHTS & SOUNDS!
***BEST FASHION***
RUNNERS UP:
Mitch McConnell spent July 4th in Campbellsville in these attractive red pants. So don’t you dare say he’s not patriotic. (Also, they make his butt look cute.)
Not to be outdone, our other Senator set the fashion world a-buzz with this DC Metro ensemble. Here you see Rand Paul not only bringing back that color of blue jean but matching it with a almost clashing blue picnic-table shirt, some un-American trainers and what appears to be either a shoulder bag. No good lady can go out in the big city without a handbag full of make-up and perhaps a change of clothes. Also fashionable? Collectivist transportation.
Hal Rogers get’s a Runner Up award for this outstanding crotch shot. The House Appropriations Chief spent the year pretending to be a vegetarian, eschwing pork while attacking the President and Democrats for spending federal money to better America. Here the budget slashing Congressman sports a rigid incisor at the opening of an Obama-funded business incubator in Eastern Kentucky, proof that even the drabbest outfit can be transformed by a well-placed accessory:
For the second year in a row, the Lexington July 4th festivities brought out the best in the Lexington Tea Party. Last year it was their “YUP, I’M A RACIST!” t-shirts that caught the national fancy and this year they were back with this attractive earth tone (or here):
Obviously America’s last cowboy, Rick Perry, left his indelible print upon our year:
Richie Farmer started a national sensation with this haircut (or here) which was eventually adopted by teen idol Justin Bieber.
WINNER:
“He’s sitting down there with his legs crossed, participating in Hindu prayers with a dot on his forehead with incense burning around him. I don’t know what the man was thinking.” – David Williams
Thanks to David Williams, everyone in the world continues to think of Kentucky as a backward, ignorant land full of idiots. As far as we’re concerned, Steve Beshear‘s fashion statement gave the governor a brief reprieve as the chief panderer in the State. (And maybe this is why Steve failed to beat Dave by 30 points.)
***BEST IMAGE***
RUNNERS UP:
Bankruptcy or no bankruptcy, failed candidate for auditor John Kemper looks good in leather and his campaign knew how to deliver a message. Or at least an image.
Jim Newberry‘s New Digital Media Empire put a smile on the faces of their tens of readers for months on end:
With both Lexington and Louisville enjoying new Mayors as 2011 got under way, Jim Gray and Greg Fischer made a bet over the the Kentucky/Louisville game and — do you remember? — Jorts and Co. destroyed the Cards. While Louisville may no longer exist, this shot of Lexington’s dear Wildcat on the Looeyville Mayoral desk still does:
On the 3rd Anniversary of B&P last March, Joe and his 8-year-old niece had a brainstorming session. They set forth a course for the future which apparently the rest of us didn’t read closely enough because there’s a hidden message about Sonka selling out and repatriating to Pitinoville.
For a brief period of time, people kind of tried to like the Webbs:
Stephen Shepard captured this spirit of the Occupy Lexington action:
For the first year of my life I was
HOMELESS
I am the 99%
After a magazine no one actually reads named Lexington the Laziest City in America, Lexington got together and celebrated with a sedentary parade, complete with the Mayor riding a couch, making headlines out of lemons.
WINNER:
After an extended sit-in at the Governor’s office, Steve Beshear promised to come look at poisoned water of Eastern Kentucky. The Governor appeared puzzled, as if none of his King Coal friends had ever mentioned such a thing and, pretty much speechless, Beshear returned to Frankfort a changed man, no longer shilling to the Coal companies while the state’s poorest and most vulnerable citizens continue to suffer.
J/k! He totally didn’t give a sh*t about the poison water. But we’ll get to that later. For now, congrats to Steve, KFTC and all the Sit-In folks for making these amazing images happen. More on them all to come.
– Mitch McConnell, explaining how your grandmother who may or may not understand how to use a DVR is going to trade complex derivatives so that Social Security can be destroyed.
“Heritage Action is a self-interested fundraising organization … a worthless organization to the conservative movement.”
