The 2010 Rooties!!! Our best and worst of the year in Kentucky (PART I)

Oh it’s that time of year again, boys and girls! Its time to hand out the 2010 Rooties awards, acknowledging the best and worst of Kentucky politics in this quite foul year of our lord.

We’re changing things up a bit this year in our 4th edition of the Rooties. Once I realized that I had written 70 pages worth of awards for this year, I realized (1) I’m putting way too much time into this, and (2) I should split this up into three parts so people can actually make it to the end of them. So this is the first of three installments of the Rooties (People), the latter two I’ll break out Tuesday (Sights,Sounds and Sayings) and Wednesday (Moments/Achievements) morning.

Alright, so here’s the best and worst people that Kentucky politics had to offer in 2010. Let the mean begin!

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BEST KY DEMOCRAT

Kathy Stein- Watching Kathy do her thing in the middle of all of those wretched people in the State Senate is like watching The Bride take on the Crazy 88’s, only with less blood squirting and more crazy. There’s absolutely no one else in Frankfort with her spine and honesty.

Crit Luallen- Please stop making us beg you to run for office and just do it, mkay?

John Yarmuth- This was the year that Republicans were supposed to take back all of those seats that they lost in 2006 and 2008. In many/most cases they did, as spineless Blue Dogs were put to sleep by Teabagging hordes all over the country. But not Congressman Awesome. Yarmuth didn’t look at polls to tell him how to vote. He voted for what he knew was right, and rather than apologizing and trying to hide from it, he stood up and took on all comers, defending his vote and advocating for good policy. That’s what leadership is.

That’s what Yarmuth explained in his victory speech, and that’s what made conservative Democrats’ blood boil, as they couldn’t wait to anonymously snipe at him to reporters afterward. It’s their loss, and will continue to be their loss, while Congressman Awesome will just keep on winning.

MOST FASCINATING KENTUCKIAN

Christopher Hignite- It’s not everyday that a political candidate puts 100 pictures of naked strippers at a pool party on his campaign page. Or accuses candidates in debates of covering up murders. Or confronts candidates wearing a giant bunny costume. But Higgy knows that you don’t expose murder and prostitution on a grand scale scale within the highest reaches of government by adhering to what is conventional. Hignite did not succeed in this year’s Lexington council race, but I’m sure that we (or Ellinger) have not heard the last of him.

Baph777 (aka, Paul Edward Hieronymus, Jr.)- Baph burst onto the political scene in Kentucky this year with a shot against the bow of Rand Paul via YouTube. He announced that he was running as a write in candidate for US Senate, explaining that his political pedigree is far superior to Paul’s. The campaign was progressing smoothly until he got into a serious flame war in our comments section with “L”, who was viciously hating on him. Baph challenged him to a fistfight in the Fayette Mall food court, which to our knowledge is a first for a senate candidate in American political history. Unfortunately, Baph bailed on the fight in order to make sure that his mother did not drive back home without him, which was a blow to his credibility that the campaign was never able to fully recover from. We haven’t heard the last from him either, I think.

Mommy Lady- That Mommy Lady blogger burst into the Bluegrass Blogtopia this year with a mission to expose Rand Paul as the abortion-loving fake conservative that he is. She also passionately advocated for the campaign of Some Dude Named Bill Johnson, whose withdrawal from the Senate race was as tragic as her farewell post was eloquent.

Danny Mayer- It’s about time that someone in Lexington had the courage to expose the fact that I am a capitalist stooge of the establishment and my support of Don Pratt is insufficient. The North of Center editor was just that man, and should be commended for revealing my fake liberalism and offensive support of UK basketball over Mumia.

Gurley Martin-Republican Senate candidate Gurley Martin has an American birth certificate, unlike the Kenyan “mullah” in the White House. The lynching he attended was not of a black man. And he has never ever ever raped a woman. What kind of world do we live in when that alone is not enough to win an election? Gurley for Senate 2014!

