SHE WON'T GO!
In Whitesburg, Kentucky, when I was growing up, there was a bumper sticker attached to a lamppost. It said, “Foodstamps or a New Car? Gatewood For Governor.” When I first saw it I was eight years old, and I didn’t understand it. All I could think was, “He talks like Mom after she’s been eating her adult brownies.”
I’m now 32, totally clean and sober (If you don’t count booze. So not “totally” clean and sober. Nor sober). Gatewood still talks like my mom and makes no sense whatsoever. And come Tuesday, I’m voting for the crazy bastard.
Let me say upfront, I don’t like Libertarians. I think Libertarianism is the bratty, self-obsessed off-spring of the “Don’t Judge Me” Hippies and the “Stay Outta My Way” Yuppies. But just because someone is obnoxious and in love with themselves doesn’t mean they’re wrong. That they’re wrong means they’re wrong, and Gatewood frequently comes down on the wrong side of the Lord. So he’s not everything I want my Governor to be—but on the issues that matter, the issues that the Governor of Kentucky can effect, he is far and away the best candidate. If you are a liberal like me, a moderate Democrat, or even a Republican with a functioning sense of shame, you’re crazy to vote for anyone else.
Why? I’ll tell you why.
Let’s start off where Gatewood and the Libertarians are right. Drug laws in this country are ridiculous and cause real harm. I’m not just speaking as someone who doesn’t want his mother arrested, I’m speaking as a freedom loving American. (Little known fact: The phrase “freedom loving American” can occasionally refer to someone born in America who values freedom, and not some screeching yahoo with teabags dangling from his ears who believes Sesame Street advocates socialism).
Moreover, this is something that a governor can actually have a real impact on. Have you looked at California or Colorado recently? (Maybe it’s the subject matter, but it’s making everything I say sound like stoner talk: Have you ever really looked at Colorado? Like really looked at it? It’s like this big box, man”). My point is in America now, states have some flexibility in their drug laws. Even if you disagree about the morality of drug laws, at least let the cash persuade you. Kentucky grows pot, but we’re not making a profit off it. This is something tangible that a governor can do.
But too often the pot issue derails the conversation. What you think of Gatewood is probably very close to what you think about pot. That’s fine when you just think of him as an antic candidate with one big issue. But to me, it’s his willingness to stand up to big coal, and come out against Mountaintop Removal that solidified my vote.
First of all, it’s politically courageous to take on the coal industry in Kentucky. Sure, you could say it’s easy to be courageous when you don’t have any political capitol to risk. Maybe so, but I’m a Kentucky Democrat, I have to grasp at whatever politically courageous straws I can.
No one in Kentucky politics—no one—has stood up to the coal industry. Well technically, Steve Beshear stood up and went to get them a cup of coffee while they wrote his energy policy for him. Governor Beshear sees Eastern Kentucky as nothing but a gigantic ATV course. To paraphrase the old joke: He is so far up the coal company’s ass, he’s about to turn into a diamond. He’s suing the EPA. I’m going to say this again because it sounds vaguely important: He’s suing the motherfucking EPA.
And for what? To protect a dying industry that never created any wealth for the area when it was thriving? Eastern Kentucky, which has long relied on coal, is the poorest congressional district in the entire country. The coal companies are moving to Wyoming, and they’re leaving the region in absolute shambles. Governor Beshear’s reaction? To sue the people who are trying to keep them from polluting the area?
I can not, can not, can not vote for Steve Beshear. He’s weak, and he has no ideas except to do the things that haven’t worked and do them faster and harder. And he has flat out declared himself an enemy of mountains and the environment.
So why not David Williams? Please. My problem with Williams isn’t that he is a Republican, but that he has bad ideas, no imagination, and thinks standing in the way of any and all ideas is a campaign slogan. Which is another way of saying he’s a Republican.
But come on: given what David Williams has said about Hindus, how can you expect anyone to vote for him? Seriously, anyone? It’s given that we at least pretend to hide our racism, to use a code word or two. But Williams can’t do that.