4th District Congressman Geofferson Davis, attacking the far right Heritage Institute. He would go on to call out the wider population of opportunists who are manipulating already disturbed voters, saying: “A lot of people who may be conservative are also profiting off the anger they are creating outside.”
WINNER:
“Oh my god. That’s just crazy… Really that is wacko.”
–Isabel Sawhill, economist at the Brookings Institute, reacting to Rand Paul‘s fantasy budget that would have stripped funding from eduction, research, infrastructure, food and drug testing, consumer safety, food stamps, housing, Big Bird and Terry Gross, among other things.
***WORST/MOST DISGUSTING QUOTE***
RUNNERS UP:
“Secession is an option.”
–Jim Gooch, the Commonwealth’s most embarrassing legislator (and in whose honor we long ago named the “Worst Kentucky Democrat” Rootie), explaining how the state might respond to EPA rules on mountaintop removal.
Q: What is a word that starts with a “N” and ends with an “R” that you never, ever, ever, want to call a black person?
A: Neighbor.
–Morgan Hancock, fellow-traveller of local conservative “personality” Leland Conway, tells a joke on facebook. Do you get it? Do you?
“I think it’s not whether we need to cut it; it’s whether we need to quadruple it.”
–Doug Martin, Lexington’s foul-mouthed city councilmember, responding to calls for slashing Commerce Lexington’s taxpayer financing after they submitted a fabricated “economic analysis” of the city.
“I apologize if it offends anyone.”
–Bob Farmer, the Democrats nominee for Commissioner of Agriculture, not apologizing for basically calling Kentuckians a bunch of toothless, inbred hicks.
“I didn’t say that… It doesn’t even make sense.”
–Steve Beshear, after calling KY GOP Senators “fat guys” on tape.
“We just found with the Caylee Anthony case how difficult it is to get a conviction in a U.S. Court.”
“We want to keep passing things on the House side that would reverse things EPA is doing simply because we’d like to see those 22 Democratic senators up for re-election next year vote on some of this.”
–Ed Whitfield, 1st District Congressman in a moment of honesty, explaining how the House GOP has no interest in creating jobs or helping (or even protecting) everyday Americans and are focused solely on debasing the debate in hopes of controlling both houses of Congress. Just like Mitch and his “top priority,” Ed and friends just want to destroy the President, and they don’t care how much you get hurt in the process.
“I don’t know the love that this fellow over here has for the Big Orange (TN). I tell you, I don’t like their football, I don’t like their basketball, and that Jack Daniels is not a bourbon, it doesn’t qualify.”
“We need to not look enviously at the fellow next to us who has three cars and we have one car…. We need to get out there and work hard. We need to be educated. We need our kids to thrive. We can do it again, but you’re never getting there by envy. You’re not getting there by class warfare. You have to get there by producing things again and thriving as a country.”
–Rand Paul, Class Warrior, because the income inequality in America isn’t the result of class warfare at all.
“It’s not Roo-ee-ville, it’s Roo-uh-ville.”
–Hal Rogers, racist Congressman, mocking the Chinese ambassador.
“There are people now who hesitate to tell a joke to a woman in the workplace, any kind of joke, because it could be interpreted incorrectly. I don’t. I’m very cautious.”
–Rand Paul, whose mother is so stupid she thinks gold is not just another imaginary currency. In context though, Rand was defending sexual harassment in the workplace, in particular as regards Herman Cain.
“There’s no question at times of my life, partially driven by how passionately I felt about this country, that I worked far too hard and things happened in my life that were not appropriate.”
Some Christians today are like the hippies of 50 years ago who used the word “love” to justify their fornications and sins against the word of God. The hippie culture is often pictured as a group of drug-addicted, fornicating drunks whose catchphrase “make love, not war” gave their movement a false sense of piety.
–Nathan Ham, son of Dinosaur Ark Park genius Ken Ham, keeping it real. Where can we find all these dope smoking fornicating Christians? Is there a directory?
“Welfare has destroyed the African-American family by telling young black women that husbands and fathers are unnecessary and obsolete. Welfare has subsidized illegitimacy by offering financial rewards to women who have more children out of wedlock. We have incentivized fornication rather than marriage, and it’s no wonder we are now awash in the disastrous social consequences of people who rut like rabbits.”
