Jesus is Magic

Rand Paul comes out for 10% flat tax. America laughs.

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April 15, 2011
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Yet another idea from Rand Paul that everyone will ignore.


Exactly. Cut everybody’s tax rate to 10%, and we’re filled with prosperity and jobs and a fully funded, functional government.

It’s kind of like this, on so many levels:

START, Jim DeMint, and Aqua Buddha

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December 17, 2010
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Jake has a nice thought, but there’s no chance in hell that Rand Paul would ever do that.

Rand Paul has a lot of ground to make up, but I think it’s quite possible that he could rival Mitch McConnell for biggest hypocrite in the Senate within a couple of years. He just has that natural kind of ability that you can’t coach. Major upside.

Conway drops the Aqua Buddha hammer on Rand Paul in new TV ad

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October 16, 2010
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Oh dear:

I thought the lack of water bong noises throughout the ad was tasteful, if not overly kind.

Well, I guess we’ll see what the good Christian folk of Kentucky think about the Aquatic Deity. I’m guessing Tweety rips Jack a new one on Monday, but Tweety doesn’t vote here, and MSNBC watchers are voting for Jack anyway.

(FYI, this is why Godless rabble like me could never run for office, and no, it’s not fair. But ain’t that America…)

WaPo verifies the Real Ultimate Power of Aqua Buddha

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August 12, 2010
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Greg Sargent at the Washington Post caught up with the co-ed from Baylor that alleged Rand Paul tried to convert her to Aqua Buddha. And I’m happy to report that she confirmed GQ’s reporting, and that Aqua Buddha is real, real, real.

“[They] came over to my house as friends that I knew,” she told me. “They immediately said, `We’re going to tie you up and go for a ride.’”

She reiterated that they took her to a room filled with pot smoke and told her to partake, but she emphasized that she hadn’t been forced. “He did not drug me,” she said. “He did not force me physically in any way.”

She said they then “took me out to this creek and made me worship Aqua Buddha.” And she added that the whole thing was so “weird” that afterwards she ended relations with Paul and his friends.

However, Rand Paul continues to give her story (and Aqua Buddha Himself) a non-denial denial:

“It is satisfying to see the libelous and grossly irresponsible charges of kidnapping completely shot down,” Paul campaign spokesman Jesse Benton emailed. “It remains puzzling to us why the drive-by media continues to focus on an alleged 30 year old teenage prank when our nation faces high unemployment, a thirteen trillion dollar debt and are threatened with a Cap and Trade national energy tax.”

Paul has also tried to discount the woman’s claims as coming from “one anonymous source.”

You see what Randy did right there? He praised the anonymous source for shooting down “charges of kidnapping” (which GQ never made), then turns around and discounts her as “anonymous” and “alleged”. Which is it Rand? Did she just exonerate you, or is this someone just making stuff up?

For your answer, I suggest you consult the wisdom of Aqua Buddha, no doubt.

Also, the KDP has some (rapid?!?) questions for him:

* Does Rand Paul deny being a member of the organization the NoZe Brotherhood while a student at Baylor University? UNANSWERED BY RAND PAUL

* Did the NoZe Brotherhood actively promote blasphemy at Baylor University as his classmate has claimed? UNANSWERED BY RAND PAUL

* Does Rand Paul deny binding and blindfolding a young woman in college? UNANSWERED BY RAND PAUL

* Does Rand Paul deny pushing the young woman to take illegal drugs? UNANSWERED BY RAND PAUL

* Does Paul deny forcing a young woman attending a Baptist College to worship to the “Aqua Buddha?” UNANSWERED BY RAND PAUL

* What is Rand Paul’s reaction to the young woman’s claim that his actions were “sadistic?” UNANSWERED BY RAND PAUL

* Is Rand Paul willing to state that he believes his former classmate is lying about this incident? UNANSWERED BY RAND PAUL

* Does Paul have any other activity in his background that could affect his ability to be a moral leader in the United States Senate? UNANSWERED BY RAND PAUL

* Does this incident relate to Paul’s early departure from Baylor University? UNANSWERED BY RAND PAUL

The funny thing is, if he answered a few of those questions honestly I’d like him more, as it’s well known that I’m a big fan of blasphemy, and such. And the only one that I personally care about at the moment (being an Aqua Buddha fan) is “Is Rand Paul willing to state that he believes his former classmate is lying about this incident?”, which he now seems to be swaying back and forth on. Nevertheless, if Paul expects people to stop asking those other questions, he’s in for a letdown.

In closing, BOW DOWN AND PRAISE HIM.

Somebody up there doesn’t like you

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June 15, 2010
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Here’s the famous “Touchdown Jesus” off I75 north of Cincinnati that we’ve all seen a million times, as it looked yesterday afternoon.

And here it is after being struck by “lightning” (aka Allah) last night:

Allah’s not half-steppin’ anymore. Pick up your game, JC.

This is what Jesus thinks of your friggin "Holiday Tree"

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December 9, 2009
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November in Tennessee, the secular progressives assaulted Jeebus:

NASHVILLE, Tenn — Just after 9 a.m. Monday, the state’s official holiday tree was placed in front of the state Capitol. This year’s tree is a 50-foot spruce that came from a home at Harding Place and Franklin Road in Oak Hill.

Today, Jeebus went Rambo on them:

The Christmas tree at the state Capitol will be replaced after being toppled by high winds overnight.

The blue spruce, which had stood on Charlotte Street between the Capitol and Legislative Plaza, fell sometime before 4 a.m., snapping off the top, said Kenny Crowson, facilities supervisor at the Capitol. The tree fell to the sidewalk, damaging some lights and ornaments, but no one is believed to have been injured.

Capitol staffers are now looking for a replacement for the tree, which had been donated to the state, Crowson said.

Vandalism is not suspected.

Yes, vandalism is not suspected, because nobody calls the jesus a vandal unless they wanna get snapped, too.

Did God teabag America?

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November 4, 2009
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Rand Paul’s campaign manager sez so:

Now is the time to fight back harder than ever to restore America to our God-given greatness and that’s why Rand Paul’s platform of balanced federal budgets and freedom, capitalism, and real job creation is catching on.

Meanwhile, the Grayson crowd keeps up with the “kooky” theme:

On the way out, one fellow fervently waving a Ron Paul sign could be heard mumbling something about black helicopters and the Kennedy assassination.

Oh, don’t forget about the ACORN census workers herding us into those FEMA concentration camps, either.

Meanwhile, Mitch McConnell is afraid to step foot in this state, because he’s a damned dirty librul soshalist. And the NRSC is, too.

Stock up on popcorn, Kentucky.

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