The 2009 Rooties!!! Our best and worst of the year

Oh it’s that time of year again, boys and girls! Its time to hand out the 2009 Rooties awards, acknowledging the best and worst of KY politics in this quite foul year of our lord. While some kiddies out there have been good, I’m sad to report that most have been either naughty, stupid, dishonest, embarrassing, or all of the above. They would get lumps of coal, if only they weren’t already in to that stuff.

We have a few new changes to our 3rd edition of the Rooties this year. First of all, we are retiring some of our most cherished Kentuckians from three categories, and naming the award in their honor. The “Biggest KY Douchebag” award will now be named the “The Dud”, in honor of the failed businessman and epic douchebag, Dudley Webb. The “Batshit Craziest” award will now be named “The Ham”, in honor of Flintstone Truther and Creation Museum founder Ken Ham. The “Worst KY Democrat” will now be named “The Gooch”, for reasons that should be quite obvious. We are making this decision because there honestly isn’t much competition with them included.

Some new awards for this year: Best CentrePointe Spin, Best White Male Liberty Patriot, Douchiest Conservative Rapper, Best Whine About Dirty Bloggers, and Grumpiest Jim Bunning Quote.

Alright, let the mean begin!

BEST KY DEMOCRAT

Runner ups:

John Yarmuth- This is the first year that Yarmy hasn’t won the award, but it’s not through lack of effort. He continually stuck his neck out against mountaintop removal, called out McConnell/Boehner’s BS, and gave Michael Jackson’s worship on the House floor the lack of attention it deserved. And if we had more Democrats like him in Congress, we wouldn’t have such a lame watered down health care bill. He’s already Louisville’s Congressman for Life, now we just call him Congressman Awesome.

Kathy Stein- There’s nobody else in this state that we’d rather have voting for us. Or watch tearing apart homophobes on KET. Or have a beer with. She brought her portable microphone into the State Senate this year, let’s see if she puts it to work next year.

Reginald Meeks- The Louisville State Representative single-handedly killed the Clockwork Orange for Women Bill, despite getting hounded mercilessly by Frank Simon’s lunatics and being blackmailed by Gary Tapp and David Floyd. Meeks is far from a perfect Democrat, but in a year and party full of spineless “compromise” and caving in, this act deserved special recognition.

Winner:

Crit Luallen- She is the most feared person in the state of Kentucky. By Republicans. By good ole boy Democrats. By every corrupt Sylvia Lovely-type who thinks they deserve to live a life of luxury and strip clubs on our dime. She has the intelligence, determination and record that could land her any political office she wants. If she actually wanted it. Do you think we can all convince her to save us from Beshear’s blowout loss in 2011? Draft Crit for Gov!

WORST KY DEMOCRAT (“The Gooch”)

Runner ups:

Dan Mongiardo- Lt. Dan already has an exemplary history of pioneering homophobic legislation and extolling the natural beauty of mountaintop removal, but it wasn’t until this full year of campaigning for US Senate that we got to see him in his full clusterfuck glory.

The checklist of accomplishments is truly stunning. Sharing his vision of underground Louisville thriving in post-apocolyptic America. Comparing our little ice storm to Katrina and blaming the weather for bad poll numbers. Letting his campaign manager/clown loose on the media to continually embarrass our state. Fully reaffirming his belief in government-forced birth for women. And the only thing that could have endeared him to us (his tape calling Beshear a sob/whore/worst Governor ever) wound up simply showing his staggering hypocrisy and his blatant dishonesty.

If Democrats give this guy with the worst negatives this side of Bruce Lunsford the nomination next year, Gawd (or Sen. Paul) help us all.

Steve Beshear- Steve has given us 2 years of continual failure and disappointment. I’m still waiting for him to fight for someone who isn’t a horsey person or a coal company executive or someone who calls him a whore son-of-a-bitch. No, I take that back, I’m done waiting. Anyway, he’d probably lose.

