The 2010 Rooties!!! Our best and worst of the year in Kentucky (PART III)

It’s that time of year again, boys and girls! Its time to hand out the 2010 Rooties awards, acknowledging the best and worst of Kentucky politics in this quite foul year of our lord.

You’ve seen Parts 1 (People) and 2 (Sights/Sounds), now comes Part 3 of this epic Rooties saga, where we look at 2010′s best and worst moments and achievements. It’s so chock full of crazy and funny that we’re only going to give you half of it today, and saving the final installment for tomorrow morning.

Hey ho lets go:

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MOST HILARIOUS POLITICAL SPIN

Rand Paul’s “primary pledge”- Rand Paul repeatedly said that you should vote for him because he pledged not to take money from senators who voted for the bank bailout. Until he decided to take their money himself. You see, that pledge was only an unspoken “primary pledge“. Snort.

Jack Conway explains Aqua Buddha- “I”m not questioning his faith, I’m questioning his actions”. Suuuure you are.

Kim Geveden on Mongiardo’s collapse in the polls- Upon the news that a new SUSA poll showed Mongiardo’s 17 point lead had vanished and the race was now tied, Kimball offered up this gem:

“While I am sure the Conway camp will go into full spin cycle trying desperately to suggest they have momentum, the fact is, over the last 30 days, Jack Conway’s campaign has stalled”

Nate Hodson on Grayson’s collapse in the polls- “The automated interviewing technology they use is problematic and inaccurate compared to traditional polls conducted by live professional interviewers. Our own polling shows the race a dead heat. We are out-raising them and out-working them.” It sounded so plausible!

Rand cancels MTP due to “exhaustion”- “Exhaustion” meaning Mitch McConnell told him to STFU until he could learn how to stop sounding like a lunatic on national TV.

Doug Martin resigns from investigative committee-The Southside Screamer is a man of great personal ethics, and he would never involve himself in something where he was not politically independent. Cough.

Bromanager’s unhinged email calls Gray names- Don’t you love it at the end of campaigns when a candidate realizes he’s about to lose and totally flips out like a kid throwing a temper tantrum? Newberry ended the campaign with the dignity and class that we’ll always remember him for.

Newberry’s faux outrage against KAWC rate increase-Newberry is shocked, SHOCKED that there is gambling going on here!

Jesse Benton on Rand changing 20 policy positions- “The bottom line is, Rand’s positions have not changed. His gives the same speeches and holds the same platform now that he did in the primary”. Good thing for them that a lot of Kentuckians are cool with “Rand’s Law”.

Kim Geveden calls Conway a “serial minibar abuser”-  In response to Conway hitting Lt. Dan on creme brule:

Geveden said Conway’s ad is “hypocrisy of silver spoon proportions…Conway is a serial mini-bar abuser—wasting taxpayer dollars on overpriced drinks when all he has to do is walk down the hallway and get a Coke from the vending machine”

That will never stop being funny. Thank you for being you, Kimball.

MOST HUMILIATING REPRESENTATION OF KY

Ark Encounter press conference- Will there be dinosaurs on the Ark? Yes. Yes, there will be dinosaurs on the Ark. And a generation of national mocking for Kentucky.

UK-Duke primary nonsense- The campaigns of Dan Mongiardo and Trey Grayson decided to gravely insult the intelligence of Kentuckians by proclaiming in campaign ads and releases that their opponent went to Duke. While people around the country laughed at this idiocy, at least they both suffered humiliating losses.

Julian Carroll flips out- Seriously, why is this man not in a home yet?

Mica Sims- It wouldn’t be as bad if Lexington’s local Pizzabagger only spouted idiotic and racist conspiracy theories here at home, with fools like Andy Barr touting her endorsement. But 2010 brought another year of national publications quoting her racist and idiotic garbage, giving the world another chance to laugh at those morons in Kentucky.

Jim Newberry denies Haiti- After the horrific Haitian earthquake, America stepped up to the plate by sending money, volunteers and rescue workers. Every city with a rescue task force trained by FEMA sent theirs… except for Lexington, as Jim Newberry denied their request. Classy move, Jim.