BIGGEST HYPOCRITE

Rand Paul- There was a time when taking money from people who voted for or supported the bank bailout, DC lobbyists, and the Aspen Institute was bad. And there was a time when associating with people who question others’ religion was OK, as was using your opponent’s college hijinks against him. Then this summer happened, and that wasn’t the case anymore. Also of note: all government spending is on the table to cut, except the one that pays his salary. And my personal favorite: end the tyranny of the big federal government being all up in your business… unless you are raped by your uncle and have an abortion, in which case you should be prosecuted for a federal crime.

Rand Paul has a ways to go to reach the heights of hypocrisy that Mitch McConnell has met, but he has real potential to compete with him in a few years. Major upside on this kid.

Hal Rogers- It’s takes a special kind of man to rant against big spending commie government, yet also be the #1 Pork King in Congress. And call health care reform “socialistic”, while simultaneously requesting money from it behind the scenes. We’re so glad that the not-hypocritical-at-all Teabaggers have ushered him into the House Appropriations Chairmanship.

Brett Guthrie- The man who’s helping the Teabaggers take their country back also spends more on franking privilege (commie self-promotion mailers) then the entire Kentucky congressional delegation combined.

Goeff(erson) Davis- The Gadsden flag waving crusader against earmarks and stimulus spending managed to flaunt to his constituents how they benefited from the stimulus and the earmarks that he delivered for his campaign contributors.

Mitch McConnell- When you are a person in politics with zero ideology or principles, only slavish devotion to your own personal power, this gives you the ability to take hypocrisy to new heights. McConnell bemoaned earmarks and the size of the $1.1 trillion omnibus bill. The same bill that he personally requested $276 million worth of earmarks in. The same bill that he personally requested to be $1.1 trillion. Also, it was revealed that in 2006 while he was calling Democrats al-Qaeda appeasing cut-and-runners for wanting to start withdrawing from Iraq, he was secretly requesting that Bush do the same exact thing. Mitch isn’t the biggest hypocrite in Kentucky politics, he’s the biggest hypocrite in American politics.

BEST KY JOURNALIST

John Cheves- His victory streak ends at 3, but through no fault of his own. Cheves spent another year making the lives of Hal Rogers, Geoff Davis and Steve Beshear miserable, which means that he spent another year doing God’s work.

Ryan Alessi- Ryan was a pusherman for political addicts like us this year, cranking out great material 5 nights a week with his new cn|2 venture. But if you want to ask him why the Orioles suck, you have to submit your question in writing first.

Jonathan Meador- Kentucky has many faults, but one thing it has going for it is that there’s a city where a young writer as talented as Meador gets paid to put out great work every single week for its residents to read. And who calls up Frank Simon to chat about the Jefferson Bible. Be thankful, Louisville.

Al Cross- He is the Dean. And there’s no other journalist’s opinion in the state that I value more when it comes to our messed up politics. And this meant quite a bit to me.

Stephenie Steitzer- She doesn’t only ask the tough questions to people’s face, she will straight up sprint after Rand Paul if he tries to scamper away and hide from her without taking questions. And though I’ve vented recently, I include her because I have faith that she will use the word “dinosaur” eventually.

Linda Blackford- When the likes of Sylvia Lovely, Jim Newberry and Ken Ham are whining about your reporting, you know that you’re doing something right. 2010 saw Bill Hamilton fired from KLC, one of the last chapters of the sordid tale that Blackford’s series put into motion. And then she went and did the revolutionary act of writing the word “dinosaur”. The Rootie was as good as hers after that.

WORST KY DEMOCRAT (“The Gooch”)

Steve Beshear- Governor Beshear has a bold vision for the future of Kentucky. The few mountains we have left that aren’t blown up will store nuclear waste. And we’ll be the Mecca for common folk who want to ride a dinosaur like their ancestors did. And though everyone else in America (outside of South Carolina) will make KY the butt of their jokes, they say that any publicity is good publicity. Well, one of those unicorns in the Bible said that, I think.

Julian Carroll- The supporting actor of The Bluegrass Conspiracy made a special kind of ass out of himself this year on CNN, insanely berating a citizen on camera. Whereas competent political parties would put Julian in a home, the Senate Democrats are about to make him their new leader. That’s just how Kentucky Democrats roll.