Winner:

Ben Chandler- Early this summer, I was actually contemplating whether Ben would make an appearance on our best KY Dem list. Yea, that changed quickly. Voting against the (good) House health care bill with the Repubs was one thing, but voting for the biggest setback to women’s rights in over 30 years? Then lying about it? Inexcusable. Wire Hanger Ben then joined 27 Blue Dogs in voting against Wall St. regulation to end out the year.

To think I’ve actually been making excuses for this guy over the past year. My apologies to the readers of this site, and No More.

BEST LEXINGTON PUBLIC OFFICIAL

Runner ups:

Diane Lawless- While Jim Gray got most of the ink for calling out Newberry’s blunders, perhaps nobody did a better job on the horseshoe than Diane.

Winner:

Jim Gray- Lexington’s future Mayor kept making all of the right moves in 2009. He was proven prophetic by the miserable failure of CentrePointe, and continually was ahead of the curve on Mayor Newberry (airport audit and power lines). His final act was the best, though, throwing his hat into the ring to save us from another 4 years of NeWebberry.

BIGGEST KY DOUCHEBAG (“The Dudley”)

Runner ups:

Jim Newberry- Sure, Lexington’s Mayor was a comedy of errors, most notably letting the Airport and KLC corruption/luxury BS happen right under his nose with little concern. But it was this line that solidifies his status on this list:

Plus, as Lexington’s graffiti artists go, so go the Rooties…

Astrida Lemkins- Defense lawyers often have to say and do awful things, but to tell the media immediately after Amanda Ross’s death that she was just asking to be murdered because she had the nerve to file a DVO against Steve Nunn for repeatedly beating her? Yes, you suck at life.

Bill Caylor- King Coal’s King Spokesdouche has always been worthy of consideration on this list, but his arrest for violating his wife’s restraining order that he picked up for beating her makes him a lock.

Rick Pitino- I won’t get into the specifics of the Sypher case, but Rick gets this honor for his Giuliani-esque tactic of using 9/11 to excuse his actions, as well as his lunatic press conference on the matter. Pitino yelling at me when I was 14 just because I asked him if he would start Todd Svboda on Senior Night certainly didn’t hurt, either.

Sylvia Lovely- I wonder how the Britney Spears of Kentucky will look in orange?

Massey Coal Thugs- The pride of the King Coal:

Winner:

Dudley Webb- Yes, I realize I opened this post by saying that Dudley was being retired from this award. But… gawd, I just could not in good conscience give this award to anyone else after his ego jizzed that 2,300 word screed in Business Lexington last month. So I take back what I said earlier. But this is Dudley’s last year, I swear!

BEST KY JOURNALIST

Runner ups:

Ryan Alessi- Four words: Kentucky Association of Counties. Alessi kicked some serious ass this year.

Rhonda Reeves- Two to three years ago, ACE Weekly was an embarrassing pile of shit. But through bringing on great local writers and fabulously up to date details on LFUCG proceedings, Rhonda has turned ACE around into one damned good free weekly publication.

Winner:

John Cheves- Our best journalist wins his third straight Rootie. What will come first: this award becomes “The Cheves”, or the New York Times steals him away from us?

BATSHIT CRAZIEST (“The Ham”)

Runner ups:

Frank Simon- The American Family Association wackjob spread the word that Hate Crimes legislation was the “Pedophile Protection Act” and youth service was “socialist indoctrination” like “Hitler’s Youth”. Though he failed to push through legislation requiring government mandated séances with fetuses, he was able to get lots of teabagging in.

Jim Bunning- We will all miss Senator Bunning’s glorious conference calls with the Kentucky press, where he proudly let his freak flag fly (see “Grumpiest Jim Bunning Quote” below). His 29% approval rating in Kentucky shows that folks in this state just have no sense of humor.

Winner:

Mica Sims- This staggering genius broke onto the Lexington scene by organizing a truancy rally at Gattitown so that the minds of Lexington’s children would not brainwashed by the Communist message of “work hard and stay in school so you can reach your full potential” from our Muslim Kenyan tyrant overlord. Lexington’s new Christian morality leader then had her “fun past” revealed, her anti-American no-alcohol bar flounder, and was nationally punked and ridiculed on the front page of the Wall Street Journal. But in true batshit crazy form, she just didn’t get it.