–The American Family Association, a hate group that — for some reason — still gets taken seriously by Kentucky politicians and some members of the media.
WINNER:
All those quotes above were pretty good… or pretty bad, since this is the WORST QUOTE category, but to them we say:
Much respect goes out to Gov. Steve Beshear for sweeping the Quote category. Dude knows how to win.
***BEST VIDEO***
RUNNERS UP:
Rep. Jackie Speier‘s takes on the “Jobs Jobs Jobs” Republican House as they waste America’s time over Planned Parenthood:
Joe Sonkachats with fetus fetishists on the University of Kentucky campus. They discuss how many years in prison women should receive… but it turns out women are really stupid and murderous doctors are confusing the simple-minded women. Silly women.
Bernie Sandershumiliates Rand Paul over the “enslavement” of our nation’s health care workers. Are they human, are they dancer or are they slaves!?
This has nothing to do with Kentucky, except that it probably explains part of Steve Beshear’s thinking about the dinosaur boat, but Kentucky or not, there is no denying this is the best video of 2011.
How’d it here? Can you explain it to me? How did this little video get here? C’mon.
Bill O’Reilly — Tide Goes In, Tide Goes Out, Never a Miscommunication.
***WORST VIDEO***
RUNNERS UP:
Can you get through the full 10:00 minutes of Rand Paul trying to make jokes? It’s terrible. Terrible. He does make fun of Newt Gingrich for leaving all his wives on their… vows. But seriously, this is terrible.
Jack Conway skateboards and tells kids to eat well:
Morgan Hancock‘s hilarious joke about neighbors and black people was just a preview of her larger comedic talents. The studio audience LOVES LOVES LOVES this video… will you?
WINNER:
Bob Farmer’s stand-up routine. More or less funny than Rand Paul and Morgan Hancock? Hard to say. What you can say, though, is this guy lost his election and the Dems failed to sweep the state.
***BEST MUSICAL PERFORMANCE***
RUNNERS UP:
The Phil Moffett Doo Doo Doody Song. Doody? Doody.
The Battle Hymn of Sarah Palin. She’s heading South to hunt some skunk, dontcha know.
Herman Cain is America, and you can too.
Sharon Angle sings I’m Proud to be an American. Her voice is more powerful and dangerous than her Second Amendment remedies.
WINNER:
Rivoli Revue’s “Phil Moffett Song”. This is the second year in a row that this talented and dashing pair of white people have taken the Rootie in this category. Phil Moffett couldn’t afford to put up a single television ad, but they did manage to pay this red-blooded immigrant-hating duo to make this stirring song, accompanied by gripping stock photos in the accompanying YouTube video. What will they do next?! (*Thomas Massie for Congress, cough*)
It’s that time of the year, folks. The Rooties are coming and it is our job to ring those bells and warn them not to be taking our arms.
But we can’t ring all them bells ourselves (our guns is tired), so we cordially invite you to throw in your nominations for this annual extravaganza of Kentucky’s Best and Worst from the past year.
The only groundrule, really, is that it’s gotta be (at least kind of) Kentucky and it’s gotta be from this past year. You can leave your notes in the comments or you can send us secret private messages here.
If you’re looking for inspiration or a walk down memory lane, you can also check out the Rooties of years past:
Closing scene! Its time to hand out the 2010 Rooties awards, acknowledging the best and worst of Kentucky politics in this quite foul year of our lord.
This is the last of our 4 installments of this year’s Rooties, finishing up the best/worst moments and achievements of 2010. (Be sure to check out Part One, Part Two and Part Three).
Onward!
********************************************
BEST DEBATE MOMENT
Runner up:
Gurley Martin crashes debate with his birth certificate- Once Gurley walked to the stage waving his birth certificate and screaming “my name is Gurley L. Martin!”, everyone knew it was time to start letting him on stage and giving him a microphone.
Christopher Hignite accuses Chuck Ellinger of murder- Well, not murder per se. Just the cover up of murder and prostitution on a grand scale within the Lexington political establishment.