I know that the number of Republicans who read Barefoot and Progressive is somewhat equivalent to Hindu voters in Kentucky, but let me still make this plea. Don’t vote for David Williams. If you do vote for someone who is so openly discriminatory, then you lose any right to complain about racism, about Jim Crow, about any religious prejudice.
So that’s what I like about Gatewood. He’ll fight for our mountains, he’ll fight against the ridiculous drug laws, and he’s neither Steve Beshear nor David Williams. What don’t I like about him? As I mentioned before, I don’t like libertarianism in general. More specifically?
Gatewood Galbraith is against gun control. This seems like a no-brainer to me. More guns means more crime; fewer guns means less crime. Guess how many guns I have? I’m uncoordinated and I drink. If I tried sticking one gun in my pocket, I’d lose one testicle. If I tried sticking two guns in my pockets, I’d be dead. Guns are bad, testicles are good, Gatewood’s wrong on this issue. That being said, is Beshear doing anything about this? Is Williams? This isn’t an issue that’s going to sway my vote.
Abortion? I’ve heard some leftists say no matter what else he thinks, they won’t vote for Gatewood because of his stance on abortion. I’m pro-choice, but I think this is a far muddier issue than either side is willing to admit. But more than that—and I feel this very critical—it doesn’t matter.
No state can overturn Roe vs. Wade. No governor will ever outlaw abortion. It’s decided in the Supreme Court. It would be similar if I said that Gatewood and the libertarians are suited to run this state because they are against war. The Governor of Kentucky isn’t going to decide whether we go to war. Granted there are restrictions that can be put in, but is that enough to pull the lever for a pro-choice candidate that does active harm to the state?
Let me reiterate: Governor Beshear is not neutral about mountains and Eastern Kentucky. He is an enemy of mountains and Eastern Kentucky. How much are you willing to sacrifice for a governor who gives meaningless lip service to being pro-choice?
Political realities are what they are. I know that on Tuesday Governor Beshear is going to be standing in the winner’s circle. But what would happen if Gatewood was second? Would we see it as a referendum on what a joke David Williams is? Or how Kentuckians saw right through Williams’ racist attempts to scare voters? Or that we’re a bunch of mountain-loving stoners? I’ll take any of that over what we have now.
Kentucky is at its best when it’s at its weirdest. What sort of Kentucky do we want to live in? If we vote for Gatewood, we’re living in Hunter S Thompson’s Kentucky, in Ed McClahahan and the Merry Prankster’s Kentucky. If we vote for Steve Beshear, then we’re living in Steve Beshear’s Kentucky—the land of cowardly Democrats and racist Republicans.
Between a pussy, a bigot, and a wild man, I’ll take the wild man every time. If you can’t get past the fact that Gatewood personally doesn’t approve of abortion, then I have to question whether you are genuinely pro-choice.
As for me, I’ve made my choice—I’ll take food stamps, a new car, and Gatewood for governor.
KentuckyElection.org
BONNIE PRINCE BILLY
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Right on, Brother! I’ll take Captain Kentucky’s(Ed’s) Commonwealth any day. Stop the MTR Cancer death in Appalachia! Vote Gatewood!!
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Good post. I’ll probably leave the guv’nor’s line blank, or write-in a name. No way in hell I’m voting for Beshear. I wouldn’t even vote for him if he was in danger of losing to Williams, and that is saying a lot. Some shit you just can’t stand for, and that shit is named Steve Beshear.
On the abortion issue, I’d just like to point out that actually, state governors and state legislatures can do quite a whole lot to roll back women’s reproductive freedoms. See, eg, a whole bunch of states right now which are enacting some really terrible and scary laws because of rabid Republican legislatures and governors. Since we are in a pretty bad recession, you’d think they’d spend more time trying to create jobs than criminalize pregnant women, but that’s the GOP for you.
Gatewood’s anti-choice stance seems more like a personal belief, one I disagree with, but not something he would zealously translate into law, like most Republicans. And with the Democrats controlling at least the KY house, it’s unlikely Gatewood even could put abortion at the top of his agenda, politically speaking. So, I’d agree that Gatewood’s position against choice shouldn’t be a deal breaker. Then again, I don’t have a uterus.