Mica Sims for Political Office? Run Mica, run!

MOST HUMILIATING REPRESENTATION OF KY

Runner ups:

Steve Nunn- It’s never a good sign for a state when the person who beat their girlfriend before eventually murdering her was also the state’s deputy secretary for Health and Family Services (overseeing domestic violence programs) and acting commissioner of the Department for Mental Health.

Skoal Rebel- The pride of Edmonton, KY informs the country that Obama should be impeached for banning flavored dip, as he shows off his rebel flag.

Wildcat Coal Lodge- What, academic institutions aren’t supposed to promote illegal coal mining? How about the 33 1/3 Lodge, instead?

Heaven is a Mountaintop Removal site- And that tap water isn’t yellow, it’s just Mountain Dew!

Winner:

Kim Geveden- Dan Mongiardo’s campaign spokesperson has a wonderful knack for embarrassing our entire state. His repeated attempts to use Jack Conway’s attendance at Duke law school and invoke Christian Leattner in actually campaign attacks shows that he thinks that Kentuckians are the stupidest people on the planet. His dismissal of endorsements by Crit Luallen and John Yarmuth because they aren’t manly man hunters and “sportsmen” in rugged Lt. Dan’s posse? Ditto. And his Glenn Beck/Jim Garrison video presentation to the press in order to show the Conway campaign’s diabolical role in the “Fuck it all/SOB/married to a whore” tapes? Yes, that too. His War on Math? Yeppers. His demonization of the people of Louisville? Roger. The Ice Storm was just like Hurricane Katrina? Yes, they just keep piling up, don’t they….

Oddly enough, Kim’s ability to always be able to find an important job in major campaigns in this state (no matter how much he loses or makes an absolute clown of himself) shows that when it comes to a good portion of the Democratic political establishment of Kentucky, there may be a sliver of truth to his beliefs.

BIGGEST HYPOCRITE

Runner ups:

Doug Martin- the LFUCG Councilman’s First Act was to publically and condescendingly berate Rob Morris for complaining about something that he himself was just complaining about an hour earlier. But the final and much worse act was to use the extremely important LFUCG meeting about the Christmas fire station brown outs to complain about “political grandstanding”, while doing exactly that on behalf of his favored Mayor candidate, Jim Newberry. (big credit to Newberry’s allies on the Council who called Martin out for this)

Dan Mongiardo- Curse words were the worstest thing ever, until Lt. Dan was caught saying those same words and worse. Steve Beshear’s endorsement was a sign to Kentuckians that he was the best Senate candidate, until he was caught calling him a whore/SOB and the worst Governor in the state’s history. Paying extra money at fundraisers for “special access” to the candidate was a sign of elitist corruption, until he was caught doing the same exact thing.

Rand Paul- Step #1: build your campaign around criticizing your opponent for being a Mitch McConnell puppet and saying you won’t be like Mitch. Step #2: kiss McConnell’s ass and try to get his support. Repeat ad nauseam…

Virginia Woodward and Eleanor Jordan- If you claim to be pro-choice and a women’s rights advocate, yet you support anti-choice Daniel Mongiardo, you are actually neither.

Winner:

Mitch McConnell- When it comes to speaking out of both sides of your lipless mouth, no one can compete with ole Mitch. It takes a very special person to call the stimulus package an atrocity and a failure on one day, and then tout its success in your state the next. The same with bemoaning the “cutting” of Medicare one day (which you yourself have done a timeless amount), and the next day screaming bloody murder about its expansion bringing about the Bolshevik revolution. But hey, it seems to be working for you…

BEST WHITE MALE LIBERTY PATRIOT

Runner ups:

Rand Paul- Compare Obama to Hitler? Check. Call for gutting the socialist oppression of Medicare, Medicaid, Social Security, and food/water that doesn’t poison/give you the shits? Check. Tout your belief in freedom from government interference in people’s private lives in one breath, yet advocate for criminalizing women’s medical decisions even when their life is in jeopardy or they’ve been raped in the next breath? Check. Enlist an army of foot soldiers who tout wacky conspiracy theories about the One World Government, Illuminati, Kenyan birth certificates, socialist public school indoctrination and global warming fraud? Check and check. White supremacist web sites are buzzing about your candidacy? Check. Your campaign spokesperson had, in your own words, “no racist tendencies”? Check.