Christopher Hignite confronts mayoral candidates in a bunny costume- This happened.
Winner:
Gurley Martin has never raped a woman or lynched a black man- Moments like these are why Gurley Martin needs to take on Mitch McConnell in 2014. He is a treasure.
Jack Conway- When is it ever appropriate to tie up your integrity, then make it bow down and worship your God, that you call King Coal?
“I have opposed EPA efforts to impose oppressive air quality standards”
Jim Newberry- Newberry invited all of Kentucky’s coal executives to a fundraiser, explaining that his opponent Jim Gray “has been associated with individuals that have opposed the efforts of the coal and energy industry“. FEAR. And who were they talking about? The Louisville Brown family, that has given to every major Democrat in the state, including coal shills and Newberry’s own brother. FAIL.
Keith Hall- Why was the flooding in Pikeville this year so catastrophic? All of the new mountaintop removal sites around the worst areas? Nope, it was “urban sprawl”, which has really gotten out of control. In Pikeville.
Stephen Colbert- I think Jim Gooch actually believes this:
“You’re all anti-mountaintop removal, but let’s face facts. These mountain will grow back.”
“Every valley shall be filled in, every mountain and hill shall be made low; The rugged land shall be made a plain, the rough country, a broad valley. Then the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all mankind shall see it together; for the mouth of the Lord has spoken.” Isaiah 40:4-5
“LASKEW”- It’s just a total coincidence that somebody with this name popped up as a new commenter in the Herald Leader’s comments spouting all of Logan Askew’s talking points.
Thomas Kubica- Rand Paul’s staffers went so far as to dip into the Great Orange Satan in defense of Liberty.
Winner:
Jordan Palmer- “Michael J. Thomas” would like to inform us all that Matthew Vanderpool’s campaign manager Jordan Palmer is a goddamned genius and the reincarnation of Harvey Milk. ISSUES!
Rand Paul accuses David Adams of lying/self-promotion- Which was actually false, as Rand Paul’s campaign signed of on the statement in support of the Fair Tax, then later lied about it and scapegoated Paul’s former campaign manager that brought him to the dance. Awkward!
Rand Paul runs from the Hillbilly and union members- He is a delicate flower that cannot be bothered by the commoners and rabble. Actually, we could choose from about 7 different videos of him running from people with cameras and microphones.
Andrea James laughs at Jim Newberry- Newberry asserts his authority at a council meeting, only to get laughed at in front of everyone by council member Andrea James.
Ray Larson creeps out his female interns- Fayette Commonwealth Attorney Ray Larson is a generally despicable guy, but these creepyvideos he makes of his young females interns will give you the heebee jeebees.
Newberry caught cheering for Rand Paul- Mr. Mayor kinda realized a little too late that it might be a bad idea to cheer for Randy when I was behind him taping it.
Bizarro Lincoln- Abraham Lincoln is now all about states rights, and at least open to the idea of secession. Down with interventionist federal government!
Winner:
Mitch McConnell sobs on the Senate floor- He did it twice actually, but this one for his staff member is…. yeah.
BEST STRATEGERY
Runners up:
Wes Collins- A Congressional candidate asking a man in “Yup I’m a Racist” T-shirt for his vote on camera is certainly a bold move.
Jim Newberry- Of course a Democratic mayoral candidate can go to a Republican rally a few days before an election and cheer for Rand Paul. What could possibly go wrong?
Winner:
Matthew Vanderpool / Jordan Palmer- What do you do when you’re a longshot gay candidate running against an entrenched homophobe? Well, you preemptively trash the Victory Fund and “the gay agenda”, then claim to the press that you won’t openly “prance around” and say “gay this and gay that” like those other gay candidates. Vanderpool claimed that’s how he was able to neutralize his gayness and “nip it in the bud“. Shocking how that didn’t work out…
*********************************
That’s it! The Rooties are finally done! Again, if you haven’t seen the first three sections of the 2010 Rooties, you can find them here, here and here.