Jack Conway- This year Jack Conway bravely spoke out against the Burlington Coat Factory prayer room, the brutal “oppression” of King Coal by the EPA, and letting the Bush tax cuts for millionaires and billionaires continue. And he started using “Kentucky values” in sentences as much as Giuliani used “9/11”. His personal beliefs might be similar to mine, but I judge people based on their actions, and I’m not bowing anymore to this false idol, that you call Jack Conway.

Keith Hall- Corrupt shill of the coal industry Keith Hall explained that the unprecedented flooding in Pikeville was not the result of new mountaintop removal mining in the worst areas, but “urban sprawl”. The urban jungle of Pikeville.

Ben Chandler*- The Central Kentucky Jellyfish not only made another vote for the Stupak Amendment and against Wall Street reform this year, he also joined Republicans to block the EPA from regulating greenhouse gases. And Ben took the extra special step of declaring that racism in Kentucky is over, and then voted against the DREAM Act. But thank God he beat Andy Barr, because then we’d really be screwed, right?

*Mr. Schankula protests that Ben Chandler is actually a Republican, thus not eligible for this award.

BEST WHITE MALE LIBERTY PATRIOT / PAULBOT

Alex Jones- While Rand Paul had to avoid the 9/11 Truther’s radio show while he was trying to pretend he wasn’t crazy in order to win an election, Alex Jones continued to fight the Bilderberg Group and the Illuminati media in support of Rand Paul. After Rand’s glorious victory in November he made his triumphant return to the Alex Jones Show, thanking Alex for the support of him and all of his listeners. With luck, Senator Paul and Alex Jones will prevent further oppression of America by Black Hitler and his cabal of international bankers who are plotting to kill 90% of the world’s population very soon.

Ohio Valley Freedom Fighters- Rand Paul called this militia his “own personal security force” at the same rally that the OVFF advocated for violent civil war and the execution of liberal journalists. And no form of voter outreach can match their “I’m a Rand Fan” stickers on their AK-47’s.

Basil Childress- Father Liberty’s 501(c)4 Campaign for Liberty did great work to help Rand Paul to victory in Kentucky. Coordinating their effort in Fayette County was Basil Childress, who is also the president of a neo-confederate white supremacist group. The Pauls and the South are rising!

William Johnson- This crusader against race-mixing and advocate for deporting all non-whites gave Rand Paul a nice big campaign donation so he could fight for his Liberty in Washington. Rand fortunately stood by him, as he resisted pressure by the liberal media to return his money (and the money of two other white supremacists), striking a blow against tyranny in the process.

Don Black- The owner of Stormfront.org, the largest white supremacist website in America, did his part to fundraise for Rand Paul, and his readers reveled in Paul’s great primary victory.

John Birch Society- This group of dedicated patriots hasn’t played a prominent role in American politics since the Civil Rights Act was passed. They made their renaissance this year along with anti-civil rights crusader Rand Paul. The Birchers knew that Rand was their man.

Randall Terry- The man who’s dedicated his life to making sure that it’s socially acceptable to assassinate doctors said that Rand Paul is the WMLP that Washington, DC needs.

Doug Wilson- This great thinker defended Rand Paul’s opposition to the Civil Rights Act. He busted the myth that blacks had it bad back then, just like he did with the myth that slaves didn’t live a life of luxury in the South at the hands of their kind and benevolent owners.

David Duke- America’s favorite white supremacist cheered on Rand Paul as he twice overcame the Jew Media to win.

Jim Newberry- Mayor Newberry not only stoked fear of the scary brown people in his ads, but he had the courage to come out as an open Rand Paul supporter, cheering him on at this last campaign rally in Lexington.

Weird racist vendor man- This dude made sure that every Teabagger in Kentucky had the proper apparel and bumper stickers to wear in support of Rand Paul in his fight against our Black Muslin president and his Mexican paramilitary force. Wear your “Yup, I’m a racist” T-shirt with pride, WMLP’s!