What about the voice of Geddy Lee, how did it get so high? Freedom and Liberty, that’s how.

David Adams- Guinness World Record for use of the word “socialism”, plus the eagerness to casually incite violence, are definitely positives. So is his willingness to not delete anti-Semitic death threats towards Jonathan Miller. But his high point had to be when Adams explained, after Rand Paul was hospitalized with a bad case of the shits, that this was a perfect example of why we shouldn’t have socialized medicine and health care czars deciding who gets treated or not. A defining moment for all WMLP’s everywhere, no doubt. However, his scant tendency to invoke Godwin’s Law robbed his chances of winning First Prize.

Gatewood Galbreath- Kentucky’s original White Male Liberty Patriot. In Gatewood’s ideal world, men should be free to shoot, smoke, snort, inject or plunder whatever they choose, but if women go to jail for life or get the chair for not complying with forced birth, “they should have thought about that before they had sex”. Honestly, Gatewood deserves to win this award, but let’s face the facts: Gatewood has never won anything and never will.

Skoal Rebel- (see above)

Winner:

Chris Hightower- Tough guy stare-downs of “Afro-Americans” at the local mall and adherence to certain very public holidays make Hightower a front-runner for this top prize. But if Commander doesn’t stand for anything other than unbridled Liberty, than I don’t know what does. Too funny!

BEST/BIGGEST LIE (non-CentrePointe)

Runner ups:

Bill Sparkman- Thanks for scaring the hell out of us, Bill. This is definitely the sickest Rickroll I’ve ever received.

Ben Chandler- On his Stupak Amendment:

“I don’t think it affects private plans… I think there are those who think that it does.”

Mica Sims- On the revelation of her “fun past”:

“not a word of it is true”

Dan Mongiardo- Asked by reporters if the voice on the infamous tapes are his:

“Who knows? It’s been heavily edited.”

Winner:

Dan Mongiardo– Trying to take bizarre credit for something:

“Our Ice Storm was a disaster on par with that of Hurricane Katrina.”

BEST MUSICAL PERFORMANCE

Runners up:

Daniel Solzman- He bring you the funny, he bring you the ROCK.

William Shackleford- The Renaissance Man of Bluegrass Blogtopia left us all to become a one-man face-melting metal band Gawd.

Winner:

Commander- Sure, they disbanded a few years ago. But due to recent events, America is finally being introduced to the greatest Death Metal minions of the Dark Lord to ever come out of Bowling Green.

BEST UNINTENTIONALLY FUNNY MOMENT

Runners up:

Kim Geveden sez Lt. Dan is a manly man- When Yarmuth, Crit and Chandler endorsed Conway right after he announced, Geveden gave us this golden gem:

“They’re all buddies, they’re good friends. Daniel doesn’t run in their social circle,” Geveden said. “Daniel is a sportsman, a hunter and a fisherman… Daniel doesn’t play golf, he’s not the part of that social crowd, he never has been, and he never will be.”

As I said at the time:

“That’s right folks. Dan Mongiardo is a FISHERMAN! A HUNTER! And A SPORTSMAN! He’s A MANLY MAN, WHO DOES MANLY MAN THINGS! Ben Chandler is an effete PUSSY! Did I mention that Dan Mongiardo KILLS THINGS! He KILLS them DEAD! Nobody likes Crit Luallen! She has a fucking VAGINA, for christ’s sake!”

Mongiardo visits the Fayette County Young Democrats- When Lt. Dan opened by asking the city folks “who here likes to go 4-wheeling?”, he was met with an awkward symphony of crickets. But that didn’t stop Dan from plowing forward, explaining how we’ll put the nation’s medical records under the Louisville Zoo, which will make it a huge terrorist target, but that will be OK, ’cause when they attack we can all live in the zoo tunnels like the Fraggles did. By the way, I hear a tape of this speech exists, or at least existed, but I doubt this will ever see the light of day (unfortunately).