Did we miss anything? If you have any suggestions for people/things/moments/pics that you think deserve mention as well, please leave them in the comments. I know I left out a few that probably deserve mention, so I’ll probably throw up an Island of Lost Rooties post sometime tomorrow to at least give them a tip of the hat. (Shaye’s KLC tweet? Mongiardo shaving pigs and milking cows? Judge Pamela Goodwine’s jail break?)
It’s that time of year again, boys and girls! Its time to hand out the 2010 Rooties awards, acknowledging the best and worst of Kentucky politics in this quite foul year of our lord.
You’ve seen Parts 1 (People) and 2 (Sights/Sounds), now comes Part 3 of this epic Rooties saga, where we look at 2010′s best and worst moments and achievements. It’s so chock full of crazy and funny that we’re only going to give you half of it today, and saving the final installment for tomorrow morning.
Hey ho lets go:
********************************************
MOST HILARIOUS POLITICAL SPIN
Runners up:
Rand Paul’s “primary pledge”- Rand Paul repeatedly said that you should vote for him because he pledged not to take money from senators who voted for the bank bailout. Until he decided to take their money himself. You see, that pledge was only an unspoken “primary pledge“. Snort.
Jack Conway explains Aqua Buddha- “I”m not questioning his faith, I’m questioning his actions”. Suuuure you are.
Kim Geveden on Mongiardo’s collapse in the polls- Upon the news that a new SUSA poll showed Mongiardo’s 17 point lead had vanished and the race was now tied, Kimball offered up this gem:
“While I am sure the Conway camp will go into full spin cycle trying desperately to suggest they have momentum, the fact is, over the last 30 days, Jack Conway’s campaign has stalled”
Nate Hodson on Grayson’s collapse in the polls- “The automated interviewing technology they use is problematic and inaccurate compared to traditional polls conducted by live professional interviewers. Our own polling shows the race a dead heat. We are out-raising them and out-working them.” It sounded so plausible!
Rand cancels MTP due to “exhaustion”- “Exhaustion” meaning Mitch McConnell told him to STFU until he could learn how to stop sounding like a lunatic on national TV.
Doug Martin resigns from investigative committee-The Southside Screamer is a man of great personal ethics, and he would never involve himself in something where he was not politically independent. Cough.
Bromanager’s unhinged email calls Gray names- Don’t you love it at the end of campaigns when a candidate realizes he’s about to lose and totally flips out like a kid throwing a temper tantrum? Newberry ended the campaign with the dignity and class that we’ll always remember him for.
Newberry’s faux outrage against KAWC rate increase-Newberry is shocked, SHOCKED that there is gambling going on here!
Jesse Benton on Rand changing 20 policy positions- “The bottom line is, Rand’s positions have not changed. His gives the same speeches and holds the same platform now that he did in the primary”. Good thing for them that a lot of Kentuckians are cool with “Rand’s Law”.
Winner:
Kim Geveden calls Conway a “serial minibar abuser”- In response to Conway hitting Lt. Dan on creme brule:
Geveden said Conway’s ad is “hypocrisy of silver spoon proportions…Conway is a serial mini-bar abuser—wasting taxpayer dollars on overpriced drinks when all he has to do is walk down the hallway and get a Coke from the vending machine”
That will never stop being funny. Thank you for being you, Kimball.
MOST HUMILIATING REPRESENTATION OF KY
Runner ups:
Ark Encounter press conference- Will there be dinosaurs on the Ark? Yes. Yes, there will be dinosaurs on the Ark. And a generation of national mocking for Kentucky.
UK-Duke primary nonsense- The campaigns of Dan Mongiardo and Trey Grayson decided to gravely insult the intelligence of Kentuckians by proclaiming in campaign ads and releases that their opponent went to Duke. While people around the country laughed at this idiocy, at least they both suffered humiliating losses.
Julian Carroll flips out- Seriously, why is this man not in a home yet?
Mica Sims- It wouldn’t be as bad if Lexington’s local Pizzabagger only spouted idiotic and racistconspiracy theories here at home, with fools like Andy Barr touting her endorsement. But 2010 brought another year of national publications quoting her racist and idioticgarbage, giving the world another chance to laugh at those morons in Kentucky.