Winner:

Tim Profitt (The Curbstomper)- This WMLP went above all others to support Rand Paul. Not because he maxed out to him or superbly coordinated the campaign in Bourbon County, but because he SAVED HIS LIFE. If Profitt hadn’t stomped on Lauren Valle’s head as she laid defenseless with another man holding her down and Rand Paul 30 feet away, Rand would be DEAD today. While the liberal media and corrupt police force would have loved to let Valle carry out her assassination plot, Profitt was brave enough to stand up to her, despite his bad back. After she finally gives Profitt the apology he deserves, maybe America will finally give him the thanks he deserves, too. He not only saved the life of Liberty Christ, he might have saved America from Black Hitler.

BATSHIT CRAZIEST (“The Ham”)

Frank Simon-While Kentucky’s biggest homophobe had a relatively quiet year, he did finally receive the recognition that he has long deserved, as the SPLC officially named the American Family Association a hate group. To celebrate the news that day, Simon decided to send out an email demanding that charges against the Curbstomper be dropped, and criminal charges be filed against the defenseless woman that got her head stomped on. In addition to promoting videos that show Obama is doing exactly what Hitler did, he sent out his normal insane questionnaires to candidates ranting about children being taught various methods of sodomy and Muslims taking over America. Every Republican in the state besides Trey Grayson happily filled it out and mailed it back in, because who wouldn’t want an endorsement from someone with the respect and stature as hate group president Frank Simon?

Todd Lally-If there has ever been a person more afraid of being hit on by a gay man than 3rd district congressional candidate Todd Lally, I have yet to meet him. Lally took his fear of gay soldiers and their “gay behavior” to impressive heights, claiming that he’s against repealing DADT because “I’m not going to sit there and trample on any troops’ rights that are straight”. Todd Lally practically screams “I have a right to not be tempted by you freaks! What with your nicely groomed hair, chisels abs, alluring Axe body spray, and… wait, what was I talking about? Oh, the queers, right. Keep those freaks away from me!”. Lally also explained that discrimination against women doesn’t exist because his wife is successful, and he doesn’t believe in global warming because he built a survival bunker for Y2K and doesn’t want to get burned again. And corporations are people, they’re people!

Pastor Jeff Fugate- Some cult leaders are insular and reclusive, choosing to hide their followers from the outside world. Fortunately for Kentucky, Jeff Fugate is not that kind of cult leader! He brought all of his followers to Frankfort to throw a big rally to “Restore America“. Restore it to what? A place where Christianity is mandatory, gays are purged, condoms are outlawed, and women don’t show their ankles. Fugate spoke in front of a huge banner showing a beautiful hillside with grass and trees, telling the crowd that you should not believe the lies of the liberal secular media, because this is what mountaintop removal really looks like. But Fugate doesn’t just talk the talk. His church runs a “college” requiring females to major in “Christian Womanhood” where they are taught childcare, cooking, sewing and family rolls (sic). Yes, we need to restore America to a simpler time, when women didn’t show any skin and they certainly didn’t learn none of that fancy math.

BIGGEST WATB

Runners up:

Dan Mongiardo- Rather than suck it up and throw his weight behind Jack Conway after losing, Lt. Dan played WATB. He took months to endorse Conway, instead spending that time to publicly shake him down for money to retire his campaign debt.

Jim Newberry- While his Bromanager’s whiny and unhinged email in the last days of the campaign certainly reeked of WATB, Newberry did not stop once the election was over. His concession speech, post-election interviews and farewell address were nothing but whining about Jim Gray, his money, and how nobody truly appreciated Newberry’s genius. Yet despite all of his whining, it is of no consequence.

Logan Askew- The LFUCG Law Commissioner decided to bring his family in as props when he went before the special investigation committee for questioning, explaining that his daughter seeing his name in the paper was a great tragedy that she might never recover from.Tiny violins.

Winner:

Rand Paul- Good God this man just whines and whines and whines and whines and whines and whines and whines. If you quote him in context he will whine. If you ask him a hard question he will whine. If you point out that he’s completely flipped his position he will whine. If you ask him to kneel down before your God, that you call Aqua Buddha, he will whine. And maybe that last one is warranted, but does it have to be that high-pitched whine that lasts for 4 minutes?

BEST KY BLOG/BLOGGER

Marion County Line- Like his dad, Jim Higdon is a crime fighter. Instead of wrestling shoplifters to the ground, he single handedly shut down a hillbilly heroin shack with nothing but his laptop. He was also a must read this year with his coverage of the Senate race, skewering both Conway and Paul when it was warranted (i.e., about every single day).