Beshear hides Lt. Dan endorsement on Billy G day- With the entire state enthralled with Billy Gillespie’s firing, and the entire press corps chasing him down hallways, Beshear decided to give the most tepid and buried endorsement in the human history of endorsements.But hey, that’s what you get when you “marry a whore”.

Winner:

David Adams discovers what teabagging is- I really hope there was a fainting couch nearby when David found out the bad news:

“Until a friend filled me in yesterday, I never thought of a tea bag as anything other than something with which to make tea. Turns out another use for the term “teabag” is as a verb; a rather homoerotic verb.”

Again, I’m amused that it’s a male mouth that always comes to mind. Bizarre, really.

BEST CENTREPOINTE SPIN

Runners up:

(pre-”mystery dead investor” revelation)

Dudley Webb-

“The delays are attributable to the fact that we have to go through the permitting process.”

“Everything is fine, and we’re still going”

“Financing is difficult, but fortunately we had already had ours lined up”

“You’re really going to see it coming out of the ground in June”

Woodford Webb-

“The finances are there”

(post-dead mystery investor revelation)

Dudley Webb-

“the heavyweights of the world” are funding CentrePointe.”

“We didn’t hoodwink anybody. Each step of the way throughout this project, we’ve believed everything we have told you.”

“We wanted to dress it up, make it look nice. We told the community we wouldn’t leave it an eyesore.”

Webb said in addition to the aesthetics of a having a signature horse farm fence around the property, the two-acre site is being enclosed to prevent vandalism such as trucks or all-terrain vehicles ripping across the block, tearing up the grass before it gets established. “We spent a lot of money down there to beautify it, and we certainly don’t want it destroyed,” Webb said.

Woodford Webb-

“Well, it’s really more than a vacant lot”

“We’re very positive and I, I really think it will be a project, a construction site sooner rather than later. It’s just reached a temporary delay, but we just feel very, very confident and positive that it’s going to happen here soon”

“We hope that we can start construction tomorrow”

Winner:

Dudley Webb- considering all of the other quotes, I think this one merits First Prize:

“my mistake was being too honest for the people”

ACHIEVEMENT IN STALINIST PURGING

Runners up:

Rand Paul and Gitmo- Rand Paul deleted his position on closing Gitmo from his website faster than you can say “pandering to the right in order to cover up my weaknesses for political gain”.

Winner:

Mongiardo deletes praise of his homophobia- Whoever is operating Dan Mongiardo’s Facebook pages made sure to delete comments praising his co-sponsorship of the 2004 marriage amendment and protecting us from the evil homosexual agenda. I thought Dan was proud of being a homophobe?

BEST QUOTE

Runners up:

Jim Gray-

“this is not a construction site, this is a speculation site”

Jim Gray-

When Webb asked Gray if he’d had the benefit of some crystal ball that could’ve predicted the economic meltdown, Gray said he “could read a newspaper.”

Kathy Stein- On teabaggers:

“Does anyone else think the tea-bag parties might be connected to, and responsible for the swine flu outbreak?”

Caro’s owner Robin Feeney- On having a business next to CentrePonde:

“We’re tickled to death to have a mosquito breeding ground in front of our restaurant”

Winner:

Jim Gray- Down with Hoodwinking! Gray, to Dudley Webb’s face:

“In my view, it is unconscionable and regrettable that our city has been hoodwinked”

BIGGEST EGO TRIP

Runners up:

Dan Mongiardo- “Remember when I saved all you folks from that storm that was just like Hurrican Katrina? Oh. Well, did you know that I am the foremost national expert on e-health? Let me tell you all about it. E-health is basically taking paper health records and…. hey, where are you going?”

Jake Payne- This elitist homosexual makes and breaks suckas for breakfast. Just ask him. In fact, he’ll be pissed at me that he didn’t win this award.

Winner:

Dudley Webb- There is no short snarky line I can use to properly describe the scale and grandeur of this failed businessman’s massive ego. He is a perfect man who has scaled the heights of greatness, and everyone in Lexington should be greateful to him and show deference like George Myers. And if you don’t think so, you’re just a jealous naysayer. At least, that’s what his ego wrote.