Jim Newberry denies Haiti- After the horrific Haitian earthquake, America stepped up to the plate by sending money, volunteers and rescue workers. Every city with a rescue task force trained by FEMA sent theirs… except for Lexington, as Jim Newberry denied their request. Classy move, Jim.
Jim Bunning- As Senator Bunning was single-handedly ruining the lives of millions of people by blocking unemployment benefits, he took a moment from his speech to remind people that he too was suffering. He was missing a UK basketball game. Grandpa Simpson then proceeded to yell at reporters and flip one the bird. You’ll be missed, Jim. By people that enjoy a good laugh at the expense of Kentucky, not by us.
Williams/Farmer logo basketball- Yes, we get it. Your running mate used to throw the bouncy ball into the basket. But you’re not running for sophomore class president, so could you at least try to insult us a little less obviously? Thanks.
Winner:
Rachel Maddow appearance doesn’t kill Rand’s candidacy- What happens to a political candidate when he repeatedly trashes the Civil Rights Act and refuses to say he would have voted for it for 18 minutes on national TV? Does he drop 20 points? Does he drop out of the race? In Kentucky, he doesn’t fall in the polls and wins easily. I’d say that this speaks volumes about Kentucky and how much further we need to come as a people, but then I remember that Ben Chandler told us that racism doesn’t exist anymore.
BEST MOMENT
Runners up:
CentrePointe snowball fight- It’s like Winter Kickball, and Dudley Webb says get off my private gated lawn community you snooping kids!
Rachel Maddow skewers Rand Paul- This is what happens when you try to bullshit a genius and she doesn’t let you off the hook for 18 minutes. Captivating television.
Don’t Ask Don’t Tell repealed- America joins the rest of the civilized world.
KFTC wins battle vs. King Coal- Great news on the Clark County coal plant, but perhaps also a sign of the coming apocalypse?
John Yarmuth’s victory speech- Not only did Congressman Awesome easily beat nutjob Todd Lally, he gave every Democrat in the state and the country a righteous lecture in how to grow a damned spine.
Winner:
Jim Gray beats Jim Newberry- This made all of the other horrible news from election night quite bearable, as at least Lexington was getting the fresh start it deserved. And schadenfreude always tastes sweet.
BEST SCHADENFREUDE MOMENT
Runners up:
Crème brule karma for Lt. Dan- Mongiardo spokesperson Kim Geveden went up to every person at Fancy Farm in 2009 and handed them a plastic silver spoon, saying “city folk eat their caviar with a silver spoon, but real Kentuckians eat their BBQ with a fork!”. When Lt. Dan caught heat for spending state money on extravagant travel and food (including this fancy FRENCH dessert), I enjoyed every last second of it.
Mayor Newberry booed at Spotlight Lexington opener- Poor guy. It least that wasn’t as bad as getting blown out by Jim Gray a few weeks later.
Rick Pitino- I almost felt sorry for him this year. But after about 15 seconds I changed my mind.
Winner:
Bar None dies/Pizzabagger sued by everyone- Don’t you love it when hypocritical, race-baiting, gay-baiting and genuinely horrible human beings like Mica Sims preach to everyone about spending within our limits and fiscal conservatism, yet don’t bother paying any of their bills (as grifters seldom do) and get sued by everyone in the city of Lexington? I know you do.
BEST/BIGGEST LIE
Runner ups:
Jim Newberry- Mr. Mayor tried his best to keep Crit Luallen out of Bluegrass Airport’s business. And long after Crit exposed the criminal behavior within, he tired to tell voters that he’s always been at war with Eurasia.
“That’s just simply not true. I did not oppose your request to have the auditor come. In fact, I sent you letter on Dec. 4 that is a matter of record, copied to Council, that I had no objection to have the auditor or any other third party come in for assessment.”