Jim Bunning- As Senator Bunning was single-handedly ruining the lives of millions of people by blocking unemployment benefits, he took a moment from his speech to remind people that he too was suffering. He was missing a UK basketball game. Grandpa Simpson then proceeded to yell at reporters and flip one the bird. You’ll be missed, Jim. By people that enjoy a good laugh at the expense of Kentucky, not by us.

Williams/Farmer logo basketball- Yes, we get it. Your running mate used to throw the bouncy ball into the basket. But you’re not running for sophomore class president, so could you at least try to insult us a little less obviously? Thanks.

Rachel Maddow appearance doesn’t kill Rand’s candidacy- What happens to a political candidate when he repeatedly trashes the Civil Rights Act and refuses to say he would have voted for it for 18 minutes on national TV? Does he drop 20 points? Does he drop out of the race? In Kentucky, he doesn’t fall in the polls and wins easily. I’d say that this speaks volumes about Kentucky and how much further we need to come as a people, but then I remember that Ben Chandler told us that racism doesn’t exist anymore.

BEST MOMENT

CentrePointe snowball fight- It’s like Winter Kickball, and Dudley Webb says get off my private gated lawn community you snooping kids!

Rachel Maddow skewers Rand Paul- This is what happens when you try to bullshit a genius and she doesn’t let you off the hook for 18 minutes. Captivating television.

Don’t Ask Don’t Tell repealed- America joins the rest of the civilized world.

KFTC wins battle vs. King Coal- Great news on the Clark County coal plant, but perhaps also a sign of the coming apocalypse?

John Yarmuth’s victory speech- Not only did Congressman Awesome easily beat nutjob Todd Lally, he gave every Democrat in the state and the country a righteous lecture in how to grow a damned spine.

Jim Gray beats Jim Newberry- This made all of the other horrible news from election night quite bearable, as at least Lexington was getting the fresh start it deserved. And schadenfreude always tastes sweet.

BEST SCHADENFREUDE MOMENT

Crème brule karma for Lt. Dan- Mongiardo spokesperson Kim Geveden went up to every person at Fancy Farm in 2009 and handed them a plastic silver spoon, saying “city folk eat their caviar with a silver spoon, but real Kentuckians eat their BBQ with a fork!”. When Lt. Dan caught heat for spending state money on extravagant travel and food (including this fancy FRENCH dessert), I enjoyed every last second of it.

Mayor Newberry booed at Spotlight Lexington opener- Poor guy. It least that wasn’t as bad as getting blown out by Jim Gray a few weeks later.

Rick Pitino- I almost felt sorry for him this year. But after about 15 seconds I changed my mind.

Bar None dies/Pizzabagger sued by everyone- Don’t you love it when hypocritical, race-baiting, gay-baiting and genuinely horrible human beings like Mica Sims preach to everyone about spending within our limits and fiscal conservatism, yet don’t bother paying any of their bills (as grifters seldom do) and get sued by everyone in the city of Lexington? I know you do.

BEST/BIGGEST LIE

Jim Newberry- Mr. Mayor tried his best to keep Crit Luallen out of Bluegrass Airport’s business. And long after Crit exposed the criminal behavior within, he tired to tell voters that he’s always been at war with Eurasia.

“That’s just simply not true. I did not oppose your request to have the auditor come. In fact, I sent you letter on Dec. 4 that is a matter of record, copied to Council, that I had no objection to have the auditor or any other third party come in for assessment.”

Dan Mongiardo- After coming out firmly against the health care reform bill and facing criticism from Jack Conway, Lt. Dan decided to just back onto the other side of the fence and pretend he didn’t:

“Over the past week, Jack Conway has repeatedly lied about Daniel’s support for healthcare reform. Today we are asking you to stand with us to tell Jack Conway to stop lying about Dr. Dan’s position on healthcare”

Rand Paul- Rand Paul spoke at an open carry rally with a militia that carried assault rifles with his campaign stickers on them, advocated violent civil war, and called for the execution of liberal journalists. When asked by the Courier Journal why he would associate with such people, he said:

“I didn’t actually see anyone with assault rifles… there might have been, I just didn’t see any.”