FUNNIEST VIDEO

Runners up:

Billy G chased by Hebert and Cutler- It was a special day when we got rid of Billy G, made even more special by the site of this infamous foot chase in the aftermath:

Daniel Solzman works blue- Kentucky’s best stand up comic is now working blue, to the chagrin of his fan base. Dark anus, anyone?

Birther screaming at Town Hall- Definitely the high point of this Summer’s birther/town hall yeller era:

Pensicola teabagger punking- This one never gets old:

Waterslides at CentrePointe- Jeremy Midkiff’s short film on what might have been at CentrePointe/CentrePitte/CentrePonde/CentreParke:

Winner: (TIE)

Tyler Murphy’s Transylvania SGA video- Tyler came close to the entering as a runner up in the Douchebag category, but if Lundergan’s boy works hard, he’ll get there someday. By the looks of this campaign video, he’s well on his way:

This Rand is Your Rand- Of all of the hilarious things to emerge from the Rand Paul/teabagging craze in KY, this might be the funniest:

GRUMPIEST JIM BUNNING QUOTE

Runners up:

On Ruth Ginsberg’s coming death- Classy and wrong.

“Ruth Bader Ginsburg … has cancer … bad cancer. The kind that you don’t get better from … Even though she was operated on, usually, nine months is the longest that anybody would live after (being diagnosed) with pancreatic cancer”

Swiping at Grayson-

“I am nobody’s puppet. I am my own man”

Going after Mitch McConnell-

Bunning, 77, went on to call McConnell a “control freak” and said he’ll fare well in Kentucky without McConnell’s endorsement in the GOP primary election. “If Mitch McConnell doesn’t endorse me that may be the best thing that could happen to me in Kentucky,” he told reporters during a weekly conference call. Bunning, R-Southgate, said it would be kind to call his relationship with McConnell strained. “I said no to him and he doesn’t like people who say no to him,” Bunning said.

Media conference call #1- In response to a question of what his internal polls said:

“None of your goddamn business”

Media conference call #2- Addressing questions about whether McConnell is stabbing him in the back, looking for a replacement candidate:

“I’m not answering the question. Do you have a hearing problem? Do you have hearing problems? … It doesn’t need an answer. It’s too obvious. If you’re not smart enough to understand how obvious that is, that’s not my problem.”

Winner:

Media conference call #3- Responding to Joe Gerth and Jim Carroll’s previously sourced article saying that Bunning threatened to quit and let Beshear appoint his replacement if Mitch McConnell kept being so mean to him:

“Three sources my ass … Pardon me if there’s ladies on, I apologize.”

BEST IMAGE

Runners up:

BLABUS mural- John Wall as Jesus/God jokes may get old some day, but they haven’t yet:

Cheney as Lebowski at Inauguration-

Lexington teabaggers teabagged- via Logan:

I teabagged with Frank Simon- via Eric Bartley

CentrePointe website “under construction”- More than you can say for CentrePointe.

CentrePointe balloon- I received an urgent email that Woodford Webb was stuck inside this preliminary structure being built, but fortunately this (like CentrePointe itself) was a hoax.

Teresa Isaac has too many friends- Do you see what happens, Larry? Do you see what happens when you spend 10 hours a day friend requesting strangers on Facebook?

Lt. Dan’s pro-life buddies- Adorable

Dudley’s submarine- Of all of CentrePointe’s phases in the past year, CentrePonde has to be my favorite. Here is Dudley taking a spin around it in his Yellow Submarine. (via Logan):

Dog pees on CentrePonde- Tom Eblen was in the right place at the right time for this pic:

Winner:

Newberry graffiti- Sometimes vandalous art imitates foul-mouthed bloggers:

MOST DISTURBING IMAGE

Runners up:

Newberry’s Aretha hat- Jim Newberry was dressed in style when we caught up with him at the Inaugural Bluegrass Ball:

Beshear chats with Sid the Science Kid- FEAR

David Adams FB profile pic- Um… really?