Dan Mongiardo- After coming out firmly against the health care reform bill and facing criticism from Jack Conway, Lt. Dan decided to just back onto the other side of the fence and pretend he didn’t:
“Over the past week, Jack Conway has repeatedly lied about Daniel’s support for healthcare reform. Today we are asking you to stand with us to tell Jack Conway to stop lying about Dr. Dan’s position on healthcare”
Rand Paul- Rand Paul spoke at an open carry rally with a militia that carried assault rifles with his campaign stickers on them, advocated violent civil war, and called for the execution of liberal journalists. When asked by the Courier Journal why he would associate with such people, he said:
“I didn’t actually see anyone with assault rifles… there might have been, I just didn’t see any.”
Ahem:
Rand Paul- There are too many examples of “Rand’s Law” to properly fit into this small space. But suffice it to say, Rand Paul has never supported a $2000 Medicare deductible, never spoken out against the Civil Rights Act, never spoken out against the Americans with Disabilities Act, never supported a national sales tax, and never supported a lot of other things. And if you dare to suggest otherwise, you are a liar, and most likely a statist who want to steal his Liberty.
“Sonka is not telling the truth. His description of our conversation is grossly exaggerated and offensive… We had a direct conversation. But it’s not possible to reconstruct any conversation with # of cuss words Sonka says. Offensive.”
Mitch McConnell- Our honorable senator expressed shock and outrage over a RNC email that had the nerve to “stoke fear and negative feelings towards President Barack Obama and other Democrats”.
Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell of Kentucky says he doesn’t understand why anyone thought such an appeal would help the GOP… “I don’t like it and I don’t know anybody who does.”
Winner:
Mitch McConnell- “We’ll work with the (Obama) administration when they agree with the people, and confront them when they don’t.” Uh huh.
BEST CONSPIRACY THEORY
Runners up:
The NAFTA superhighway- A video surfaced of Rand Paul warning America that the globalists are making a giant highway stretching from Mexico to Canada, which will make it easier for brown people to steal our golden Ameros.
Lexington Police murder/prostitution ring- Christopher Hignite and Skip Horine used their candidacies for council and mayor to expose a web of lies involving murder, hookers and strippers that stretches from the police department to the 12th floor of city hall. Unless you don’t trust people wearing giant bunny costumes.
Bilderberg Group/NWO plotting to destroy the Pauls and Alex Jones- Alex has seen their enemy wall, which means that these three WMLP’s are the only ones left that can save humanity from genocide and enslavement.
Government microchip implants- Rand, Ron and Rep. Walter Blevins Jr. are protecting us from involuntary government microchip implants, which will likely raise all kind of hell with Satan once the Rapture comes.
National Democrats infiltrated the Paul campaign- David Adams likes conspiracy theories.
Rachel Maddow Facebook stalked David Adams- As I said, David Adams likes conspiracy theories.
Obama plotting to make Boy scouts illegal- One more time: David Adamsreally likes conspiracy theories.
Beshear plotting to “bust up” the Tea Party- There’s no amount of tinfoil that will keep you safe from us, Teabaggers.
The Curbstomper was a Democratic plant- Tim Profitt’s year and a half long effort to infiltrate Rand’s campaign, become his county coordinator, and then stomp on the head of a woman worked to perfection. Alex Jones saw through their devious plot, though.
Washington is trying to make your daughter a lesbian- And Rand Paul is on to their fiendish homosexual agenda to recruit your children into The Gay.
Lexington police framed Ryan Quarles- Can’t a dude play parking lot slalom a few sips shy of the legal limit without becoming a political prisoner anymore?
Leprechaun at CentrePointe- OK, so I was wrong. Fortunately. But I still have my eye on Dudley.
Winner:
The Secret Manila Folder to destroy Rand Paul- Liberty Christ says that mysterious media people with mysterious folders full of mysterious information are out to destroy him. How dare I suggest he has a martyr complex.
BEST BLOGGER INDUCED WHINING/FIT OF RAGE
Runners up:
Jim Newberry- The very thought of me being on a debate panel sent the Mayor onto his fainting couch, as he complained all the way up to the Dean at UK to have me removed. That didn’t stop him from pretending to be a fearless advocate of free speech, though.
