OK, enough of the damn bickering, Kentucky Democrats/Lefties/Indies. Do you know what time it is today?
It’s time to DITCH MITCH.
And let’s take a look at the pathetic little fundraising letter that our soon to be ditched Senator Mitch McConnell sent out today in response to his new challenger:
Last night, the Democrat plan for Kentucky unfolded on TV screens in Paducah, Louisville, and Lexington.
A plan to end this disastrous war, bring Universal health care, and a sensible economic/fiscal policy. Yes, I’m sure they were quite happy to hear this plan, just like the rest of the country.
While most of America was focused on the Democrat battle for the presidential nomination, Kentuckians had another reason to watch — the “coronation” of a millionaire by Chuck Schumer, the national Democrat Senate Committee, their friends in Big Labor and radicals like MoveOn.
Millionaires are bad? Wow, you must really hate yourself, Mitch. And you must really really hate your bazillionaire wife and her family back home. And aren’t out of state millionaires the only people that donate to your campaign??? Gosh, ya got me scratching my head, Mitchie.
And Labor is bad? Really? I mean, I know that you hate the working class getting paid what they deserve, or protecting them with safety standards like your wife, but do you really want to be that honest in an open letter? People are going to read this crap.
And MoveOn likes Bruce Lunsford??? That’s news to me. I know plenty of MoveOn staff and members, and I’ve never met one that likes Bruce Lunsford. They think he’s kind of a tool, honestly. A million times better than you, sure, but it’s not like they lifted a finger for Bruce. But keep calling us “radicals”…. that gets me so hot and bothered.
If there ever was a time to help me continue to fight for Kentucky, it’s right now.
Typo. “If there ever was a time to help me continue to fight for Kentucky, it’s right now.” Simple mistake, no problem.

Please make a special gift of $25 or more to help me launch my re-election campaign in earnest today.
Until now I have remained reserved about my campaign plans. But last night’s events changed everything.
You see, the National Democrat Party isn’t interested in listening to Kentuckians. They want their hand-picked millionaire to outspend me and “buy” as many votes as possible, just as he did in the primary where he spent nearly $2,000,000 from his own pocket.
Oh, man. I can’t wait to see you present yourself as the poor working class hero of Kentucky. Endless comedy.
Here are the facts:
I love when you use that word.
1. Washington insiders pushed several potential challengers out of the race. Rather than pick someone on the merits, they dug up a candidate who could “self-fund” or write a personal check to go up against me.
First sentence false, only one. Second sentence… actually true. Satan has goose-bumps.
2. Liberal groups like MoveOn, Big Labor, and bitterly partisan national blogs have been running an unofficial campaign against me since 2006. They have had their eyes on my Senate seat since the last election.
Another true sentence! And once more, I’m thrilled that you publicly acknowledge how much we’ve been kicking your ass in the blogosphere. It takes a big man to admit that. And yes, we are bitter (we kind of get mad when people like you and Bush destroy our country/government). And partisan, too (Anyone But Mitch, baby). And yes, we can’t take our eyes off your seat.
Any more of this “truth” stuff and Lucifer will look like Han Solo in Carbon Freeze…
3. Throughout the entire campaign, these same liberals have engaged in tasteless and truly unconscionable personal attacks on me. I’m eager to have a civilized debate about the issues — but name-calling and insults don’t help Kentucky voters make a decision.
I know! Our attacks are so personal that it’s almost like you’re a 12-year old kid or a mother who dares ask you a question, isn’t it? Or the family of a mine worker or soldier in Iraq? Sorry about that.
And names… let’s see: corrupt, heartless, lipless, fancy, soulless, bought, liar, selfish, despicable, Senator Beaker, Howdy Doody, Senator McPorkerson…. I’m sure there are more, help me out in the comments.
The truth is I’m proud of the work I’ve done for Kentucky, and proud to represent Kentuckians in Washington.
And by “Kentucky/Kentuckians”, you of course mean Hunter Bates, criminal foreign arms contractors and the lobbyists you repay with pork, millionaire horse owners (even Bruce, how sporty of you!), and every out of state oil/insurance/big pHarma lobbyist group stuffing your campaign coffers so they can screw over “the people” of Kentucky (like the rabble really matter…).
But the left wing of the Democrat party wants it the other way around. In other words, they want to ram a Washington-style liberal down the throats of Kentucky voters!
(biting tongue biting tongue biting tongue biting tongue …… )
Well, I’m not going to let them get away with it. And that’s why I need your help.
Please join me in battling the left-wing Washington liberals this November by making a secure online contribution right now.
“Left-wing Washington liberals”? Bruce isn’t from Washington. And he sure as hell isn’t liberal (unfortunately). And Matt, Jake, Jim, Terri, Shawn, William, Yellow Dog, Ralph, the Bens and I are all from Kentucky. In fact, YOU are the one who has been in Washington for the past 24 years screwing over Kentuckians, Mitch. When is that last time you’ve set foot in this state when it wasn’t for a fundraiser or to shoot a commercial? If I were you, I’d keep the word “Washington” as far from your lips as humanly possible.
Oops, forgot about the lips.
My opponent has literally millions of dollars in his bank account he can spend at a moment’s notice. He has already spent nearly $17 million of his own money running for office.
But he doesn’t have true grassroots support that can only come from friends like you. I know you believe in our shared vision of having a strong leader representing Kentucky’s interests in the Senate. And that’s why I hope you will help right now.
(See “Kentucky/Kentuckians” above. Same definition applies to “friends”)
Please visit my donation page to make a special gift of $25, $50, $100 or more right now. I’m not exaggerating when I say every single person counts in this effort.
Thanks again for your continued support of my campaign. Together, I know we can win for the people of Kentucky.
Your friend,
Mitch McConnell
Senate Republican Leader
That’s Minority Leader.
P.S. Last night gave us a preview into the national Democrat plan for Kentucky. I think our Senator should represent the people of Kentucky to Washington — not the other way around. Please make your secure online contribution of $25, $50, $100, or more right now to help me continue to fight for you. Thanks in advance for your help.
P.S. Didn’t you say that 3 sentences ago? That seems like a waste of a P.S., doesn’t it? They don’t grow on trees, like the free government health insurance you’ve received for the past 24 years.
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Anyway, I think we all need to realize that this is the choice we face:
Do we want six more years of Mitch McConnell “representing” us in Washington?
or
Do you want to unite with everyone who opposes what Mitch McConnell represents, and send him packing for an early retirement?
United we Stand, Divided we Fall.