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Ronnie, you are a very talented and witty writer and I like the fact you bring up Hunter Thompson (one thing we can say about Ky is our characters)but you might not have known this fact; when I campaigned for Congress last year, I was a staunch opponent of MTR when it wasn’t cool to be taking on coal. In fact, my local labor decided to pass up on helping our campaign because of my issues with the coal industry. Go figure, labor that wouldn’t help out a carpenter running for Congress? In fact one union boss threaten me by asking me if I watched the Sopranos’, to which I said no but was he saying thier group was like the Sopranos’ and he said no, but he was! Campaigning came be such a blast!
Keep up with your writing and you have a new fan.
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Sorry about typo’s but I was schooled in Ky.
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I’m writing in Pedro.
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Great post, Cottonpants. We need to hear from you on a regular basis.
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I say again … the greater the dislike of my comments the closer I am to accurately describing the reality of the Commonwealth and the problems white shirt liberals with soft hands and no guts exacerbate with their crawfishing.
Calloused hands will never dominate the Republican Party or republican’ts. Vote Democratic or grin with a moth full of excrement. Vote individually for each Democrat; he or she has earned that much respect. But then white shirted liberals are soooooooooooooooo used to telling us what to do they censor comments and regulate access.
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Food stamps = coal mine script , new car = perpetual debt . E. KY has been pushed to embrace both of these paths by their out of state slave, coal masters. Who’s side are you on? The brownshirt “Friends of Coal” or your own? Gatewood is out there but he’s a hell of a lot closer to reality than Ayn Rand Paul.
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Excuse me, but I have a great aversion to a candidate who attends Tea Party Rallies looking for votes.
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Ronnie, how is this any different than just not voting? I feel like the guilt of not casting a vote would be easier to bear than the guilt of knowing I voted for slut-shaming Gatewood. The bad clearly outweighs anything classified as ‘good’ for Gatewood. And libertarianism is, in my eyes, an abhorrent, selfish, and naive perspective on the world. I would rather cut off all of my toes than vote for a libertarian nut job. And that’s saying a lot, because I love flip-flop sandals.
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I don’t know what “slut shaming” means. If it is a euphemism for being pro-life then I guess I can’t follow your logic: you can disagree with me about when life begins and not want to shame sluts.
As I wrote, I don’t like Libertarianism. But I wouldn’t call Gatewood a “nut job.” (And there isn’t really a more substantive attack you lodged at him). To me, Beshear’s belief that we can sell our state to an industry that has done nothing for us so far is far nuttier.
In 2000, I was very much against Ralph Nader. The difference was that I thought Al Gore, despite his flaws, was a genuinely good man, a brilliant man, and would make an honest and thoughtful president. I also feared that George W Bush was going to be truly awful and his “compassionate conservative” schtick was nothing but a lie sold to middle America. If you can’t see the difference between that situation and this situation then I don’t know what to tell you.
This is what I mean: (From the very keystrokes of Mr. Joe Sonka)
“I ran into Gatewood Galbraith and had one heck of a conversation. The one thing about Gatewood that most of his supporters don’t know is that Mr. Freedom is actually anti-choice when it comes to abortion. I’ve cast a couple protest votes for Gatewood in my day and didn’t realize this until recently. I wanted to figure out just how anti-choice he is, so I went through the same series of question that I usually do with folks who protest abortion clinics and have rallies with giant pictures of aborted fetuses. When asked whether abortion should be legal or illegal, he strongly said illegal, except in cases of rape. I asked if he thought it was murder, and he again gave a strong yes. I asked, if the law was totally up to him, would these women be charged with this crime as murder, and he again said yes, it is the murder of a human being. I asked him if that would be pretty harsh, having the government lock you away for ending your pregnancy, and he further elaborated that if these women didn’t want a baby, they should have thought about that before they had sex, i.e., the old “sluts should pay the price” argument that we know and love so well here at B&P. I seriously wasn’t expecting this. At all.”
Fancy Farm Coverage 2009.
Gatewood has issues, brah. You can ignore it if you want, but I’d rather just not vote then cast one that suggests that I’m not okay with MTR, but I am okay with prohibiting abortions.
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