Winner:

Rand Paul painting- The only thing creepier than this painting is the fact that it sold on eBay for eleventy million gold liberty trinkets.

DOUCHIEST CONSERVATIVE RAPPERS

Runners up:

Young Republican Douchebags-

Gangsta Teabagger-

Winner:

Gimme Dat Christian Side Hug- Rough Riders, filled up with Christ’s love.

BEST WHINE ABOUT DIRTY BLOGGERS

Runners up:

David Adams spinning KlanPaulGate- We appreciate shout outs:

Paul campaign manager David Adams went on the offensive Friday, blaming the Grayson campaign for “linking arms with the left-wing blogosphere” in an attempt to smear his opponent.

Dudley Webb, addressing the LFUCG-

“This became a cause célèbre for editorial writers, columnists, bloggers, public officials, rumormongers and others,” Webb said, adding that he will not “continue to respond to this negativism.”

“Won’t respond”??? Oh, we know you better than that, Dudley.

William Shackleford exposes the “gay lobby”- Shackleford discovered the motivation behind why Jake and I attack homophobic opportunists:

“Hey Guys I know your angle here; you are trying to catch a payday from the gay lobby.”

Richard Dillon goes nuts- When this nutjob wasn’t busy defending bigotry or courting Ugg boot spambots to post on his website, he focused on refining his nutjob skills:

You can kiss my ass, why don’t you come call me a stupid mother-fucker to my face?? I’m in Paducah, feel free to email me for the adress, I left it to reply to. Because you are a coward who hides behind his keyboard quite well. I took you off my facebook friends list and you should do the same with me on any site we are friends on. I don’t have any cowardly, childish friends. I don’t owe you and explanation for anything and neither does Mongiardo or any other candidate. While you are at it, change your blog name to barefoot and pussyfied, because that is what you are you crybaby piece of shit!!! You don’t know a damn thing about me and you call me names like a child?? Get some guts or shut your stupid pie-hole. By the way, I just cut a gnarly fart if you want to get a big steaming nose full!!

Get a life!!

Susan Straub- Jim Newberry’s spokesperson got snippy with me and called Jake and I liars. This, of course, doesn’t lend any more credence to the overwhelming perception that Jim Newberry is thin-skinned, right?

Winner:

Dudley Webb’s ego in BizLex-

“It is important that you understand that such postings by Mr. Morris are akin to the other ever-expanding blogs with libelous and slanderous statements that are being entered hourly on the Internet to harm others and attack everything from God to the Devil.”

I’ll have you know, sir, that I’ve never attacked the Devil.

BEST CONSPIRACY THEORY

Runners up:

Mongiardo’s “doctored tapes”- The tapes where Dan Mongiardo calls his running mate a SOB, whore and the worst Governor ever are totally doctored and stuff. In actuality, political rivals (most likely the Conway campaign) secretly bugged hundreds of hours of audio of Mongiardo, then masterfully spliced all of the syllables together to make Lt. Dan say “fuck” and various other things that Dan would never ever ever say in real life.

5-year MySpace sting on Rand Paul- The downfall of Rand Paul’s campaign spokesperson was the result of a 5-year perfectly orchestrated plot to bring down the greatest hope of Liberty that our nation has ever seen. The guilty party (Illuminati? Mitch McConnell?) set up a fake profile for Chris Hightower 5 years ago, correctly predicting that he would transition from Satanic Metal head to spokesman for Senate candidate Rand Paul in that time. The trap was set, and the rest is history.

Mongiardo’s Afghan energy plot- Dan Mongiardo revealed at a debate that America didn’t attack Afghanistan because of 9/11, rather we did it to take their “energy”.

Winner:

CentrePointe/gambling/mystery dead guy- The Webbs were expecting gambling to pass in the 2008 session so they could put a fancy casino into CentrePointe. When gambling tanked in both 2008 and 2009 and the investors bailed, they came up with the idea of the “mystery dead investor” in order to save face. Wait… I thought these were wacky conspiracy theories that I wasn’t supposed to believe?

BEST KY ACTIVIST

Runner up:

Dave Newton- The KFTC guru continually rocks.