David Schankula- Sure, there’s his running series on the con by the Kentucky American Water Company and Republican Ben Chandler. But his Newberry Green Triangle Laser Vision of Destruction remix is the most profound piece of art this city’s seen in years. Also, this serves as payback for that Model Citizen malarkey.

Blue Bluegrass- It’s fair to assume that Bob Layton did not get a Christmas card from Renee True or the Curbstomper this year. I’m sure he’s devastated.

Rob Morris- He deserves this for his epic work on the CentrePointe scam, but getting called a communist by Darby Turner was the cherry on top.

Blue in the Bluegrass- Yellow Dog remains the Keymaster and Gatekeeper of our Order of the Shrill here in Bluegrass Blogtopia. And he’s the only person meaner to Ben Chandler than us, which is saying something.

The Hillbilly- Even violent state senators can’t stop Jim Pence and his camera from chasing down Rand Paul and his ilk.

Page One Kentucky- There’s a reason that 2.7 million people come to the Castle Gayskull every day. For all of those Jake Payne haters out there, remember that “a free society will abide unofficial, public gossip – even when that means allowing hate-filled gays to excoriate people because of how stupid, bigoted and corrupt they are”. Besides, Andy Wolfson has to steal his work from someone.

MOST INCOMPETENT POLITICO

Nate Hodson/Grayson staff- It might not be fair to put all of the blame directly on Nate Hodson’s shoulders, but it’s shocking how much ammunition was available to use against Rand Paul in the primary that was either not used or used very poorly. Conway was able to use some of this with success in the primary (non-violent crimes shouldn’t be against the law, etc…), but this and Rand’s buddy Alex Jones could have at least made it a competitive race when presented to Kentucky Republicans.

Mark Riddle- It’s not just that he went 0-4 this fall. In Lexington, his candidate had an approval rating in the 60′s and the unanimous support of the good old boys system, yet Jim Newberry was blown out. Why? Partly because of his disdain for the importance of a ground game, as he put a political novice in charge of it, matched up against Lisa Tanner on Gray’s side, the best field person in the state. The same Lisa Tanner that he should have hired way back in 2009, yet refused to do. To him, it was all about TV ads. Ads like the Aqua Buddha, which probably sunk Conway’s decent chances of making it a race. Another reason his ads couldn’t help? Because he sat on his ass after Rand Paul imploded on Rachel Maddow. Conway should have had a site set up by the next morning, taking in millions of dollars from around the country. Instead, Riddle scoffed at the idea and decided to make about 10 worthless petitions with no ask for money. He complained about what a disadvantage the campaign was at in terms of the amount of ads on the air, but if they acted quickly in May they would have been at an advantage.

Maybe 2010 will serve as an ego check for Mark Riddle and make him realize that it’s OK to listen to other people, as he doesn’t know everything. If not, good riddance.

BIGGEST KYDB (“The Dudley”)

Warren Rogers- The KAWC shill Rogers made the people of Lexington proud this year by calling out the Bolsheviks of Local First, and then mocking muslims visiting our city for the WEG games. That’s Mayor Gray to you, Warren.

Ed Lane- If any of you reading this have ever met LFUCG Councilman Ed Lane, there’s no need for me to even explain. It just oozes out of his pores.

DJ SANiTY- Demitri Kesoglides (aka DJ SANiTY) isn’t a Kentuckian, per se, but he captured the imagination of the state this June after DJing Rand Paul’s New York WMLP party. He taught us here in the comments about fist-pumping, good hygiene, and good eating habits, but left us all too soon. Haters gonna hate.

Leland Conway- It takes a special kind of pride in your own stupidity to think that driving your SUV’s around New Circle Road on Earth Day is a great way to stick it to The Man and Al Gore.

James Culpepper (CentrePointe)- Dudley Webb brought in his prize architect to sell Lexington once more on the new “refined” CentrePointe (complete with pedway!) to renew his permit. Culpepper proceeded to unleash the longest and most unbearable string of buzzwords and platitudes that Lexington has ever heard, perhaps the entire state. Can’t wait till next year.