John Collins- Jack Conway’s communications director decided to curse me out threaten to take me off of the press list (which they did, for the 2nd time during the campaign), because I dared to have a bag of equipment on a press riser at the Clinton event, just like all other media did. Funny how I faced more petty BS from the Conway campaign than the campaigns of Mongiardo, Newberry, and Paul combined.
Shaye Rabold- At Jim Newberry’s State of the Merged Government Address, his Chief of Staff Shaye Rabold decided to passive aggressively tweet at me even though she was sitting next to me. Fair enough, but then she got event staff to hand me a note calling me a liar for publishing information that morning on the costs of the address. Information that directly quoted that same person handing me the note. Lord.
Winner:
Doug Martin- The “direct conversation” heard around Lexington. After making an ass of himself in front of his colleagues in the 5th floor conference room, Doug stormed out of the room to go back to his computer and read what I was tweeting about him (he’s a vain man). The rest (and 15 F-bombs) is history.
ACHIEVEMENT IN STALINIST PURGING
Runners up:
Newberry’s backdated memo- The LFUCG Law Dept. went in full damage control once it became obvious that Newberry’s re-election campaign was being run out of the 12th floor.
Rand Paul scrubs his events calendar- After the primary, Mitch McConnell not only told Rand Paul to shut his mouth and stay in hiding, he told him to scrap the campaign’s events calendar so the press couldn’t find him. Rand dutifully complied.
Rand Paul scrubs Medicare ad- Jack Conway was a big “liar” and Rand Paul “never” supported Medicare deductibles, until Rand got caught lying and quietly changed that to “distorts” and “doesn’t”. Rand got caught, like he did many times, but apparently voters don’t mind liars anymore.
Paul campaign tries to purge me from 2 press conferences- Freedom of the press is an affront to Liberty!
Winner:
Rand Paul scrubs his Bailout Pledge references- Rand Paul thought that Kentucky should not elect someone who would stoop so low as to take money from Senators who voted for the bank bailout. Until Rand decided to do so himself, at which point all of the rage against Trey Grayson and the Bailout Senators mysteriously vanished from his website.
BEST FAKE POLL
Runners up:
Some Dude Named Bill Johnson beating Rand Paul- Based on Johnson’s internals, this election was his to win. A shame he dropped out.
R2K Lexington Mayoral poll- Teresa Isaac is considered a God among Republicans in Lexington, dontcha know? Shocking that R2K collapsed in a fraud scandal after this, isn’t it?
Lexington realtors poll- Oddly enough, once Newberry’s people got word that the new Herald Leader poll showed Gray beating him shortly before election day, his buddies at the Lexington-Bluegrass Area Realtors rushed out a ridiculous poll showing him up 16 points. Their numbers in the Council at-Large race were even worse, as they had Chuck Ellinger stomping vice mayor to-be Linda Gorton.
Ben Chandler’s internals- He was supposedly up 20 a month before the election, and up 15 days before he wound up winning by 600 votes. Don’t think so.
Winner:
Trey Grayson is tied!- In the face of poll after poll showing Rand Paul up anywhere from 12 to 18 points in the last month of the primary campaign, Grayson pollster Jan van Lohuizen sent out a string of ridiculous fake polls showing the race in a virtual tie. Rand won 59% of the vote, and the wolf ate Trey.
BEST COMEBACK
Runners up:
Sylvia Lovely- Thought she was done after KLC exploded in scandal? Think again! She’s now back on the PR circuit, saying that her real mistake was not defending herself rigorously enough, because she didn’t do anything wrong. We’re not taxpayers, we’re citizens!
Rand Paul returns to Alex Jones- You just can’t keep great minds like this apart.
SHE WON'T GO!
RE-ELECT BESHEAR: C’mon. That was no campaign either. Celebrating it as a triumphant victory is like Terrence Jones thumping his chest and posing after repeatedly dunking over overmatched Transylvania in an exhibition game. Like his 2007 race, Beshear’s only job was to say little and promise less. Did he win? Yes. Did he take advantage of the opportunity? No.
Democratic Party Precinct Elections
MARCH 31st