Craig Cammack- Facebook organizing to defeat homophobes, FTW.

Winner:

Midnight Wildcat Coal Strike Force- This is what college rebellious activism is supposed to look like. The kids are alright.

BEST IDENTICAL TWINS

Runners up:

Mitch McConnell and the dog who likes cupcakes-

Mitch McConnell and Beaker-

Winner:

Solzy and Pootie Tang- Sure they don’t look alike, but the other similarities are eerie…

MOST BORING PERSON

Runner up:

Jack Conway- The KY Attorney General is being prescribed to cure insomnia. Jack, can you at least start cursing again?

Winner:

Trey Grayson- Did I even mention you once in these awards, Trey? Is this because you are the most boring candidate on earth, or is it true that you are, in fact, a cyborg? Remember, this is the year that Republicans want to vote for unhinged people, so either start putting on an act or call a good mechanic.

BEST KY BLOG/BLOGGER

Runner ups:

Rob Morris (Lowell’s Automotive)- As I’ve said many times, Rob is the very best Lexington-centric blogger. His Lexington To-Do List series is a must read, as is the CentrePointe post that drove Dudley Webb’s ego into defensive masturbatory overdrive.

Yellow Dog (Blue in the Bluegrass)- The unapologetic liberal conscience of Bluegrass Blogtopia, and still the reigning Keymaster and Gatekeeper of our Order of the Shrill.

Bob Layton (Blue Bluegrass)- This new edition to Bluegrass Blogtopia has become a must read, particularly the David Williams beat. And Bob’s transcription of the insane Rand Paul event at Bar None was one of the blogging highlights of Kentucky in 2009.

Winner:

Jake Payne (Page One)- I’ll say the same thing I did last year: Jake’s gargantuan ego is already at full capacity, so I’ll just give him the rather obvious Rootie and leave it at that.

BEST MOMENT

Runners up:

I Love Mountains Day- for the second straight year, thousands turned out to the state capitol to let our public officials know that mountaintop removal is immoral and must end. Too bad only 25% are listening and not bought off.

Gray confronts Webb at LFUCG meeting- Long overdue sparks flew, as Jim Gray gave Dudley Webb a hefty dose of reality. And grass seed. From this day on, “hoodwink” became the hip word for all the kool kids.

Jim Gray enters 2010 Mayor’s race- Lexington breathed a sigh of relief that we don’t have to watch Newberry destroy Teresa Isaac again and serve another four years. Drafting success!

Winner:

CentrePointe KickeBalle- Of all the public humiliations to failed businessman Dudley Webb and Mayor Newberry regarding CentrePointe, none was so glaring as the glorious 30 second kickball game on the abandoned mud of CentrePointe Parque. It was certainly worthy of the 5-car police stakeout for hours beforehand.

Kickball at CentrePitte Park aka CentrePointe Hole from mick jeffries on Vimeo.

PERSON OF THE YEAR

Runners up:

Jim Gray- If he takes care of business, this Rootie is all his next year.

John Wall- A couple of polls this year showed that Kentuckians are the most unhappy and depressed people in the entire country. I doubt we’d still poll that poorly now, in large part because of Blue Baby Jeebus. Insane reasoning or not, I betcha it’s true.

Crit Luallen- Seriously folks, Draft Crit.

Winner:

Staff of the Herald-Leader- Facing huge budget cuts and the slow death of the print media industry, what did the Herald Leader do? Their staff just went out there and repeatedly broke every corruption story involving the airport (Jennifer Hewlett), KACO (Ryan Alessi), KLC (Linda Blackford) and the library (John Cheves). Without the great investigative reporting of their staff, this stuff might have never come to light, and the Sylvia Lovely’s of the world would still be living high on the hog on our dime. Many state political bloggers around the country face constant frustration that their local/state newspapers don’t bother to do real reporting anymore (or are limited due to budget cuts), but I certainly can’t. Bravo, and keep up the great work in 2010.

******

Well, that’s all folks. Thanks for making each of the last 4 months our best traffic evah. And thanks for spending two days reading this damned post. Czart.