Ahem:

Rand Paul- There are too many examples of “Rand’s Law” to properly fit into this small space. But suffice it to say, Rand Paul has never supported a $2000 Medicare deductible, never spoken out against the Civil Rights Act, never spoken out against the Americans with Disabilities Act, never supported a national sales tax, and never supported a lot of other things. And if you dare to suggest otherwise, you are a liar, and most likely a statist who want to steal his Liberty.

Doug Martin- The Southside Screamer didn’t curse. He simply had “a direct conversation“. Though Mel Gibson seems to have refudiated him.

“Sonka is not telling the truth. His description of our conversation is grossly exaggerated and offensive… We had a direct conversation. But it’s not possible to reconstruct any conversation with # of cuss words Sonka says. Offensive.”

Steve Beshear- On Ark Encounter’s “feasibility study”:

“We certainly have looked at the numbers”

Mitch McConnell- Our honorable senator expressed shock and outrage over a RNC email that had the nerve to “stoke fear and negative feelings towards President Barack Obama and other Democrats”.

Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell of Kentucky says he doesn’t understand why anyone thought such an appeal would help the GOP… “I don’t like it and I don’t know anybody who does.”

Mitch McConnell- “We’ll work with the (Obama) administration when they agree with the people, and confront them when they don’t.” Uh huh.

BEST CONSPIRACY THEORY

The NAFTA superhighway- A video surfaced of Rand Paul warning America that the globalists are making a giant highway stretching from Mexico to Canada, which will make it easier for brown people to steal our golden Ameros.

Lexington Police murder/prostitution ring- Christopher Hignite and Skip Horine used their candidacies for council and mayor to expose a web of lies involving murder, hookers and strippers that stretches from the police department to the 12th floor of city hall. Unless you don’t trust people wearing giant bunny costumes.

Bilderberg Group/NWO plotting to destroy the Pauls and Alex Jones- Alex has seen their enemy wall, which means that these three WMLP’s are the only ones left that can save humanity from genocide and enslavement.

Government microchip implants- Rand, Ron and Rep. Walter Blevins Jr. are protecting us from involuntary government microchip implants, which will likely raise all kind of hell with Satan once the Rapture comes.

National Democrats infiltrated the Paul campaign- David Adams likes conspiracy theories.

Rachel Maddow Facebook stalked David Adams- As I said, David Adams likes conspiracy theories.

Obama plotting to make Boy scouts illegal- One more time: David Adams really likes conspiracy theories.

Beshear plotting to “bust up” the Tea Party- There’s no amount of tinfoil that will keep you safe from us, Teabaggers.

The Curbstomper was a Democratic plant- Tim Profitt’s year and a half long effort to infiltrate Rand’s campaign, become his county coordinator, and then stomp on the head of a woman worked to perfection. Alex Jones saw through their devious plot, though.

Washington is trying to make your daughter a lesbian- And Rand Paul is on to their fiendish homosexual agenda to recruit your children into The Gay.

Lexington police framed Ryan Quarles- Can’t a dude play parking lot slalom a few sips shy of the legal limit without becoming a political prisoner anymore?

Leprechaun at CentrePointe- OK, so I was wrong. Fortunately. But I still have my eye on Dudley.

The Secret Manila Folder to destroy Rand Paul- Liberty Christ says that mysterious media people with mysterious folders full of mysterious information are out to destroy him. How dare I suggest he has a martyr complex.

BEST BLOGGER INDUCED WHINING/FIT OF RAGE

Jim Newberry- The very thought of me being on a debate panel sent the Mayor onto his fainting couch, as he complained all the way up to the Dean at UK to have me removed. That didn’t stop him from pretending to be a fearless advocate of free speech, though.