Andy Wolfson- Taking other people’s research/work and presenting it as your own is NOT cool.

Mayfield Mosquebaggers- The good people of Mayfield, Kentucky rose up and saved Christianity by denying a permit for a fiendish terrorist training camp run by “those people”. Oh, I mean it was over two parking spaces in a strip mall. Yeah, that’s why.

BIGGEST EGO TRIPPER

Jake Payne-Outside of Beshear, Williams, McConnell and Paul, Gay Skeletor is the most powerful man in Kentucky politics. And he’s already received like 20 texts this morning from state legislators saying the same thing. And there’s this, of course. Just like last year, Jake will be pissed that his ego didn’t win a little Huxtable trophy.

Rand Paul- Actually, this award only goes to the pre-Maddow Rand, who thought he was the most brilliant intellectual in America and incapable of losing any argument. The post-Maddow Rand was afraid to talk to anyone outside of Fox News, literally ran away from reporters on multiple occasions, and did whatever Mitch McConnell told him to do. Kind of sad, really. I hope he gains some of his confidence back.

David Adams- I’m sure in David’s heart of hearts he thinks that he’s truly the candidate on the Moffett/Harmon ticket, that Rand would have won by 20 if he wasn’t fired, and that Rachel Maddow really is trying to personally Facebook stalk him. It’s a shame, because Adams really doesn’t need to try that hard. And he doesn’t have to make up stories like this to prove that he’s important. If he can ever overcome being the most self-absorbed and self-promoting man in Kentucky, it would serve him and his candidates well.

PERSON OF THE YEAR

Jim Gray- It takes guts to run for office. Especially when you’re an underdog, giving up a job you like, and face the serious threat of being demonized by bigoted lunatics. But he did, and he won, and all of his critics might now get a lesson on how you run a city.

And make no mistake, his victory was a BFD. And will give a lot of people hope.

John Yarmuth- (see “Best KY Democrat”, above)

The 2 people who applaud Gurley Martin at :50 in this video- That is nothing if not good citizenship.

Jim Gray’s campaign staff and volunteers- Incumbents with 60+% approval ratings, unanimous support of the good old boy system, and relatively even campaign spending are not supposed to be blown out by openly gay candidates in Kentucky. That stuff just doesn’t happen. But it did this year in Lexington, as Jim Gray proved all of the experts wrong and pummeled Jim Newberry like Dudley’s bulldozers pummeled the heart of my city two and a half years ago.

How did it happen? It happened because Jim Gray surrounded himself with young, intelligent, committed and dedicated staffers, who worked their asses off and ran circles around their competition (Jamie Emmons, Lisa Tanner, Walker Mattox, and everybody else, take a bow). It happened because of an army of inspired volunteers who would walk through a door for Gray (take a bow Lori Houlihan and everybody who knocked on doors and made phone calls).

Without the work and sacrifice of these people, Lexington would be looking at four more years of stagnation and devotion to the good old boy system. Because of their work, Lexington now has a chance to achieve something much greater, and I believe we will.

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That’s it for the first of the three installment of this year’s Rooties! Congrats to all of the winners and losers!

Tuesday morning will be Part II: Sights, Sounds and Sayings. This will include Best Musical Performance, Worst Political Ad, Best Image, Most Disturbing Image, Best Remix, Best Fashion, Best Photoshop, Best Catchphrase, Worst Rand Paul Song, Best Quote, Worst Quote, and Grumpiest Jim Bunning Quote.

Wednesday morning will be Part III: Moments, Achievement and Failures. This will include Most Humiliating Representation of Kentucky, Biggest/Best Lie, Best Moment, Best Achievement in Stalinist Purging, Best Schadenfreude Moment, Best Blogger Induced Fit of Rage/Whining, Best Conspiracy Theory, Best Fake Poll, Best Achievement in Coal Shilling, Best Debate Moment, Best Jack Conway Petition, Most Hilarious Political Spin, Best Sockpuppetry, Best Strategery, Best Comeback, Most Surreal Moment, Most Awkward Moment, and Best Abandonment of Principles by Rand Paul.

Tune in tomorrow!