John Collins- Jack Conway’s communications director decided to curse me out threaten to take me off of the press list (which they did, for the 2nd time during the campaign), because I dared to have a bag of equipment on a press riser at the Clinton event, just like all other media did. Funny how I faced more petty BS from the Conway campaign than the campaigns of Mongiardo, Newberry, and Paul combined.

Shaye Rabold- At Jim Newberry’s State of the Merged Government Address, his Chief of Staff Shaye Rabold decided to passive aggressively tweet at me even though she was sitting next to me. Fair enough, but then she got event staff to hand me a note calling me a liar for publishing information that morning on the costs of the address. Information that directly quoted that same person handing me the note. Lord.

Doug Martin- The “direct conversation” heard around Lexington. After making an ass of himself in front of his colleagues in the 5th floor conference room, Doug stormed out of the room to go back to his computer and read what I was tweeting about him (he’s a vain man). The rest (and 15 F-bombs) is history.

ACHIEVEMENT IN STALINIST PURGING

Newberry’s backdated memo- The LFUCG Law Dept. went in full damage control once it became obvious that Newberry’s re-election campaign was being run out of the 12th floor.

Rand Paul scrubs his events calendar- After the primary, Mitch McConnell not only told Rand Paul to shut his mouth and stay in hiding, he told him to scrap the campaign’s events calendar so the press couldn’t find him. Rand dutifully complied.

Rand Paul scrubs Medicare ad- Jack Conway was a big “liar” and Rand Paul “never” supported Medicare deductibles, until Rand got caught lying and quietly changed that to “distorts” and “doesn’t”. Rand got caught, like he did many times, but apparently voters don’t mind liars anymore.

Paul campaign tries to purge me from 2 press conferences- Freedom of the press is an affront to Liberty!

Rand Paul scrubs his Bailout Pledge references- Rand Paul thought that Kentucky should not elect someone who would stoop so low as to take money from Senators who voted for the bank bailout. Until Rand decided to do so himself, at which point all of the rage against Trey Grayson and the Bailout Senators mysteriously vanished from his website.

BEST FAKE POLL

Some Dude Named Bill Johnson beating Rand Paul- Based on Johnson’s internals, this election was his to win. A shame he dropped out.

R2K Lexington Mayoral poll- Teresa Isaac is considered a God among Republicans in Lexington, dontcha know? Shocking that R2K collapsed in a fraud scandal after this, isn’t it?

Lexington realtors poll- Oddly enough, once Newberry’s people got word that the new Herald Leader poll showed Gray beating him shortly before election day, his buddies at the Lexington-Bluegrass Area Realtors rushed out a ridiculous poll showing him up 16 points. Their numbers in the Council at-Large race were even worse, as they had Chuck Ellinger stomping vice mayor to-be Linda Gorton.

Ben Chandler’s internals- He was supposedly up 20 a month before the election, and up 15 days before he wound up winning by 600 votes. Don’t think so.

Trey Grayson is tied!- In the face of poll after poll showing Rand Paul up anywhere from 12 to 18 points in the last month of the primary campaign, Grayson pollster Jan van Lohuizen sent out a string of ridiculous fake polls showing the race in a virtual tie. Rand won 59% of the vote, and the wolf ate Trey.

BEST COMEBACK

Runners up:

Sylvia Lovely- Thought she was done after KLC exploded in scandal? Think again! She’s now back on the PR circuit, saying that her real mistake was not defending herself rigorously enough, because she didn’t do anything wrong. We’re not taxpayers, we’re citizens!

Rand Paul returns to Alex Jones- You just can’t keep great minds like this apart.

CentrePointe- Dudley Webb isn’t giving up on his Magic Invisible Unicorn Tower, and neither should you, Lexington!

Winner:

Daniel Solzman- Jesus. Elvis. Jordan. Solzy. Our yearlong drought from Daniel Solzman finally ended, and we were given magic:

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That’s it for Part IIIa!

We’ll finish the second half of 2010′s best and worst moments achievements tomorrow!

And be sure to check out Parts 1 and 2 if you haven’t already.